Beans, Greens and Gay farm boys.

I have a new fascination with cable, one show in particular... The Fabulous Beekman Boys. This show makes me feel like Martha Stewart and Omnimedia productions decided to look at the life of a woman like me and make a show JUST for them! This television show makes me feel like someone can read my dreams and make shows from them. When I see Josh and Brent live on this beautiful farm in upstate New York, I can remember the smell of the New England grass when freshly cut, I remember the people and how they never wore make-up, I remember the farmers markets and the culture.

I want a miniature version here at my home. This summer we (and when I say "we", I mean "Jake") have been digging out a lily bed that is waaay overgrown in order to plant some rose bushes and hopefully purple coneflower with black-eyed susans. Lilies will be put in another bed closer to the pond.

We have 2 different kinds of muscadine grapes and a garden spot -(that did horrible this year. ) The grapes seem to have done well despite the rest of the garden, and the basil seems to thrive as well.

Earlier in the Spring we got a truckload of horse manure that must have still been too hot. We added some around the base of the grapes and added some through the dirt of the rest of the garden. Looks like it burned most everything, we added it to but the basil and grapes.

This summer was also a time to start making kombucha again, and it sparked my interest in making kimchi. Fermentation has always been around in our foods, even if we don't know it.. from yogurt to cheese, olives, beer or bread. I read an article about "countertop Culture" - planting, keeping and storing involving fermentation. This is incredibly interesting to me and I find that it is even more interesting than photography. I have started to wonder if I could possibly get a degree in culinary arts now, majoring in green/organic cooking. That seems -- hopeless to me in one sense, and in another sense I see a great need for that in the South.

The more we rely on Wal-Mart and Big Box stores for our fruits, vegetables and milk- the more out of touch we are with the local farmer and the produce that naturally grows in our area. There is so much to learn and we are just tapping into the surface here at our house- we started with kombucha, now we make our own bread, pasta, and shopping at the local farmstand and butcher. I feel better about what I feed my family and am learning that the most delicious dishes in my house involve meatless recipes.

For more information check out the Slow Food Movement and Meatless Mondays. Just choosing one meal a week to be meatless can save money, water, gas, your waistline, and never on taste!

Not SO FAST!!!

Last night we all went to the Mega grocery store, all three girls and Jacob. After we got our food items I wandered over to the clothing section to check out any deals there might be for the upcoming school year. This Fall, both Anne and Madeline will be going off to Big Girl School and only Lily will be home with me. Her preschool starts later and gets out earlier. I like that I will have this small amount of time just with her. My girls are growing up so fast, and honestly, I don't like it. I am disgusted with people when they say "Kids grow up so fast!". I just want to punch their face right through the computer. Yeah! That's what people do! GROW. When you feed them.

Now I find myself groaning with the thought of the girls going to the next grade, thinking about how they will daydream about boys, remembering how they were when they were Lily's age. The other day I walked down the hall and paused to find Lily in the bathroom, standing on a little chair, on her tippy toes, brushing her teeth all by herself. She could barely see herself in the mirror. That is when I realized how big she has gotten this summer. Sigh.

In the grocery store I bought Anne and Madeline some new underwear. That is when Madeline started whining about something she wanted. I looked over. Ohmygosh the bras. BRAS, people! I had my own money to spend and I thought I would indulge them and let them feel grown and important. So, I found the littlest tiniest little bras for little people and I bought 3 for 9$.

Madeline RUNS up to Jacob, SCREAMING "Dad I got a BRA! We got BRAS!!!" and then Anne chimes in and Lily is screaming and it is a little chorus of small children screaming about bras. Jacob looks at me, and says in the most exasperated tone "I don't want to know!".

Knowing this would probably give Jacob more gray hairs, I had the girls put on their bras when they got home and show them to Jacob. :)

Raisin' em right means: Making Mama a Hotdog.

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.. is that a correct quote? I'm not sure where it came from, but sometimes it can be flattery, enlightening, or just plain mean. Today, I woke up in a rare good mood, (not being a morning person by nature..) so I decided to be just plain mean to Jacob. :)

I followed him around the house mimicking everything he did.. it was as if I had turned into a ten year old, the opposite of Tom Hanks in BIG.

Jacob: "What are you going to do today?"

Me: " What are YOU going to do today?"

Jacob: " I'm going to be moving files ."

Me: "well, I'M going to be moving piles. of laundry. "

He puts on his deodorant, I do it. He brushes his teeth, so do I. I just followed him around and did everything he did - at the time he did it - just to see what he would do.

At first he was all : heystopitthat'snotcoolLaura but in the end I think he liked the attention.

After he went to work I went to work in the kitchen doing the dishes, making my children hotdogs at 9:30, sweeping, prepping a chicken for dinner.. WHY YES I am making hot dogs at 9:30 am.. because Mama wanted a hotdog for breakfast. I think I am going to start a tumblr account and name it "HotDogs For Breakfast", because lets face it America. This is who we are.

So I'm in there and I hear the girls in the living room playing with each other and they are pretending to be Mama and Baby.

I love hearing this because: A.) They never ever play together unless they are trying to kill each other. and B.) Madeline was me. She was.. pretending to be me, and saying things she thought I would say. The mimicking was now all about me and I must say it is not always cool to hear your 6 year old yell at your 3 year old. Madeline screamed

"Where is your sister? WHERE IS SHE!!??"

I sort of laughed and cringed on the inside. So I really sound like that? When do I ever yell tha..... OHHHHH YEAH. Sometimes Lily will escape and try to go outside and that is a big NO NO in my house. You can't just go outside by YOURSELF! What if one of those gross turkey buzzards that fly around comes over and picks up my baby and scoops her away to the Dump?-- or worse--- a tick gets on you.

EEEEEEEEWWWWWWW.

I just heard Lily say "Mama I'm huuuungry. " Madeline went through the motions of trying to get her something to eat. Finally I heard Madeline reply.. "(sigh) I'll get you some water. "

I think I am going to go in there and reward her with another hotdog.

Sleeping better!!!

Hooray for Melatonin! I've used it before but never really thought it was helping much. Now it seems to work every time! I've suffered with insomnia since I was a young child and I find melatonin to be a safe, natural and inexpensive trick.

School is almost out for everyone.. Madeline and Lily stay home with me now and we are just waiting for Anne's final days to be over with. Having a schedule where children are gone certain days and at certain times and working around those times-seems to fall in step as we march through the year. This is the part of the year when all the marching in step sees a stop sign up ahead and you are getting ready to halt the whole platoon. It can be frustrating getting things wrapped up, but I always looked forward to having my babies at home with me all summer. We have all sorts of things planned to make our summer fun.. and cheap. The local Library has something prepared for every day of the week. We will definitely be attending Yummy Stories on Saturdays and we might try out Smart Arts and the Science / Deep Sea days. Plus, BF Jaimee works there and we always want to see her face and hug her neck. The children's librarian, Jessica and Mr. Chris, are the best. They are always enthusiastic and loving and kind. (and FUN!!!)

Once day I decided to take the girls to a little sandy cove off the Tennessee River at MacFarland Park. I didn't tell them where we were going, only that it was a surprise. They know refer to the sandy spot as "surprise beach". Although a little smelly at times (fishy), we see majestic herons, paddle wheel boats floating by, watch locals fishing, and the girls are getting a great experience of growing up at the river the way I did when I visited my Grandmother here as a young girl.

The Splash Pad here is where we spent most of our summer last year. I brought the chairs, some capri suns, and just chilled for a couple of hours. It was the best find in this area for fun, free things to do with children during the summer.

Today, Jacob and I went out to our garden and worked before he headed to the office. I dug up the bed of half-grown wilted spinach and after getting most of the ground weeded, I planted some sunflower seeds. I weeded to tomatoes and peas, the herbs (basils, dill) and cucumbers. I was so pleased to notice all the beautiful fat earthworms digging around where I was weeding. At one point I reached my hands into the soil only to scream as I pulled out a blue skink who was indeed one of the largest I have seen. He was startled too and ran for the nearest log to hide under.

Afterwards I got ready to go for a ride in the country with Betsy Ranier to Goose Pond Farms. They are an organic free-range and environmentally-conscious farm that sell beef, chickens and lamb. Betsy had ordered some chickens and went to pick them up -and I thought I would tag along since I am interested in buying things locally and that are good for my family. Betsy said that since the chickens are free to eat a diet that is open and free they have a higher content of Omega Fatty Acids.

She ended up giving me two that had been in her freezer and I am excited to cook them with fresh rosemary, mushrooms and lemons.

I leave you with some pics of the nice sandy spot we visited on Mothers Day.. the surprise beach.

I haven't really slept in two nights.. I'm not sure why, but I have a feeling it has to do with stress.

This means I have an excuse to be short tempered and frustrated and completely look off into space with glazed-over eyes when you talk to me about something I don't care about. That happens a lot. I realize someone is really trying to talk to me about something that happened to them, or they feel a certain way about _______, and I think -- "oh my. I have not been listening. what have they been talking about? Have they asked me questions? I haven't heard any lapses in speech. " Than I start nodding my head in agreement and say .. "Isn't that just life for ya? GOD! "

Maybe I am just getting older, 0r maybe I just need way more sleep.

When Sleep does come, I have Stanley Kubrick dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was having another baby. I had planned on having this baby in a bath tub of an upstairs room that was completely unfinished. I think you could actually see the stars from the tub just by looking upwards. The day came when I started having minor labor pains, and when I sat down to use the bathroom, the baby came out. It was small and wrapped in .. uh.. organs? Wet, red ,.... flesh.

I unwrapped it to see what it was. At first, I thought it was a boy and thought.. FINALLY.. A BOY! but then I realized it was a girl and then thought.. oh my god I have FOUR GIRLS.

She was feisty and alive and chatty. That's right.. chatty. She knew a few words and could say MAMA. I also noticed she had teeth. Like, all of her top teeth. I just gasped and thought how horrible breast feeding would be.

These are my dreams, people.

When I woke up, I realized how sad I was that we aren't having any more children. Jacob was completely done with children after Madeline, but I begged and pleaded to please let me have another. So After Lily was born, he went to the hospital and got him self all fixed up. The conversation went something like this...

Me: " Hey, honey? Let's just go. We haven't paid yet, and we can just leave now and go home. "

Jacob: " No way. We are staying and I am getting this done. "

Me: "whine."

I think I am still mourning this decision. I still secretly wish that I could somehow get pregnant even though he is done. I have heard that it can happen, but seriously doubt it will. Jacob has made valid arguments that my back would not be able to handle another pregnancy, and he is probably right. Even without a job and without being pregnant, I hurt probably every three months. Right now is one of those times.

I picked up Madeline at church on Sunday and I think that was probably the worst decision of the month of May. Not only am I getting ready for Madeline's Magic birthday this Saturday, but it is also Jacob's birthday, and the end of school for the kids, graduation, Spring Art and Dance show, and my back is out. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CLEAN EVERYTHING so I won't be secretly judged by mothers on Saturday?

I need a maid.

Conversations : Laura and Jacob.

Tonight was just one of those nights. We had gotten the girls in bed, all tucked in watching a movie. We had a few minutes alone and of course, as usual, I am trying my BEST to get things done before bed. It is the only time I have where my energy is up and the children are not bothering me. I had gotten a tip to replace my regular dishwashing detergent with Borax powder and part Baking Soda. Still as poisonous as before, but better for the environment. I was sold. We were unloading the dishwasher, and were trying to determine if the dishes were as clean as they usually are. Note: My dishwasher sucks A$$ and I am trying to get them clean with the time that I have to still spank my children and till the earth.

That is when Jacob asked : "so.. what is on the agenda for tomorrow?"

I replied-" shootin' some B' ball outside of the school.

when a couple of guys, who were up to no good, started makin' trouble in my neighborhood. I started one little fight and my mom got scared and said 'you moving with your Auntie and your Uncle in Bel Air.' I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said Fresh and it had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "nah, forget it, YO HOME TO BEL AIR!!" I . Pulled. Up to a house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie Yo holmes, smell ya later! I looked at kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the Prince of Bel Air. "

At this point , Jacob just shakes his head at me. I said "you don't even know what I'm talking about you HOMESCHOOLER!!!!!" and he said "YES I DO THE PRINCEOFBELAIR!!! "

HAHAHAHHAA.

I feel sorry for Jacob. I mean. I really taunt him. I make his life miserable sometimes with my silly, sleep deprived antics. I tell myself he loves it and that he needs the spice in me to make his life complete. Right?!

Yesh. He loves it.

Conversations : Anne and Jacob

Conversation I just heard:

::Jacob changing channels::

Anne: "NONONO, Daddy! "

Jacob: "You don't want to watch the news, do you?"

"YES! I've been watching the news for DAYS. I love CNN. Do you know what I have been watching? "

"What?"

"I've been watching ALLL about Haiti. "

"Well. Alright. I guess. Do you know who those men are? They are the past Presidents. "

"What are their names?"

"Bush and Clinton. "

"I KNOW who Clinton is. "

"But he was President before you were born. "

"Well.. I KNOW who he is. "

"Okay. Well, Clinton was the President Before you were born. And Bush was President when you were born. "

"DAAAAD. There where TWO Bush's . I know. ::frustrated sigh:: I know because we sing a song at school about it. "

"You do?"

"Yeah. And they don't sing about Obama or the last Bush, but I know who there were two. And there were two Roosevelt's, too. "

"Who was the First President?"

"Washington"

"RIGHT! My family is related to a President. My Mother was a Taft. We are related to the Taft family. "

And then it just sort of drifted off. Mainly because Madeline came in my room and then shut the door, so most of what I heard were the elevated excited things spoken. I just heard "DAD! President Bush went to Haiti!!" And then I giggled at how I don't like Bush and how "going to Haiti" means "going to Hell".

Then I guess Anne got tired of watching the Presidents speak about aid in Haiti, because now they are watching Jonah and the Whale.. the Veggie-tale video.

Most of what I will be doing today is trying to finish some knitting and crocheting, because once again, I am on my back, taking pills and trying to relax. I hate hate hate hate taking medicine. REALLY HATE IT. I have 2 bottles of pills that I keep very safe, and if I ever need them, really need them, I will still waver back and forth on the pros and cons of taking the medication. Even today as I got up, did my stretches and did some things around the house, I felt pretty good. Then the pain started. If I lay flat down, it feels alright. If I sit up or stand, even for a short period of time, I start have sharp and extremely painful shooting pains in my back, hips, and legs. There is a nerve being pinched by a bulging disk, and if I relax and not aggravate it, it will eventually slide back into place (the disk) . If I continue to aggravate it, it will get worse, and likely burst, spilling the little bit of moisture it has left out, and causing more pain than I need. I eventually gave in and asked for medicine. Jacob wanted to give me a pill, then coaxed me with "half a pill?" I finally agreed to just take some ibuprofen. It never really works, but I like trying that first. So.. I might blog some more. Or knit you something. Who knows!!!

You've Got To Admit, It's Getting Better.

Lately lots of things have been changing around here. Sometimes Jacob and I will ride through town and notice all the new businesses that have moved into the old buildings. Recently, we have noticed that Seven Points in Florence has had new life moving through it's streets. What used to be an old warehouse of a building is now Rice Box, a thriving and popular place to eat Sushi. Then an abandoned old eatery is now Sweet Magnolia Cafe. They are always busy in the afternoon dishing out their portobello and goat cheese paninis.

I'm really glad that when we moved back there was so much improvement to Florence. Deibert Park is always a favorite, the Splash Pad down at the River, the new Florence Library, and Aroma's became Rivertown Coffee.

The newest and possibly the most exciting changes have happened just recently. I discovered a butcher in Central, which is actually about 8 miles away, has organic beef and lamb. We were grocery shopping last Saturday and I just could not bring myself to buy a roast from the grocery store. I actually sort of whined about it (sorry Jake), but looking back, am so glad I did. We looked it up on the iPhone (shameless plug) and easily found it. We got lamb chops, a leg of lamb, hamburger meat, a huge roast, and even some chicken. We froze most of it, as we just don't eat meat very much. I get so excited about food. It is the way to my heart. Forget the flowers and chocolate and movie dates. Bring me some Rosie's guacamole or home made mushroom soup and I am yours.

Then, this past Sunday, a friend told me about the Honest To Goodness Dairy located a few towns away was actually selling their organic milk at a Florence grocery store. So today, after picking up Madeline from school, I drove over there and checked it out. Their milk was cheaper than everyone else's milk. $1.69 a GALLON!! I've never seen those prices.. especially with organic milk. I was thrilled!!

I feel so much better when I am giving my children something that benefits their growing bodies, instead of just giving them something to give them something.

Florence is definitely making great strides, and I am so glad I live here.

You know Jacob has had enough when...

I called Brandice today and told her how grumpy my husband was today, and how I thought it was so out-of-the-ordinary because WE WIVES are supposed to be the grumpy ones!! We are the ones running after that wild-eyed two year old with a magic marker in her little hand, while she makes a streak of black along the hallway wall. All the while I am screaming "get back here!" and she is laughing hysterically.  Oh, Motherhood.. you tricky tricky thing. You show me this beautiful helpless babe who needs me for sustenance and life, and then it grows to be a marker-loving-2-year-old devil who likes to kick you in the face while wiggling in your bed at 3 a.m.

So Jacob woke up grumpy. Maybe it was the fact that before we even got out of bed this morning, Lily had woken up, found my make-up bag, unzipped it, found the mascara and clutching it in her little hands, had made a beautiful black drawing on her bedroom floor carpet.   and her legs.   and her face.   and my make-up bag. 

It is times like this that I treasure the most.. the Jacob-being-grumpy part.  He is so funny when he is grumpy.  I asked him to help me make dinner in the kitchen, which tonight consists of cutting up a bunch of fresh vegetables from the garden to make a chicken vegetable stew.  The girls had come running through, with an elaborate play they made up starring Lily as Strawberry Shortcake, Anne as her dog Pupcake, and Madeline as her cat Custard.  I riled them up by announcing that today was National Chocolate Milk day, and "who wants some??".  

After giving them their drinks and all the jumping and shouting on their part, Jacob ushered them back into their bedroom, put a Strawberry Shortcake movie on for them,  and warned them not to leave the room.  I didn't know this until I took a break from making dinner to go back there and check on them. 

They were all sitting there, playing out the parts, and I sat down and gave Lily a big hug. Anne looked at me and said, in a sort-of shy tone : "Daddy said if we set one toe out of this room, he was going to put us in the basement and make us starve. " In which Anne and I busted out laughing... how ridiculous is that?   Please!!   If we put them anywhere, they would find a way out. They would eat through the walls, these kids of mine. They are tough and mean and have sharp metal teeth.  And Jacob has the biggest heart of gold. He can't even bring himself  to spank those girls, or put them in the corner. 

I just heard him leave the kitchen, grab a girl in the hallway and growl "RRRAAAAWWWRRR!!! I'M AN OGRE!!!" and I know that hearing all the girls screaming secretly made him happy. 

Things I Love: (part one)

1. I love Brandice. I love Brandice because she talks to me and understands me but most importantly... Does not judge my crazy ways. She probably just shakes her head and says something like "OH, That Laura!!!".
2. Ben and Jerry's Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream.  No explanation. 
3. My husband. He is my hero.    He. Is. My. Hero. 
4. I love water. I dream about water every--single---night. Some times I am on a boat, drifting in deep blue calm waves. Sometimes there is a flood, and I am watching the waves lap up onto a porch or room. Sometimes I am on a beach, and drifting out to sea. Not sure what this means except perhaps it is because I am a pisces and the fact that I always have loved water. 
5. I love Journey. Probably one of the reasons I keep watching Adam Sandler movies is because I know I will get to hear "Don't Stop Believing"  at some point. 
6. There is always a song in my head. It is usually one that I heard while walking around Rite Aid and it stuck.  Something by Lionel Ritchie.
7. I always knew I was going to marry someone with a name that started with "J", and I knew they were going to be a musician. I KNEW IT.  I dated 2 Joshs,  1 Jason,  2 Johns,  a Joel, Jeremys.. 3 Jeremys.  Weird?? Yes. 
8. When  Jacob and I were in pre-marital counseling, Jacob told David MacKay that he had never met anyone that knew so much about music without being a musician.  That was probably the biggest compliment he has ever given me. Plus.. you should have seen that grin on David's face. 
9. Pandora is my new best friend.  Music compels me to have a better day and I usually thrive while working around it. I think I have driven people away with my senseless singing of Radiohead jabber.  Or Bjork. Poor Jaimee.  
10. At one point in my life I became obsessed with Bjork.  It was a weird time in my life, and I just clung to it. I realized my obsession and gave all my imports and precious music/videos/books to ex-boyfriend Jeremy.  It isn't that I don't still like her music, but I just don't need to be around it, for healthy reasons.  (Jaimee is happy)
11. One time I begged my mother to let me go the Nirvana concert. Some of my friends were going, and she was adamant that I was NOT going.  The next day my friend wore his Nirvana shirt to school that he got at the concert. As he walked past me, my anger rose up and I firmly punched him square in the gut. He crumpled behind me and I kept walking. I apologized later that day, though. Poor Jon Powell.  He's still my friend. 
12. I always wished I could have been a photographer. I love taking pictures. I feel that I am in a great spot, though. I feel blessed to be able to stay home with my girls and enjoy the age that they are at... and I still take pictures. 
13. I was actually a much better kid than my Mother or family thought I was. I think they probably thought I was a bit of a rebel. Perhaps I was with my dress, but I was actually a really good kid.  There is no way I could have shown them that though. 
14. My husband has the most beautiful eyes that I have ever seen.  He is also the kindest, most peaceful person. But he can't hear worth a damn. Stupid sawmill. 
15. I will probably never eat pimento cheese. It doesn't look right. Cheese is white, people. Not orange. They dye the cheese that color, you know.  We eat Cabot in our house. Pimento cheese just looks all sort of wrong. 
    

I am going to let you in on a few more secrets, ( like how I still rock out to Smashing Pumpkins) but later. Right now, I have to go take Miss Madeline to Movie Gallery where I am sure she will either pick out a. Hello Kitty movie,  b. My Little Pony movie,  c. Strawberry Shortcake movie,  or  d. another Beethoven movie.

Wish us luck.

SWIMMY!!!!

A couple of days ago, Jacob went out in the backyard and decided to finish up the garden area. We love love our garden area.  It's down towards the woods and there are muscadine grapes growing on a trellis the length of the garden area. 

On another side there are bamboo plants growing tall.. and on another side, there are wild pink roses growing all over the ground. We planted a good size garden last year. However, the deer thought it was a good garden too, and ate absolutely everything, including the sunflowers. Everything... cucumbers, peas, beans, squash, watermelons, pumpkins, kale, okra, lettuce,  and more.  

This year, Jacob bought fencing and a gate to keep, or at least deter, deer from simply walking up and having a nice dinner. He did a great job and when he was finished putting the fence up, he weed-whacked the whole area.  I was down there when he had finished, when I looked down and saw the cutest little thing. 

A little teeny turtle had somehow survived Jacob's weed whacker, and was crawling out of the rubble. Poor wittle baby turtle.  I took him upstairs and placed him on the girls floor. They all came over and when Lily caught sight of him, she let out an ear piercing scream that I am sure will cause me to get a hearing aid within 5 years.  She must have thought it was a bug, because she reacted accordingly. 

We put him in the tub and then I let Madeline hold him. This was huge for her, because just recently she has discovered Roley Poleys.  One day I picked up Madeline from preschool and her teacher was completely freaked out at how she reacted around bugs. Another teacher had to come and physically remove Madeline from the playground and bring her inside to calm her down. After she realized that roley poleys were fairly calm and simple, she has ventured out to touch other things. 

So, the girls named him "Swimmy", because he was swimming in an inch of water, and my outstretched hand was his little rock to climb up on and look around.  We let him go after about 30 minutes, because  the girls know that animals like that are never happy indoors.  They were very good about all of it. I hope that one day we see Swimmy again. 

:)

French Fries make Mondays Bearable.

I feel like I haven't slept in days. So this will be a lot of rambling.  The day started out pretty well, with Brown Cow peach yogurt and half a banana.  It quickly spiraled out of control when I went to McDonalds to get Madeline some fries and ended up getting THREE bags of fries instead. Then I reached in and took a few out of Madeline and Lily's so there would be more for me. I ate all my fries with leftover blue cheese dressing from Ricatonis and then ate the remainder of Lily's fries. This is after I ate some Chef Boyardee  Ravioli. 

 I am so ashamed.  :(

Madeline asked me this morning if today was Friday. Fridays are so special because she thinks that she will get French Fries on Friday. I don't really know where this came from, but every once in a while, I will amuse her and get her a small fry.  I told her I had no money and she would have to search around the house to find change for Fries.  So, she came inside and started looking under couch cushions, and in drawers, under beds and on closet floors. She couldn't find any money at first, and she came up to me with shoulders slumped and feet dragging. 

"I CAN'T FIND ANY CHAAAAAANGE!!!"  

Then added " This is difficult and frustrating!" I told her to never give up hope, and to keep looking. I found a couple of quarters in a drawer and gave them to her.  Then she started saying "Never give up hope!" We finally found a good bit of change, and I told her we could go to McDonalds.

 I really NEEDED those fries. 

Lily has been a typical 2 year old monster today. As I type, she is pulling on me and trying to step on me. Now she is getting into Jacob's office chair, and I am not doing a thing about it. BECAUSE I'M TIRED.  First, she peed on my bed. Good morning, Laura!  Then, she demanded that I give her some corn pops. 

She is very particular, this two year old.   

Corn Pops!   Bowl!   No Milk!   Now!   Woman!   

Then when it came time for lunch, I made her some ravioli.  After doing a good job of filling her tummy and smearing ravioli sauce all over her shirt, hair, table, etc... she threw her bowl on the floor. My husband swept and mopped the kitchen floor for me this morning. Because I was about to tear my hair out at all the mess. 

DAMN IT, LILY. 

It got better. After I cleaned that up, she decided to pour  

ALL THE TABLE SALT all over the table. And play in it. 

When I finally changed her, I noticed she was stinky. After I cleaned her up, she looked at the dirty diaper beside her, reached over, grabbed it,  and pulled out a poopy finger. This wasn't my breaking point. I figure I have a few more things to happen today before I break. Those fries helped. 

I was listening to some random radio station while eating my french fries in my kitchen. They were talking about eating for your blood type. I was intrigued but my children decided that letting Mom listen to the radio was stupid and found something else to get into so I would have to stop what I was doing and yell at them. I wondered if my blood type called for french fries and blue cheese dressing from Ricatonis. 

It MIGHT.  YOU don't know. 

Lily is being quiet. This could mean a few things:

• She has reached into the fridge and gotten the chocolate syrup out, and is making a chocolate pie on the white couch. 
  

• She has realized that she can pull out all the stuffing from the computer chair upstairs and no one is stopping her. 
  

• She can  rummage in the garbage and find leftover ravioli bits to suck on. 
  

• Toilet water tastes pretty good when coming from her princess cup. 
  

• She has found something to be quiet with. 
  

• Has fallen asleep.
  

• She is watching cartoons because Curious George is on, and ironically, he is her favorite cartoon Character. 
  

I better go check it out. 

Conversations : Anne and Madeline.

Last Friday, I was feeling very emotional. I was contemplating God , His omnipotent Grace and Love. A little girl was being born that day, but was sure to be born stillborn. It brought so many feelings of hope, doubt, faith, love and confusion. The little girls name was Elizabeth Ann, and she was born at Helen Keller Hospital. The same place where my Anne Elizabeth was born 7 years ago. I couldn't help but think about this couple, and how lucky I am to have this beautiful girl, so healthy and wonderful. I wondered, why God allows this to happen, but also understanding His graciousness and blessings. It rained all day that day, on and off. Every time I looked away from something, it seemed like I would burst into tears. "Hello Bank Teller!! Have a wonderful weekend!!" Then as I pulled away from the bank, my face would collapse into sobs again.  I was mimicking the clouds. It would rain for five minutes, then clear up and be sunny, and back and forth. 

Madeline was really watching the sky that day, mainly because it is the first Thunderstorm of the year, and really the first Thunderstorm we have had in a long time. I love thunderstorms so much, and I am figuring that maybe Madeline will follow in my footsteps by marveling in natures emotions. 

Madeline and Anne were sitting at the dinner table and we were talking. Madeline said "I think Jesus is crying. I think He makes the thunder. Jesus lives in the CLOUDS!!"

Anne: "No He doesn't!!"

Me: "Yes he does!! If he can live in our hearts, he can live anywhere. "

Madeline: "Jesus lives in our BODIES." (rubs hands from her neck down her tummy)

Anne: "Jesus is even in this room!!"

Madeline: (looks up and waves) "HIIII JESUS!!!"

Madeline and Anne erupt in laughter, filling the kitchen with little girl giggles. 

Madeline: "I LOVE Jesus. I love him so much, that when I see him, I'm gonna give him kisses and hugs! I'm gonna kiss him to death!!     

But.... I'll be dead. "

Then I erupt in laughter.  That kid. She is pretty smart, but a different kind of smart than Anne. She seems to understand things that Anne doesn't. I've noticed several times when Madeline has understood something waaay before Anne did. 

Today is Madeline's birthday!! She is 5 and believes that she is almost a teenager. SO BIG.  I remember when she was born. The daffodils were blooming and the cherry trees than lined the hospital grounds were blossoming with beautiful pink blooms. She was born underwater, and it was the most beautiful and easiest birth I had. I felt so blessed to add another sweet girl to my family. Tomorrow is Jacob's birthday, and I have no idea what we are going to do. 

Maybe I should ask Madeline.....

Conversations : Jacob and Lily.

Tonight, I made the girls go downstairs and pick up the 67 pieces of chalk that lay scattered on the floor. Yesterday I picked up Lily a little too quickly and my back has been out ever since. This means everyone else picks up their OWN messes and Mama is off the hook for a few days.  This also means Mama is going to take the advantage and find things for other people in this house to do.  Leading to a bit of guilt. I told the girls if they pick all the chalk, then I would give everyone some ice cream afterwards.  You should have seen how fast it all got picked up. 

Upstairs, the girls wanted to sing "Happy Birthday" to Madeline, because she will turn 5 on Wednesday, and this has caused quite a stir in our home. Just thinking of artificial sweeteners and spongy cake goodness causes them to shake with drooling anticipation. After singing to her TWICE... Once when the ice cream came on the table, a second time with a candle "with fire on it" in her ice cream, I walked away. Lily and her little butt got down from the table, and walked into the living room where Jacob and I were talking.  The sweet little grin and bouncy curls looked at us ... waiting.  She knew. 

Jacob: "LILY! Put that bowl back in the kitchen!"

Lily: "no." ::grinning::

Jacob: "yes!"

Lily: "no! "   :: smiling::

Jacob: "Do you want a spanking?"

Lily:  "no?   YES!!"

Jacob: "OOONE..... TWOOOO....."

Lily: "THREEEE!!" ::giggles and runs away::

This is why Jacob is going to have a much much harder time than me when they become teenagers. I will threaten them within an inch of their life. And then I will make them believe it.  

My Cousin, my Friend.

Jacob's Cousin Mark is visiting us from New Hampshire. He came down because he is seeking a life change, and is considering working with Jacob and his company for iPhone Apps. 

Interesting. 

Their mothers are sisters, and everyone pretty much looks like each other. I knew this the first time I saw pictures of Jacob's cousins at his Grandpa's house. They all have the same eyes. What I didn't know, was they have the same gestures, the same expressions, and they also talk the same. My husband has an incredible brain and sometimes when he talks to me, it's as if God built a robot out of man-parts and then put him on Earth to play tricks on all of us normal humans. God sits back on His Lazy-boy and laughs out loud at my facial expressions when Jacob says something that goes completely over my head.  

The other day, I asked Mark "what do you wanna to do today?"

And he responded " What are you capable of facilitating?"

Which completes my theory that somewhere down the line they are robots. 

Easter Weekend.

Easter Weekend wasn't so bad this year. It was actually kind of nice. There were no screaming matches, no food was thrown ,  no vomit, no goose eggs on foreheads.

First, I went to my Mothers side of the family and had lunch with corresponding Egg Hunt.  Then I went  to my Dad's, where we had church, lunch and corresponding Egg Hunt. 

This is my Dad's last year to be preaching during Easter. This June he will retire from the Clergy. THANKYOUGOD. For once, I would like to not have to travel all the way down to Deliverance country and perhaps go to my very own church for Easter Sunday.  I think the church will really miss him.  He has been there for about 12-13 years now, and he has traveled an hour there every Sunday and back again for that long.  His gas bill, and his car, will thank him come June.  

My step mother put  yellow roses she cut from her garden in our room where we stayed, and that made a difference to me. I love yellow roses. She probably didn't know that, but it made me happy to see them and it was sweet.  

Here, I like to joke that my Dad is saying "Lord, what am I going to do with these granddaughters of mine??" They are quite the handful. 

Madeline, standing outside of my Dad's church, being all cute and sweet as usual. 

She reminds me so much of myself when I was her age. 

Here, Lily shows her Aunt Beth this flower she picked and how it is more special than any other flower in the whole wide world and can I ride home with you, please??

When I was Lily's age, I sucked my fingers the exact same way she does, only it was with my other hand. My Step-mother made these dresses for the girls. 

Lily is upset with me that I am trying to take her picture, and clings to big sister Anne for help. Anne loves Lily and loves to show affection to her little sister. She just hugs her back. 

That was pretty much my Easter. It was nice, but I am so glad to be back home and be in Florence. There is no other place like it for us. We've visited all over the country, but Florence holds special meaning for us and we wouldn't trade it for anything else.  Now, if you have a bungalow down in the Caribbean and there are sandy white beaches and twizzlers to drink our coconut drinks out of, and palm trees and all of our friends can come, then I might think about living there for half of the year.

Just go ahead and stick a dagger in my heart.

Jacob got to Chicago! They made it up there pretty fast, actually.. I was impressed.  He had told me that they were in "wicked heavy traffic" and that the city was busy and beautiful. He sent me a picture of the Sears Tower. I talked to him when he got to his hotel and chatted for a while, although, they were pretty exhausted from driving for 10 hours. 

A little later, I called him and he blurted "I CAN'T TALK. I'M DRIVING. I'M TRYING TO FIND HEATHER ARMSTRONG."  I hung up the phone and got really excited, mainly because I LOVE her and would die if I got to be in the same room with her. So witty and brilliant, that lady. 

He called me a while later and I eagerly answered, thinking.... well.. thinking so many things. For instance.. Did he just tell her he "drove all the way from Alabama to Chicago and can you please say hello to my wife who is in love with you?" Instead I heard a defeated "Hey, Honey." Which meant bad things that would later come back to haunt me. He said yes, they did find the bookstore. Yes, she is still here signing books. They are all sold out of books. THEY ARE ALL SOLD OUT OF BOOKS. THEY ARE ALL SOLD OUT OF BOOKS. For REALz. I heard all this chatter and I felt all the mixed emotions of defeat and utter excitement. 

Me: "Well.. Can... you just tell her I said Hello and you drove all that way and I love her?"

Jacob : "no."

Me: " How does she look? Is she all tired and bloated and pregnant-looking??"

Jacob: "uh.. she's putting on a good face."

Me: "Can you just hold up your iPhone and take a PICTURE of her???"

Jacob: "No."

Me: "Well!!  Can you just .."

Jacob: "NO, LAURA. There is a room full of people. There is a long, long line to see her.  It's going to take her another hour just to sign all those people's books."

I felt so close.. yet so far away.  I actually did that little girl squeal when he called me from the hotel. It went something like this "eeeeeeeeeeI'msoexcitedyourinthesamecityasheeeerrrrr!!!".

It's the effort. That is why I love that man. 

Chicaaah-go.

Jacob and Ben are on their way to Chicago today, and should arrive sometime this evening. How interesting that my very favorite Heather Armstrong from Dooce will be there signing books at a bookstore down town.  RIGHT ABOUT THE TIME THEY GET THERE.  I told him he better bring me back a prize, and hinting heavily did not work, so I just sent him all the information on exactly where she will be /the picture of the book/ at what time. Sometimes you have to do that with him. 

Lily is her own little person. And I am afraid of her.

Right now, I am watching my sweet baby Lily sleeping beside me. 

I should be asleep.

Her little face looks much like the photo here:

She looks so small and sweet and innocent, doesn't she??

You Fool. 

She is so far from that. She is become my little tumbling, screaming, screeching two-year-old who will strive to get her way NO MATTER WHAT. Today, we went to Trowbridge's, a local ice cream parlor built in 1918 and when you walk inside, it seems as if you have walked into the past. I love it there. Sitting down in the old fashioned seats, I order a chicken salad sandwich (it comes on white bread) and their orange pineapple ice cream (served in an old fashioned dessert glass).

As soon as that glass hit the table she grabbed it with her little grubby fingers and started eating it. I ignored it for the most part, because I really don't mind if she eats some of it. I just wanted a taste. 

When I get my spoon and start to take a bite, you might think that this sweet little person dressed in ballerina pink with a pretty little bow in her brushed, soft hair might be having a seizure. Screams shoot from her little open mouth and her whole body shakes in defiance of what she sees her mother do. This has become commonplace, lately, and I just roll my eyes. 

What can you do? 

I have spanked, threatened (and then followed up on the threats) taken things away and sat her in time out. It seems endless, and then again.... she is only 2 and 1/2.

You might think that with all of the hub-bub of my day and merely dealing with Lily, that I too, should be asleep. 

I am not asleep because... I can't sleep with out Jacob. 

aaaawwwww. 

He is downstairs with Anne watching that dumb sequel to the Narnia adventure movie that was awesome . This one seems (by the noises I hear) to not be so thrilling. 

I walked downstairs to do some laundry, and I asked him how it was. He replied with a "nuuaaah." 

Next week, he leaves to go to Chicago on a business trip for  a few days. I can already tell it is going to be a week filled with Tylenol P.M. and crying jags. The medicine will be for me, and of course the crying will be from the girls (mostly). I don't do well when Jacob is not around, but I figure I will manage. It is hard because they LOVE their Daaaaadddyyyyyy!!! He is magic and makes everything better and gives them things when Mommy says "no". They are always asking for him. I can imagine him at the hotel, getting a full nights sleep, eating at UNO's, laughing it up with Ben. YEAH, that's right. Ben Stedman is going. Because it is "work-related", and a computer programmer conference and why not, Laura, ease up geez I'll only be gone for a few days....

All I can say is, those girls are going to be getting LOTS of ice cream while he is away. 

Especially Lily.

When he gets home, maybe she will be nice to me again. 

I'm Very Angry.

Dear Internet,

I do not, in the least, believe that I might be able to understand my husband. First, I need to get things straight that we have the most loving of relationships. We get along, we are totally in love with each other, and compliment each other, We Are Very Happy. 

However, (you know that when I throw out the 'however', it means I am probably angered and need to get something off my chest) HOWEVER HOWEVER HOWEVER , my husband drives me beserk. This is the same man who once forgot to tell me MY MOTHER WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. Not until she called and said in a most annoyed tone "HI! I AM JUST FIIIIINE!" I just sort of rolled my eyes to imagine the drama that was going to come out of her mouth. I said "uh.. okay. " And then she said "Did Jacob not tell you I called and told him I was in the hospital??" 

"JAAAAACOOOOOOB!!!!!"

Yeah!! It happened. Are we exchanging internet glances with raised eyebrows at each other?? Because that is how I felt. 

 He did it again.  Today he was going to the hospital early to be sedated and then have an endoscopy in his throat. I was nervous but kept myself busy as today is a very busy day because I cook for my church on Wednesday nights, and all the girls are going to school.  Aaron, our friend, went with him and stayed there to make sure everything went well, since I had to get the girls ready and take them to school, and then start cooking. I called Aaron around 10 to see if I needed to pick him up at the hospital and bring him home to rest a while, because they weren't going to let him leave until he could walk around by himself.  Aaron said they were actually on the way to work even though Jacob was still groggy and could walk around some. He is incredibly stubborn about work. 

Then I call Jacob at 3 (since I haven't heard from him) and ask him how he is feeling and how did it go this morning.  He tells me he went to work only to lay down and rest, and then I pull miniscule bits of information out of him BECAUSE HE CANNOT JUST TELL ME.  I ask him when does he go to the doctor to find out what they found during the endoscopy... and he says so nonchalantly "oh they already found it, oh and they fixed it, too" Finally, I get angry and tell him that people are going to ask me how he is doing and can he please tell me what happened today?? You know, because I am his WIFE.  And I should KNOW these things. I imagine myself sitting there tonight at church, and everyone I asked to pray for Jacob today saying "So, Laura, how did it go today at the hospital??" and I would just look at them blankly and say "uhdunno".  And look like a total dumbass.  I tell Jacob everything. I would have called him and told him if I had a procedure done at the hospital and what it was and everything. So... Am I just the only one to think that is retarded of him?   I am going to wait for my sister Beth or my friend Sara to tell me a movie where someone is totally brilliant and has a magic brain , yet cannot communicate with people on a social level. What? What movie is that?  BECAUSE JACOB SHOULD BE MADE INTO A MOVIE. Totally awesome Dad, and Husband.. yet.  total retard sometimes. 

Jacob's endoscopy revealed that there was a constriction in his throat. They went inside with a balloon to inflate the constriction, and how it is fixed. That is all he would tell me.  :(

Love, 

Laura