Valentines CD 2009

Every year, I make my sisters a Valentines Cd. It's really for me than for them, mainly because I feel this indescribable urge to make the infamous "mixed tape" or now, in the golden age of technology, the mixed playlist..
This year is a good mix. Maybe it is because I have listened to all of the songs for a year now, or maybe it is because I am going through menopause early. I think I am tearing up to these songs for a different reason. I don't think, I know.
I am a control freak. If things don't go my way, I tend to get angry. I know this and have worked on it, but in the end, I still control my emotions. I have with-held the "healthy cry" for a really long time now. It seems that anything that might tug on an emotion in your heart makes it way out of me in it's dominant push for freedom and expression. I tend to hide the way I feel for most people sake, as to not interfere with their story they want to tell me or the comments they want to make.
Saturday this lady came over to my house, because she wanted to have a play-date with her son and Anne. She really said some things that were quite rude and asked me things that a person meeting another person would NEVER ASK. The things that I replied with and the things going on in my mind were contradictive, at best.

Said: "Well, my birthday is on Feb.26, actually"
Thought : "What the hell? Why do you want to know?"

On the question "are you making lunch?"
Said: "I wasn't planning on making lunch.. uh.. let's see what is in my fridge."
Thought: "Go away Go away Go away you crazy people!!!"

On the question if they could have their son's birthday party at my house. (you read that right)
Said: "Um. Let me ask Jacob"
Thought: "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE AND DON'T COME BACK!"

Then she proceeded to tell me that she could decorate my house for the birthday party.
I thought "WHAPWHAPWHAP" to the face.

Why would a person I barely know ask me something so horrid?? I think she knew she crossed a line, but you never know with crazy people.
Anyway, every time I watch a commercial that is NOT supposed to be a tear jerker, I start to cry a little. But just a little. Just enough for one little tear to start to make it out, then I stop all that whining like a little baby and suck it up.
It all comes down where I have a big blowout and then it starts all over again. Woe is the child that gets in my way.

We Made It!

Today I am married exactly 8 years. This is remarkable, for many many reasons.
One, my family (sorry Beth) is f'ing crazy. CRAZY. They gave me these... demands... restrictions.. before I got married. This really frustrated me, because they did not know Jacob, and I'll give them that. But I knew him. I knew he was going to be a wonderful husband and one day, Father. There is no way you can tell your family the things that you have learned. They will not listen. All they are interested in is how far they have come in life, and how you are just 22 and will most certainly make those same mistakes as them. Either "I didn't find myself until I was thirty, and neither will you" or "you can't get married until you do ______ and _______ and ________" or my personal favorite stab in the back... "You don't think you are going to get divorced too?" From the lady that divorced one alcoholic and quickly married another alcoholic.

This is the one day of the year that I revisit those words, those looks, and I can feel so much accomplishment and pride and happiness that I have this wonderful family here in my arms. Loving and together.. Happy and sane... )most of the time) we have a roof over our heads, we feed our children healthy meals, they have clothes and go on vacations and we are responsible happy people. I really wasn't expected to be like this 8 years ago. My family saw me as poor, sad Laura. They thought my church was a cult that we gave all our money to, they thought Jacob was dumb (laughable , at best, because he is the smartest man I know.)
I feel like I have accomplished so much to them, and I feel like their eyes have been opened to Jacob and what a wonderful human being he is. Often, I have thought about what it might be like if he ever died suddenly of a heart attack, or was killed in a car crash. I imagined what loneliness to that degree must feel like. If (God forbid) anything ever happened to either of us, I don't think we would be able to cope. My life would be crushed. Jacob once told me that even though people don't really ever speak about it, he loved me more than he loved our children. I can't imagine choosing him or the children, but I do understand what he meant. I would never want to marry anyone else. He is the perfect person for me, despite our differences, and I would always be comparing another person to Jacob.
We love each other more than I can express in a blog, and I am very thankful for the years we have had together and the exciting years to come.
Happy Anniversary, Honey!
We made it!

Getting Frustration Out.

A while ago I called Jacob and he was at lunch with the boys from work. I heard Benstedmans yakking and I told Jacob to give Ben a message. I must have laughed for 20 minutes after hearing timid sweet Jacob say "Hey, Ben. Laura said to shut your big fat mouth".



I am still sort of sore with him not coming over and hanging out with us LIKE HE IS SUPPOSED TO DO. Today, I also found a sweet old picture of Ben on an airplane on Facebook. So I snatched it immediately and am posting it here.







I think I might try to find more old pictures of him for a good Internet laugh or two.
Who's with me?!?!?

note: Laura is going crazy.

My Mother called me today, while I was picking up my 2nd daughter from school.

She sounded worried and told me to call her back as soon as I heard the message.

I called her back and she said "oh, I don't need you anymore".

She only called me... because she needed me to look up a phone number.

That's all??!



Tonight I am going out with Brandice for some much needed down time with another Lady. There are many reasons why I need this so much.. reasons I will not list on here... But I will say that I just read "Brown Bear, Brown Bear.. What do you see?" For the 18th time today.

Flight of the Conchords.

Sometimes, I pretend that I am their superfan and not Mel.
How weird would that be??
In this clip of the Flight of the Conchords, Bret and Jemaine meet some muggers on the mean city streets. They try to rap and show the muggers how hard-core they are, but they eventually get mugged anyway. It's one of my favorite episodes.
If I met some muggers on the street, I have often imagined what I would do. Sometimes I think about how I would react to certain situations, horrible situations, should they ever occur.
Imagine I hear a noise in the middle of the night in my basement. Now that I have a ninja living in my house, I do not worry about it as much. But suppose I hear a noise in the middle of the night, a crashing of glass... In my mind, I grab the phone and call 911 and then hide in the closet, closing the door veeeeery sloowwwly. Than I whisper to the police that a burglar is in my basement and hurry the hell up. If the burglar catches me before the police show up, however, I act like I have never called the police and could I get him anything?? Jewelry? Cash? a spot of tea? Whatever, because frankly I do not care about any of the possessions I have, only certain things like, pictures and my computer (which I have already hidden under my bed and under my heating pad.) And my computer is only important because of the pictures that are on it.
When the police show up, I act surprised. ("who could THAT be??") It all works out in the end.. in my mind. I never have to wake up my children or husband.

In reality I actually poke Jacob until he wakes up and checks out what that noise was... that he never heard because he worked in a lumber mill and is half-deaf.... and it almost always is our heating system kicking on in the middle of the night.


I hope HBO keeps this show around for many years to come.

Happy Birthday, Brother.

Today is my Brother-In-Laws birthday. Not just ANY birthday.. he turns 30.  

There will be partying and hooray-ing and high fives and lots of shenanigans.  But I am a loser of a sister and am not going to the party. I sent my husband with things, and I am staying home with all of the coughing kids and fire to take care of. 

I can just imagine all of the fun they are having.  The last time I went to Brandice's for a party, there were pranks, yelling, some wrestling, and other things that she might not like me to post here.  :) 

Ben, I hope you are having a super fun party and just know that one day our kids will be all grown up and we can go celebrate as much as we want!! How fun will that be?!?! Happy Birthday, Ben, you old goose. 

Dear God, please take the curse off my house so we can all get better.  THAAAANK YOOU!

Several times this week, I have opened a new page on my computer, to write a new post. 

Every single time, I ended up closing it, and doing something else.  I feel very put-out lately, with the many many things I have to do. I also feel overwhelmed and frustrated because all the things I want to do, I cannot. 

I am trying to pace myself, but I feel eager like a kid on a free candy-spree. I need to mop!! Oh and do the dishes! and start the rice for dinner!! and put more wood on the fire! and I really need to call that person back.. 

It seems overwhelming right now, for some reason. 

Madeline and Lily and I are still coughing. The other night, Ben Stedman was over here, and he heard me struggling with the coughing fits. Then he called me a SARS-monkey.  I laughed but inside I wanted to punch him in the face. I am so glad Aaron is around now, because he told me this morning about a time when Ben didn't stop coughing for a MONTH.  I can't wait to throw that back in his face. 

Cough it in his face. 

HeeHee.

I live in a scary, nice, and most of the time, quiet neighborhood.

There have been many times in my life when I have tried to tell you something, and you didn't believe me. I don't know why you didn't believe me, because Lord knows I want to be taken seriously. I desperately want be seen as an open, honest and trustworthy person.  One day Brandice was over at my house, and I opened the door, screamed, and yelled that a snake just fell on my head. Brandice did her "siiighh" and then announced that, no, a snake most certainly Did Not just fall on my head.  

Until I showed her the snake. 

I don't know how that little bastard got up there in the door frame, but it did. And it had sinister thoughts at how it would get up the nerve the next time Laura opened the door and jump on her. OKAY, now I get it... you don't believe me because I have a wild imagination, yes I DO! Guilty.   But I am most certainly honest. 

I tried to tell some people not too long ago how my neighbors must have some conspiracy against me. We put the Obama/Biden sign in our yard, and the next thing I know, they were showing off their guns, IN THEIR FRONT YARD.  Maybe it was the Obama-anti-gun-craze that sent thousands of rednecks to buy AK 47 assault rifles at the local pawn shops, or maybe it was just coincidence. One day I came home to find my neighbor across the street showing off his shotgun.  To Me.  The person who could care less about guns. I don't even know what gun-names are. That is how STUPID I am about guns. I know the long ones are shot guns, okay? and the short ones.. they... they are pistols.  or.. handguns.. whatever. 

Then a few days later... Jacob and I were enjoying the morning in our bright, sunny kitchen when we heard a loud BANG. I ran to the window and saw our two neighbors next-door shooting their.. rifle at a woodpecker.    

That's right.

     

 A WOODPECKER.   

With a SHOTGUN.      

BY OUR HOUSE. 

See they have a wood siding house, and the woodpeckers will come and peck holes in the side of their home. Some of the holes are rather large. They actually killed that woodpecker that day. 

A few days later, I looked at the window and saw them again. We live in the CITY LIMITS. We live "downtown".  Lady was walking in the middle of the street looking for that woodpecker just to show his face.  That woodpecker best find somewhere else to peck.    

Please Mr. woodpecker.  

For all of those skeptics.. doubters.. I got something for you.. PROOF. 

Just go away, Ann Coulter!!

I am at home alone and watching NBC's Today with Hoda and Kathie Lee. Ann Coulter is on there, talking about her new book and making everyone feel uncomfortable and nauseous. Kathie Lee said "don't you think the tone in which you deliver your message turns people off? Its not always the message, but the messenger" Ann  replied that she thought her tone was "zippy and enticing"

Hoda said "you  lost me a loooong time ago."

I think this is the first time I really looked at the womans face.  Not only is she scary, but the way she talks could be something you hear on a haunted house ride, in the dark. Wouldn't that make you want to crap in your pants?

Honestly, I don't ever listen to the woman. I don't care what her views are, the same as I don't care what Whoopie Goldbergs views are nor do I care what Rosie O'Donnell thinks. But at least I can watch them speak. I think if you spread hate, hate breeds, hate destroys. I want her to stop talking now. 

::hides under covers::