This means I have an excuse to be short tempered and frustrated and completely look off into space with glazed-over eyes when you talk to me about something I don't care about. That happens a lot. I realize someone is really trying to talk to me about something that happened to them, or they feel a certain way about _______, and I think -- "oh my. I have not been listening. what have they been talking about? Have they asked me questions? I haven't heard any lapses in speech. " Than I start nodding my head in agreement and say .. "Isn't that just life for ya? GOD! "
Maybe I am just getting older, 0r maybe I just need way more sleep.
When Sleep does come, I have Stanley Kubrick dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was having another baby. I had planned on having this baby in a bath tub of an upstairs room that was completely unfinished. I think you could actually see the stars from the tub just by looking upwards. The day came when I started having minor labor pains, and when I sat down to use the bathroom, the baby came out. It was small and wrapped in .. uh.. organs? Wet, red ,.... flesh.
I unwrapped it to see what it was. At first, I thought it was a boy and thought.. FINALLY.. A BOY! but then I realized it was a girl and then thought.. oh my god I have FOUR GIRLS.
She was feisty and alive and chatty. That's right.. chatty. She knew a few words and could say MAMA. I also noticed she had teeth. Like, all of her top teeth. I just gasped and thought how horrible breast feeding would be.
These are my dreams, people.
When I woke up, I realized how sad I was that we aren't having any more children. Jacob was completely done with children after Madeline, but I begged and pleaded to please let me have another. So After Lily was born, he went to the hospital and got him self all fixed up. The conversation went something like this...
Me: " Hey, honey? Let's just go. We haven't paid yet, and we can just leave now and go home. "
Jacob: " No way. We are staying and I am getting this done. "
Me: "whine."
I think I am still mourning this decision. I still secretly wish that I could somehow get pregnant even though he is done. I have heard that it can happen, but seriously doubt it will. Jacob has made valid arguments that my back would not be able to handle another pregnancy, and he is probably right. Even without a job and without being pregnant, I hurt probably every three months. Right now is one of those times.
I picked up Madeline at church on Sunday and I think that was probably the worst decision of the month of May. Not only am I getting ready for Madeline's Magic birthday this Saturday, but it is also Jacob's birthday, and the end of school for the kids, graduation, Spring Art and Dance show, and my back is out. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CLEAN EVERYTHING so I won't be secretly judged by mothers on Saturday?
I need a maid.
2 comments:
If I was anywhere near you, I'd come help & be your maid. I'm a freak & actually like to clean (when there are no chemicals involved...). And I'm so sorry about your hurting. What does your chiro say about it? And do you Yoga? Love to you. xo
I was diagnosed (finally) with Osteoarthritis (DDD) in my spine in April a couple of years ago. I have been through chiropractic measures, Therapy (which was wonderful) and different medicines (yuck).
I am working towards strengthening my abs to take the pressure off my lower back.
Unfortunately, Degenerative Disk Disease does not get better but only worsens with time, eventually eating away the disk until it is bone against bone. It is painful at times but I refuse surgery until I am either:
A.) and old lady
B. ) I can't walk anymore.
I hate medicine, and am stubborn to the point of I just want to be free and live my life and everything as natural as I can. :)
I think certain yoga moves might be harmful at this point but do some simple pilates .. (wait.. is there a difference??) moves that strengthen that I love. I have an exercise ball.
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