There have been many times in my life when I have tried to tell you something, and you didn't believe me. I don't know why you didn't believe me, because Lord knows I want to be taken seriously. I desperately want be seen as an open, honest and trustworthy person. One day Brandice was over at my house, and I opened the door, screamed, and yelled that a snake just fell on my head. Brandice did her "siiighh" and then announced that, no, a snake most certainly Did Not just fall on my head.
Until I showed her the snake.
I don't know how that little bastard got up there in the door frame, but it did. And it had sinister thoughts at how it would get up the nerve the next time Laura opened the door and jump on her. OKAY, now I get it... you don't believe me because I have a wild imagination, yes I DO! Guilty. But I am most certainly honest.
I tried to tell some people not too long ago how my neighbors must have some conspiracy against me. We put the Obama/Biden sign in our yard, and the next thing I know, they were showing off their guns, IN THEIR FRONT YARD. Maybe it was the Obama-anti-gun-craze that sent thousands of rednecks to buy AK 47 assault rifles at the local pawn shops, or maybe it was just coincidence. One day I came home to find my neighbor across the street showing off his shotgun. To Me. The person who could care less about guns. I don't even know what gun-names are. That is how STUPID I am about guns. I know the long ones are shot guns, okay? and the short ones.. they... they are pistols. or.. handguns.. whatever.
Then a few days later... Jacob and I were enjoying the morning in our bright, sunny kitchen when we heard a loud BANG. I ran to the window and saw our two neighbors next-door shooting their.. rifle at a woodpecker.
That's right.
A WOODPECKER.
With a SHOTGUN.
BY OUR HOUSE.
See they have a wood siding house, and the woodpeckers will come and peck holes in the side of their home. Some of the holes are rather large. They actually killed that woodpecker that day.
A few days later, I looked at the window and saw them again. We live in the CITY LIMITS. We live "downtown". Lady was walking in the middle of the street looking for that woodpecker just to show his face. That woodpecker best find somewhere else to peck.
Please Mr. woodpecker.
4 comments:
::Sigh::
It could have been a stick, or a part of the house could have fallen on your head, or it could have been a leaf. In my defense, people had convinced me that there were not any snakes in Vermont that you needed to be afraid of. So, I thought you must be hallucinating.
If you opened up your back door, here in Alabama, and said there was a snake, I wouldn't have said anything, because I would've been out the front door before you finished your sentence.
Maybe, we can move into your neighbors house, and they can move into our house, and my crazy neighbor who claims to shoot at people through his roof because they're climbing on his roof, can just shoot each other.
Plus, we can be neighbors.
I think I left out parts of sentences in my first comment.
I'll just let you all decipher that.
I'm so sorry, Laura.
I'm pretty sure it's not legal to discharge a firearm within the city limits. And there are some species of woodpeckers that are endangered in Alabama. So, by calling the police and possibly the game warden, they could get a double whammy. Just a thought...
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