The Blessings in Life

Today I cleaned up after breakfast and did something most mothers never do.

I stopped.

I looked around, I took a drew a deep breath of quiet air and said "Thank You Jesus." My living room was freshly vacuumed, new Spring tulips gently bowing in a glass vase on the table, no toys, shoes, dirty socks or jump ropes laying about. This may seem so insignificant a thing to post about, but for me, it is exuberant. My home is almost never clean; living with three little girls, there is almost always a barbie head or barbie book laying out.

And in all honesty... Its only one room. The other rooms have dirty clothes or coloring sheets of half-colored princes and queens peeking out from under the couch or bed. But I am blessed by this one room with blue walls and soft couch that relaxes me when it's clean.

Today I'm thankful for the quiet- children off to school and tv turned off. Birds tweeting and gathering for the nests they are making in my trees and bushes. Fresh coffee and farm milk. Soft carpet.

This makes a morning.

Someone make it stop.

Have you ever been in the other room, washing dishes or folding clothes or whatever, and heard a screeching car bomb go off in your living room? YEah. I have. It happened when Lily and the other girls wanted to watch this Nickelodeon Movie on Netflix featuring a pubescent boy named FRED. Fred, is, for lack of a better word- completely annoying and horrible. I hear him and sometimes I go off in a day dream of how I want to set him on fire with a flame thrower. And then walk away and be done with him forever.

But Lily LOOOOVVES FRED. Loves him like she has never loved anything in her whole entire four-year-old life. Fred's love interest in the movie is Judy, and he is so doe eyed for her. Every song Fred sings about her and how to win her love and attention. Which in turn, means Lily and her little four-year-old voice sings partial songs about love for a girl named Judy.

There have been many a time when I have been at the grocery store, or library, or for Pete's sake, the church- and Lily has belted out a tune about Judy.

::sigh::

Beans, Greens and Gay farm boys.

I have a new fascination with cable, one show in particular... The Fabulous Beekman Boys. This show makes me feel like Martha Stewart and Omnimedia productions decided to look at the life of a woman like me and make a show JUST for them! This television show makes me feel like someone can read my dreams and make shows from them. When I see Josh and Brent live on this beautiful farm in upstate New York, I can remember the smell of the New England grass when freshly cut, I remember the people and how they never wore make-up, I remember the farmers markets and the culture.

I want a miniature version here at my home. This summer we (and when I say "we", I mean "Jake") have been digging out a lily bed that is waaay overgrown in order to plant some rose bushes and hopefully purple coneflower with black-eyed susans. Lilies will be put in another bed closer to the pond.

We have 2 different kinds of muscadine grapes and a garden spot -(that did horrible this year. ) The grapes seem to have done well despite the rest of the garden, and the basil seems to thrive as well.

Earlier in the Spring we got a truckload of horse manure that must have still been too hot. We added some around the base of the grapes and added some through the dirt of the rest of the garden. Looks like it burned most everything, we added it to but the basil and grapes.

This summer was also a time to start making kombucha again, and it sparked my interest in making kimchi. Fermentation has always been around in our foods, even if we don't know it.. from yogurt to cheese, olives, beer or bread. I read an article about "countertop Culture" - planting, keeping and storing involving fermentation. This is incredibly interesting to me and I find that it is even more interesting than photography. I have started to wonder if I could possibly get a degree in culinary arts now, majoring in green/organic cooking. That seems -- hopeless to me in one sense, and in another sense I see a great need for that in the South.

The more we rely on Wal-Mart and Big Box stores for our fruits, vegetables and milk- the more out of touch we are with the local farmer and the produce that naturally grows in our area. There is so much to learn and we are just tapping into the surface here at our house- we started with kombucha, now we make our own bread, pasta, and shopping at the local farmstand and butcher. I feel better about what I feed my family and am learning that the most delicious dishes in my house involve meatless recipes.

For more information check out the Slow Food Movement and Meatless Mondays. Just choosing one meal a week to be meatless can save money, water, gas, your waistline, and never on taste!

Tootsie

I've never been one of those girls that cherished things of yonder days. I have always tried to live in the now, because I can't change the past, and I don't really want to think that I am anything like my parents or grandparents. I feel like I am a part of a new and exciting generation, one that has learned more than my ancestors could ever have imagined possible.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, my dear Grandmother passed away, and it forced me to think of things that I have pressed back behind me for fear it would teach me a lesson in my rebellious attitude.

It did.

I learned so much from my Grandmother, and without her taking to time and energy to spend quality time with me, I would not be the woman I am today.

She taught me how to cook. I watched as she would pour her cornbread batter into the hot skillet, making crackling noises and smelling delicious.

She canned fruit and vegetables and started my curiosity with making my own food. It started when I lived in Vermont, when I didn't know how to cook and tried to re-create her chicken stew. From there it blossomed into a passion of mine.

She fed this little three legged squirrel for the longest time. Until one day it just didn't come back. We probably fed it leftover cornbread or biscuits. I remember it being so fun.

She took me fishing. This by far was a very fond memory for me. She had a little boat with a trolly motor and she and I would scoot around on the Tennessee River together. I would dig all over for worms and she taught me how to bait my hook.

When my husband and I wanted to buy a home and settle down, we looked for a home off the beaten path, a home with a woodsy feel near water. I often thought of my Granparents home in Killen, where I had so many good memories with her. Now I listen to the birds that I remember hearing at her home because we settled in Florence, right beside Killen, in a woodsy home near water.

Driving around Florence, I remember the places we went together and the memories we made when I would visit with her in the summers.

Looking back, I have no regrets. I feel blessed that I was able to live and learn from her and her way of life. She will always hold a special place in my heart.

Here's to you, Tootsie! Cheers. I Love you.

Conversations : Laura and Jacob.

Tonight was just one of those nights. We had gotten the girls in bed, all tucked in watching a movie. We had a few minutes alone and of course, as usual, I am trying my BEST to get things done before bed. It is the only time I have where my energy is up and the children are not bothering me. I had gotten a tip to replace my regular dishwashing detergent with Borax powder and part Baking Soda. Still as poisonous as before, but better for the environment. I was sold. We were unloading the dishwasher, and were trying to determine if the dishes were as clean as they usually are. Note: My dishwasher sucks A$$ and I am trying to get them clean with the time that I have to still spank my children and till the earth.

That is when Jacob asked : "so.. what is on the agenda for tomorrow?"

I replied-" shootin' some B' ball outside of the school.

when a couple of guys, who were up to no good, started makin' trouble in my neighborhood. I started one little fight and my mom got scared and said 'you moving with your Auntie and your Uncle in Bel Air.' I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said Fresh and it had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "nah, forget it, YO HOME TO BEL AIR!!" I . Pulled. Up to a house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie Yo holmes, smell ya later! I looked at kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the Prince of Bel Air. "

At this point , Jacob just shakes his head at me. I said "you don't even know what I'm talking about you HOMESCHOOLER!!!!!" and he said "YES I DO THE PRINCEOFBELAIR!!! "

HAHAHAHHAA.

I feel sorry for Jacob. I mean. I really taunt him. I make his life miserable sometimes with my silly, sleep deprived antics. I tell myself he loves it and that he needs the spice in me to make his life complete. Right?!

Yesh. He loves it.

You've Got To Admit, It's Getting Better.

Lately lots of things have been changing around here. Sometimes Jacob and I will ride through town and notice all the new businesses that have moved into the old buildings. Recently, we have noticed that Seven Points in Florence has had new life moving through it's streets. What used to be an old warehouse of a building is now Rice Box, a thriving and popular place to eat Sushi. Then an abandoned old eatery is now Sweet Magnolia Cafe. They are always busy in the afternoon dishing out their portobello and goat cheese paninis.

I'm really glad that when we moved back there was so much improvement to Florence. Deibert Park is always a favorite, the Splash Pad down at the River, the new Florence Library, and Aroma's became Rivertown Coffee.

The newest and possibly the most exciting changes have happened just recently. I discovered a butcher in Central, which is actually about 8 miles away, has organic beef and lamb. We were grocery shopping last Saturday and I just could not bring myself to buy a roast from the grocery store. I actually sort of whined about it (sorry Jake), but looking back, am so glad I did. We looked it up on the iPhone (shameless plug) and easily found it. We got lamb chops, a leg of lamb, hamburger meat, a huge roast, and even some chicken. We froze most of it, as we just don't eat meat very much. I get so excited about food. It is the way to my heart. Forget the flowers and chocolate and movie dates. Bring me some Rosie's guacamole or home made mushroom soup and I am yours.

Then, this past Sunday, a friend told me about the Honest To Goodness Dairy located a few towns away was actually selling their organic milk at a Florence grocery store. So today, after picking up Madeline from school, I drove over there and checked it out. Their milk was cheaper than everyone else's milk. $1.69 a GALLON!! I've never seen those prices.. especially with organic milk. I was thrilled!!

I feel so much better when I am giving my children something that benefits their growing bodies, instead of just giving them something to give them something.

Florence is definitely making great strides, and I am so glad I live here.

It makes me happy.

These were my favorites from My First Fail. 

This is the Spawn of Josh and Rachel's children.. if they have any. 

And this is my childhood, summed up in one picture. 

Thank you Sara, for making my day so much brighter. 

Conversations : Jacob and Lily.

Tonight, I made the girls go downstairs and pick up the 67 pieces of chalk that lay scattered on the floor. Yesterday I picked up Lily a little too quickly and my back has been out ever since. This means everyone else picks up their OWN messes and Mama is off the hook for a few days.  This also means Mama is going to take the advantage and find things for other people in this house to do.  Leading to a bit of guilt. I told the girls if they pick all the chalk, then I would give everyone some ice cream afterwards.  You should have seen how fast it all got picked up. 

Upstairs, the girls wanted to sing "Happy Birthday" to Madeline, because she will turn 5 on Wednesday, and this has caused quite a stir in our home. Just thinking of artificial sweeteners and spongy cake goodness causes them to shake with drooling anticipation. After singing to her TWICE... Once when the ice cream came on the table, a second time with a candle "with fire on it" in her ice cream, I walked away. Lily and her little butt got down from the table, and walked into the living room where Jacob and I were talking.  The sweet little grin and bouncy curls looked at us ... waiting.  She knew. 

Jacob: "LILY! Put that bowl back in the kitchen!"

Lily: "no." ::grinning::

Jacob: "yes!"

Lily: "no! "   :: smiling::

Jacob: "Do you want a spanking?"

Lily:  "no?   YES!!"

Jacob: "OOONE..... TWOOOO....."

Lily: "THREEEE!!" ::giggles and runs away::

This is why Jacob is going to have a much much harder time than me when they become teenagers. I will threaten them within an inch of their life. And then I will make them believe it.  

Easter Weekend.

Easter Weekend wasn't so bad this year. It was actually kind of nice. There were no screaming matches, no food was thrown ,  no vomit, no goose eggs on foreheads.

First, I went to my Mothers side of the family and had lunch with corresponding Egg Hunt.  Then I went  to my Dad's, where we had church, lunch and corresponding Egg Hunt. 

This is my Dad's last year to be preaching during Easter. This June he will retire from the Clergy. THANKYOUGOD. For once, I would like to not have to travel all the way down to Deliverance country and perhaps go to my very own church for Easter Sunday.  I think the church will really miss him.  He has been there for about 12-13 years now, and he has traveled an hour there every Sunday and back again for that long.  His gas bill, and his car, will thank him come June.  

My step mother put  yellow roses she cut from her garden in our room where we stayed, and that made a difference to me. I love yellow roses. She probably didn't know that, but it made me happy to see them and it was sweet.  

Here, I like to joke that my Dad is saying "Lord, what am I going to do with these granddaughters of mine??" They are quite the handful. 

Madeline, standing outside of my Dad's church, being all cute and sweet as usual. 

She reminds me so much of myself when I was her age. 

Here, Lily shows her Aunt Beth this flower she picked and how it is more special than any other flower in the whole wide world and can I ride home with you, please??

When I was Lily's age, I sucked my fingers the exact same way she does, only it was with my other hand. My Step-mother made these dresses for the girls. 

Lily is upset with me that I am trying to take her picture, and clings to big sister Anne for help. Anne loves Lily and loves to show affection to her little sister. She just hugs her back. 

That was pretty much my Easter. It was nice, but I am so glad to be back home and be in Florence. There is no other place like it for us. We've visited all over the country, but Florence holds special meaning for us and we wouldn't trade it for anything else.  Now, if you have a bungalow down in the Caribbean and there are sandy white beaches and twizzlers to drink our coconut drinks out of, and palm trees and all of our friends can come, then I might think about living there for half of the year.

I realize that I am not having any more children, and with that, the sadness comes that I will never again hold a little newborn that is my own. I am not letting Lily's youth slip away from my memory like I did with my other two girls.  I remember being so tired and just wishing they could hurry up and learn to eat by themselves, to tie their own shoes, to go potty by themselves, and put themselves to sleep.  With Lily my reality is solidified by the fact she is the youngest. It all comes into focus. It becomes important. 

So the other morning while I was getting my coffee, I looked over and saw her sitting there, quietly, eating her breakfast cereal, by herself.  I smiled and watched her, so big, not needing me for anything.  I grabbed my camera which just happened to be on the counter and  took a few pictures of her. One day I will look back and miss these days.

Just go ahead and stick a dagger in my heart.

Jacob got to Chicago! They made it up there pretty fast, actually.. I was impressed.  He had told me that they were in "wicked heavy traffic" and that the city was busy and beautiful. He sent me a picture of the Sears Tower. I talked to him when he got to his hotel and chatted for a while, although, they were pretty exhausted from driving for 10 hours. 

A little later, I called him and he blurted "I CAN'T TALK. I'M DRIVING. I'M TRYING TO FIND HEATHER ARMSTRONG."  I hung up the phone and got really excited, mainly because I LOVE her and would die if I got to be in the same room with her. So witty and brilliant, that lady. 

He called me a while later and I eagerly answered, thinking.... well.. thinking so many things. For instance.. Did he just tell her he "drove all the way from Alabama to Chicago and can you please say hello to my wife who is in love with you?" Instead I heard a defeated "Hey, Honey." Which meant bad things that would later come back to haunt me. He said yes, they did find the bookstore. Yes, she is still here signing books. They are all sold out of books. THEY ARE ALL SOLD OUT OF BOOKS. THEY ARE ALL SOLD OUT OF BOOKS. For REALz. I heard all this chatter and I felt all the mixed emotions of defeat and utter excitement. 

Me: "Well.. Can... you just tell her I said Hello and you drove all that way and I love her?"

Jacob : "no."

Me: " How does she look? Is she all tired and bloated and pregnant-looking??"

Jacob: "uh.. she's putting on a good face."

Me: "Can you just hold up your iPhone and take a PICTURE of her???"

Jacob: "No."

Me: "Well!!  Can you just .."

Jacob: "NO, LAURA. There is a room full of people. There is a long, long line to see her.  It's going to take her another hour just to sign all those people's books."

I felt so close.. yet so far away.  I actually did that little girl squeal when he called me from the hotel. It went something like this "eeeeeeeeeeI'msoexcitedyourinthesamecityasheeeerrrrr!!!".

It's the effort. That is why I love that man. 

We Made It!

Today I am married exactly 8 years. This is remarkable, for many many reasons.
One, my family (sorry Beth) is f'ing crazy. CRAZY. They gave me these... demands... restrictions.. before I got married. This really frustrated me, because they did not know Jacob, and I'll give them that. But I knew him. I knew he was going to be a wonderful husband and one day, Father. There is no way you can tell your family the things that you have learned. They will not listen. All they are interested in is how far they have come in life, and how you are just 22 and will most certainly make those same mistakes as them. Either "I didn't find myself until I was thirty, and neither will you" or "you can't get married until you do ______ and _______ and ________" or my personal favorite stab in the back... "You don't think you are going to get divorced too?" From the lady that divorced one alcoholic and quickly married another alcoholic.

This is the one day of the year that I revisit those words, those looks, and I can feel so much accomplishment and pride and happiness that I have this wonderful family here in my arms. Loving and together.. Happy and sane... )most of the time) we have a roof over our heads, we feed our children healthy meals, they have clothes and go on vacations and we are responsible happy people. I really wasn't expected to be like this 8 years ago. My family saw me as poor, sad Laura. They thought my church was a cult that we gave all our money to, they thought Jacob was dumb (laughable , at best, because he is the smartest man I know.)
I feel like I have accomplished so much to them, and I feel like their eyes have been opened to Jacob and what a wonderful human being he is. Often, I have thought about what it might be like if he ever died suddenly of a heart attack, or was killed in a car crash. I imagined what loneliness to that degree must feel like. If (God forbid) anything ever happened to either of us, I don't think we would be able to cope. My life would be crushed. Jacob once told me that even though people don't really ever speak about it, he loved me more than he loved our children. I can't imagine choosing him or the children, but I do understand what he meant. I would never want to marry anyone else. He is the perfect person for me, despite our differences, and I would always be comparing another person to Jacob.
We love each other more than I can express in a blog, and I am very thankful for the years we have had together and the exciting years to come.
Happy Anniversary, Honey!
We made it!