I haven't really slept in two nights.. I'm not sure why, but I have a feeling it has to do with stress.

This means I have an excuse to be short tempered and frustrated and completely look off into space with glazed-over eyes when you talk to me about something I don't care about. That happens a lot. I realize someone is really trying to talk to me about something that happened to them, or they feel a certain way about _______, and I think -- "oh my. I have not been listening. what have they been talking about? Have they asked me questions? I haven't heard any lapses in speech. " Than I start nodding my head in agreement and say .. "Isn't that just life for ya? GOD! "

Maybe I am just getting older, 0r maybe I just need way more sleep.

When Sleep does come, I have Stanley Kubrick dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was having another baby. I had planned on having this baby in a bath tub of an upstairs room that was completely unfinished. I think you could actually see the stars from the tub just by looking upwards. The day came when I started having minor labor pains, and when I sat down to use the bathroom, the baby came out. It was small and wrapped in .. uh.. organs? Wet, red ,.... flesh.

I unwrapped it to see what it was. At first, I thought it was a boy and thought.. FINALLY.. A BOY! but then I realized it was a girl and then thought.. oh my god I have FOUR GIRLS.

She was feisty and alive and chatty. That's right.. chatty. She knew a few words and could say MAMA. I also noticed she had teeth. Like, all of her top teeth. I just gasped and thought how horrible breast feeding would be.

These are my dreams, people.

When I woke up, I realized how sad I was that we aren't having any more children. Jacob was completely done with children after Madeline, but I begged and pleaded to please let me have another. So After Lily was born, he went to the hospital and got him self all fixed up. The conversation went something like this...

Me: " Hey, honey? Let's just go. We haven't paid yet, and we can just leave now and go home. "

Jacob: " No way. We are staying and I am getting this done. "

Me: "whine."

I think I am still mourning this decision. I still secretly wish that I could somehow get pregnant even though he is done. I have heard that it can happen, but seriously doubt it will. Jacob has made valid arguments that my back would not be able to handle another pregnancy, and he is probably right. Even without a job and without being pregnant, I hurt probably every three months. Right now is one of those times.

I picked up Madeline at church on Sunday and I think that was probably the worst decision of the month of May. Not only am I getting ready for Madeline's Magic birthday this Saturday, but it is also Jacob's birthday, and the end of school for the kids, graduation, Spring Art and Dance show, and my back is out. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CLEAN EVERYTHING so I won't be secretly judged by mothers on Saturday?

I need a maid.

Why ::rubs eyes:: where... where AM I??

Hello Internets. 

I haven't made a post since.. Feb. 20. Why IS that? Well, for starters, Feb. 20th was an amazing night filled with pinata sticks and Brandice and candy and people and the rest was a blur.  

Then there was a busy time filled with cleaning up puke and other bodily excrement from my children, followed by bleaching towels and pillows, followed by getting sick myself, and finally more bleaching and cleaning. 

I have so much to tell you, Internet!! So many pictures and weird weather.  I went berserk  and have been in a fog. I will start a sentence and will stop because I can't remember a word, a simple word,  like..  tarter sauce.  Why can't people just read my mind when I can't say tarter sauce and just know that I NEED SOME TARTAR SAAAAAUUCE!!!

I will say that because of the insanity... it is Saturday, and I haven't watched my shows ALL WEEK.   My Tivo is still holding on to my Heroes (Mon.) The Biggest Loser (Tues.) LOST (Wed.) ALL of my Thursday shows.... So tonight I will lay in bed and watch most of them with my husband. And tomorrow I might update you on some stuff. 

Ta Ta for now. 

Catch you 'tards tomorrow. 

Just go away, Ann Coulter!!

I am at home alone and watching NBC's Today with Hoda and Kathie Lee. Ann Coulter is on there, talking about her new book and making everyone feel uncomfortable and nauseous. Kathie Lee said "don't you think the tone in which you deliver your message turns people off? Its not always the message, but the messenger" Ann  replied that she thought her tone was "zippy and enticing"

Hoda said "you  lost me a loooong time ago."

I think this is the first time I really looked at the womans face.  Not only is she scary, but the way she talks could be something you hear on a haunted house ride, in the dark. Wouldn't that make you want to crap in your pants?

Honestly, I don't ever listen to the woman. I don't care what her views are, the same as I don't care what Whoopie Goldbergs views are nor do I care what Rosie O'Donnell thinks. But at least I can watch them speak. I think if you spread hate, hate breeds, hate destroys. I want her to stop talking now. 

::hides under covers::

Keep your murderous rage in check.

This Christmas has been the most stressful Christmas in  FOREVER. From Thanksgiving, to what will be New Years, we have been sick at my house. First, getting the stomach flu (which no one else got thankyouGod) then Lily getting the croup, Madeline getting an ear infection, and now on the heels of that, Anne is very sick. 

I am not sure what she is suffering from, but she has a temperature over 102 almost every night three nights in a row and her throat hurts. We have been babying her and giving her lots of whole foods and drinks to ease it, but she is still sick. 

This just in.. Lily now has a fever...

Not being able to really go out and buy gifts, I have been making many gifts this year. I crocheted little hats for my nieces, made pillows and bows and cross-stitched. It reminded me of this web-site that I used to visit to laugh for a while whenever I was down.

 It's called Subversive cross-stitch, and it was born from a woman named Julie Jackson. She was trying to quit smoking and her mother bought her a cross-stitch book to keep her mind busy away from how angry she was at the world.  I used to smoke some when I was a teenager, and I have to admit, I understand where she is coming from. Addictions to anything can make you a cranky loser to be around. I think there have been times when I was denied eating salad for a few days and it wasn't a pretty picture of a loving wife and mother. Jacob might say "horrible fire-breathing beast" but he isn't the one writing this, is he?!?

Subversive Cross stitch might say all the things you want to say to people, but don't have to. I have to say, it is much more therapeutic to cross-stitch these thoughts out then to say them. And afterwards, you have a comical dish towel to display when douche-y friends come over. 

I can think of some more things to cross-stitch but I don't really feel like typing them out on here. 

Maybe I'll just start cross-stitching them out......

xoxoxo,

Laura

Well, Obviously.

This is the douche-iest message ever left. 

I was going to write a long commentary on what I thought about it, 

but... there just aren't words. 

You might as well get ready to share this one. 

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I wonder what's on the Inside.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Please don't let Jacob ever see anything resembling a cake like this,

 or I will be forced to make him one for his birthday in May.   

Or for Christmas.   

Or for our Anniversary.   

Or any given Friday night. 

Yours Truly,

Laura

 

The Worst way to Lose 8 pounds.

Is by having the stomach Flu. 

That will MESS. YOU. UP.  

Benstedman called me a while ago and started asking me all these questions about the stomach flu. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was hoping this one last nap will help me get over it and he just interrupted it after only 15 minutes of me falling asleep. 

I also didn't tell him that the only way I could sleep the past three nights was if I took a Tylenol PM to knock me out. Then the pain wakes me up again at 3 a.m. where I toss and turn until I finally get some more tylenol in the morning when my superman husband gets it for me. Jacob really has been a trooper. He held me when I threw up, got me those little wet washcloths, helped me back in bed... got his brother to bring me gingerale.  

I remember the last time the Stomach flu went through our house. It was 2005, and it was when we lived in Vermont. All I remember is Anne dry heaving and poor itty bitty Madeline living in our bath tub. She didn't want to get out. Just lay in the bath tub and moan. 

It was the saddest thing ever.

Thankfully, this time it seems to have only hit me. But it hit me hard. 

"I haven't been this sick since 2003!!", I thought to myself. That was when I was pregnant with Madeline and I thought Jacob and I were going to die. We packed a little bag of things for Anne, crawled back in bed, called Caleb, and went to sleep. A little while later we heard Caleb come in and get Anne and take her to Jacob's parents for a few days. 

I hope everyone gets well and no one else gets sick! It is no fun being sick. It is also no fun being the person who is well and cannot rightfully make fun of your sick friend out of respect. It is also not fun to be the well person taking care of sick person. 

Friday night, I went through a hellish ordeal of getting my picture made while in the throws of a migraine.  Yes.   But not only that... I did it with my Whole. F' ing. Family. 

No, Really. 

AAAANNDD.. we did it at dinner time. You can imagine the cranky children, the screams, the candy thrown in their mouths, the air sucked from the room as everyone sighs, the fake smiles from having to be in the same room with everyone.  

I look especially glorious, thanks to the medication I took as soon as I got to my Dads. I lay on the floor of the van the whole 2 hours down to Birmingham with Anne's thick Lands End jacket on my head to block out the light.. When we got there, I made Jacob go to the Wal-Mart parking lot to take our Obama 08 sticker off the back of the van so my Father and Step-mother wouldn't think I was a satanist. That's when I took a Lorcet Plus. Man, oh Man. That stuff was potent!! I fell asleep for 30 minutes and then got up to get ready for pictures. When I came downstairs my Dad said "well.. you look...  alive!" HAHA. Yes. I was walking. With my eyes open.  When we got to the picture place, it was all I could do to just stay nice. It was raining. There were 17 other families getting their picture made and the picture people were WAY behind.. so we got to wait .... OUTSIDE!

Anyway, by the time we got our pictures made, It was the girls bedtime. We were hungry, tired, and I was out of my mind. You can actually see it on the pictures. I am straining a smile on my face as my dark circled eyes try to stay open long enough to see a flash. 

This one is my favorite:

It shows my Dad looking pretty frustrated that Lily hasn't eaten any supper,

 and is a two year old and is being told to sit and smile nicely. 

This one also makes me chuckle. Lily has almost gotten

 away from my step-mothers grasp.

HAHA. In this one.. everyone.. is forcing a smile.. IF they are smiling. 

My kids look bored.

I love out-takes.

Look at her! Man!! She is really making Momma proud with that 10,ooo watt smile of hers. 

She is like "I am gonna smile no matter how much screaming is going on behind me!"

I laughed at this one as well, because my two older girls looked scared. You can tell I have threatened them under my breath to shut up and smile.

That was my after-Thanksgiving family get-together.  After two days of not eating from migraines, I ate a couple of meals and then got the Stomach flu! It was probably all connected. Correction.. I ate a butt-load of spinach-artichoke dip on Thanksgiving day.

I love you, Brandice. Thank you for making that yummers salad. That is the only thing  ate today.. and the first thing I had in two days!!    ::WEEEEEE:::