A Year in the Life.

Recently I was watching on Tv all the celebrity deaths of 2009. Patrick Swayze, Michael Jackson, Brittany Murphy, Etc. It is interesting to think of all the immense talent that was lost. But in the light of hollywood and beautiful people, I have to admit it really makes me gag. I hate hollywood and all the trash that it promotes. The glamour, the sparkles, the dresses, it is really just a shame to fall into that trap, if you ask me. Perhaps I am just like Anne Hathaways character in the beginning of the movie "The Devil Wears Prada"... I just don't give a shit about all of it.

Of all the people that has passed, I only get choked up at one person.. Ted Kennedy. He fought and fought hard.. all the way to the end. I can't imagine having cancer, and battling the terrible disease while speaking in front of millions of people about Health Care reform. I almost cannot even write the words I want to express without feeling immensely sad for him.

This year has been full of changes, and great strides have been made (in my eyes) by electing our first African-American President. I am so proud and happy for the First Family. I have also learned lessons this year that will carry for the rest of my life. Lessons such as standing up for myself, and my children, living my life the way I need to.. not the way other people need me to live. It is a big lesson for me, because I am a people pleaser, and I am learning to love myself in the process of letting go of others. Big Lesson, and HARD. In it all... I am blessed and happy and feeling very fulfilled at the ending of the year.

Well, Internet, I hope you have a wonderful New Year. This is going to be a quiet one for me. I am home, in Jammies, with my Mom and husband and girls.

Many Blessings,

Laura

Things I hear my kids say.

Just heard from Anne : You have "Spaghetti-Breath, Lily!!"

LOLZ.

You Can't Always Get What you Want.

Lily has been going through this phase where she is just... retarded about the toilet. She is potty trained, and can easily go potty ALL BY HERSELF. Lately, though, she will not even step foot in that bathroom without one of us hovering over her, encouraging her that "she can do it! Go potty! sit down! Do it! Do it! DO IT! DO IIIITTT!!!" Eventually she will go, but another thing hinders her from finishing the job.

Flushing the Toilet.

She can't seem to get her little hands to push hard enough on the lever to flush it. And she gets really really mad about it. She will scream and cry, and instead of saying "Flush the Toilet Mama!" She screams.. "TURN ON THE SWISHIE!!"

I always end up laughing at her and trying to teach her to flush, but then end up flushing it myself and then that makes her REALLY MAD. Like, "why the hell did you flush it, woman?".

I do not understand 3 year olds. I figure this is a little glimpse of Teenager Lily.

Be Careful Little Ears, What you hear.

There are times in my life, where I have had an epiphany, an eye opening, an awakening to how things are or have been in my life. These moments of clarity to life's mysteries always leave me to be more of a grown woman, a little bit better of a wife, or mother. I never write about them, but keep them hidden in my heart so I will remember them and keep them close to me.

A moment like this happened to me recently and more than anything I was ashamed at how I had been acting around my children. Sometimes, children will say cuss words or make some action that is just like their parents. When the parents ask "where did you hear that word??!" Of course, the parents are immediately ashamed when they realize it was out of their very own mouths that the sweet innocent children heard those words. Sometimes over, and over, and over again.

It happened when we went on vacation recently, to Orange Beach, Alabama. It is my favoritestestest place to go. We have been there before, but actually, it is the first time I have ever really felt like I was on vacation. That is sad to say... but honestly, I don't get to go on vacation with people who let me be myself. This time, is was wonderful .. I was with my husband, my children, my mother, and our roommate Aaron. Aaron is Benstedman's brother. We claim them all as family (see Stedman/Senecal Thanksgiving), and when the opportunity came for Aaron to live with us in January, of course we wanted him here. I hope he never leaves. He is perfect with the girls (when we get to see him) and loves to play and be a perfect gentleman in my home and be considerate and kind and forgiving. It is wonderful .

So.. we are on vacation. This means we are in a place that has cable. Jacob took away my cable (I say MY cable for many reasons JonStewart) when we needed to save some money. He got a Tivo in its place and it is the best thing Jacob has ever bought, besides my wedding ring. We watched everything on vacation that we don't get to watch at home.... including the stupid stuff. On one channel, a woman is crying tears of joy... because she is hunting in the woods with her pubescent son, and they are waiting on this one buck who is oblivious to their little hideout. They waited patiently for three days for these deer to wander over to this field.. and they take their shot and she gets her buck. Normally we would never watch this, but by gosh we are on VACATION. While I am standing there, thinking.. ::poor deer. Poor kid!:: Madeline saunters over to the TV and yells " a deer! A DEEER!!! " and starts barking. At the TV screen. Loud. "bark! bark! Bark! bark!"

This is when my moment of realizing that every time I go over to the window or door to scare the deer out of my yard, and bark at them, my children see it. They are just mimicking me. And honestly, I look pretty stupid. I have decided to not bark at the deer anymore. I will just watch them from my windows... glaring at them until they run away.

I am going to be more careful about lots of things. :)

Seasons. They are a Changing.

I realize the last two posts were contradicting of each other, one was a "Wow" and one was a "Pow". In the College group that I am somehow (a God thing) a part of... they do this thing called PowWow. When they asked me to be a part of this group, and help out, I was flattered and jumped at the chance to hang out with the College group at church. Are you kidding me?? Man, an hour (or two, or three!!) without children and be around people who get to sleep and read books and listen to music.. probably music that I like? HELL YES.

So I joined. But then I realized I had sort of bit off more than I can chew. Dealing with a 2 year old like Lily... a job, a husband, a house to clean and those pesky Stedmans to deal with... (kidding BEN! pleasedon'thurtme) and I have two other children too.

So anyway.. they do these icebreakers, and I was already so nervous to even be there, and didn't know anyone, and then they do the POWWOW thing, and I thought I was going to pee in my pants right then and there. But you give a "pow", which is a negative thing that happened this week.. then a "wow" which is a positive thing. I think you understand. If you don't, you shouldn't be reading my blog, you idiot. But I am normally a nervous person, so speaking in front of others in painful to watch.

I started reading the book that went along with the class.. and I am surprised at myself. This book, called SEVEN, by Jeff Cook, has really ministered to me. What a blessing this class has been. (the wow) I feel like God has completely orchestrated the whole thing. It goes over the Bible's "Seven Deadly Sins" and let me tell you.. WOW. This book is amazing. I would encourage it a read for everyone.

So everything has been lacking lately. My proficiency as a wife an mother and house-keeper is all shot to hell. I just can't get everything done. So my expectancy in myself is going down. If I keep high expectations on myself I will just drive me and everyone around me crazy.

My house will be messy. I will forget homework. I might forget to brush my childs hair in the morning. I might be wearing mis-matched socks or need a drink at 3 in the afternoon. But this is the season I am in. And if your expectations of me are higher than this... I will go ahead and tell you that I will let you down. Cause I can't do much better than this.

Little known fact: I LOVE DAVID BOWIE. The Thin White Duke is a little dream of mine. Yes my husband knows. No, I do not rub it in his face. nom nom nom, Bowie.

Little Girl/For Sale/ Going CHEAP.

I will not hurt my kids. I will not hurt my kids. I will not yell at them. I will not yell. I will not scrunch up my face and glare at them. I will not slam my door. I will not stomp off and cry.

Lately Lily and Madeline have been a handful .. no.. a SHOVEL full. A Tractor trailer full. They are amazingly bad. But I refuse to say that Lily is in her "Terrible Twos". I've always tried to be more positive and say the Wonderful Ones, the Terrific Twos, the Thunderous Threes, the Fabulous Fours, Fantastic Fives, and so on. Anne really loves it when I am this positive, but lately it has been hard to be so positive. From pulling up a chair to get magic markers on the counter, or dumping lasagna noodles on the kitchen floor, or whatever... Lily is into everything all the time.

This morning, I had to go to a meeting. I had pictures on the dining room table sorted out from our New England vacation to give to different grandparents. There must have been seven different piles for friends and siblings. When I returned, Jacob was in the kitchen doing dishes and Lily had dumped all the pictures I had sorted out onto the floor. Then she took the salt and pepper shakers and dumped it all over the table. People.. This is ONE thing that she did today. Can I mention the pooping in her panties, unraveling my yarn, painting her nails with fingernail polish, getting handfuls of pringles from the kitchen, opening all the umbrellas and placing them in rooms, still open...

It is 2:40 in the afternoon. That is it. There is still so many hours left in the day to do mischief. So. Many. More. Hours.

I feel like I have been the disciplinarian in our home from the beginning. Jacob is very very patient and very calm and often does not hear what the kids are yelling at each other. Often I will be the one to break up fights or turn the water off or stop the banging. It just doesn't register with him, probably because he was the oldest of so many children in his family and quickly learned how to mentally tune noise out. He goes into his little world and I am left with three screaming children and a mound of Barbie heads.

So.. what do I do? I can't really get Jacob out of his world easily and I cannot keep Lily on a leash. Well, I could, but then all my friends would call me a 'child abuser'. I refuse that sort of ridicule so instead I am struggling to keep my dishes intact. Any time there is a quiet spell, I am immediately tuned into finding Lily. This morning, I found her in our bathroom rummaging through our drawers. She then went into the hallway and marked on the walls. Even though she gets into trouble, she keeps repeating the same acts of disobedience. Sometimes she gets spanked, but I try to just either sit her in time out or tell her "NO! That is NOT the right thing to do." She seems to understand that and will say "okaaay. I sorrrry!"

Maybe she is not getting enough interactive play, whatever it is, I have got to figure it out soon so I will not run away and join Barnum and Bailey Circus. I think there is less face paint and jumping through hoops with them.

You've Got To Admit, It's Getting Better.

Lately lots of things have been changing around here. Sometimes Jacob and I will ride through town and notice all the new businesses that have moved into the old buildings. Recently, we have noticed that Seven Points in Florence has had new life moving through it's streets. What used to be an old warehouse of a building is now Rice Box, a thriving and popular place to eat Sushi. Then an abandoned old eatery is now Sweet Magnolia Cafe. They are always busy in the afternoon dishing out their portobello and goat cheese paninis.

I'm really glad that when we moved back there was so much improvement to Florence. Deibert Park is always a favorite, the Splash Pad down at the River, the new Florence Library, and Aroma's became Rivertown Coffee.

The newest and possibly the most exciting changes have happened just recently. I discovered a butcher in Central, which is actually about 8 miles away, has organic beef and lamb. We were grocery shopping last Saturday and I just could not bring myself to buy a roast from the grocery store. I actually sort of whined about it (sorry Jake), but looking back, am so glad I did. We looked it up on the iPhone (shameless plug) and easily found it. We got lamb chops, a leg of lamb, hamburger meat, a huge roast, and even some chicken. We froze most of it, as we just don't eat meat very much. I get so excited about food. It is the way to my heart. Forget the flowers and chocolate and movie dates. Bring me some Rosie's guacamole or home made mushroom soup and I am yours.

Then, this past Sunday, a friend told me about the Honest To Goodness Dairy located a few towns away was actually selling their organic milk at a Florence grocery store. So today, after picking up Madeline from school, I drove over there and checked it out. Their milk was cheaper than everyone else's milk. $1.69 a GALLON!! I've never seen those prices.. especially with organic milk. I was thrilled!!

I feel so much better when I am giving my children something that benefits their growing bodies, instead of just giving them something to give them something.

Florence is definitely making great strides, and I am so glad I live here.

p.s.

Also.. Don't get your little panties in a wad. Because if you are reading this, the person I am angry about is not you. Because that person never talks to me. 

There. Glad we settled that. 

Carry on!

WTF??

I know.   Some of you are thinking.. "LAAAAURUUHH!! I know what that 'F' stands for!!" And my answer to you is... "I do too. And I don't care. "

So now that we are passed that... on to thoughts.  Umm.. I'm angry. REAL angry. I have a friend, that acts all pure and sweet, and I think they are actually fooling people to believe this.  I feel angry about this because I just want to be myself, and I want everyone else to know me for who I am. Like an open book. And I get angry when people I know are fooling others, and are not showing others their real self. I want to OUT them, but am learning patience to realize that people will always figure out the real truth in time. You know? It will be known. 

I have the best husband.. I know you are thinking you have the best husband, and my thoughts are... you probably have the best husband for YOU.  But I have the best husband for ME.  We are sitting there the other night, watching TV, and he looks over at me and says " You know what?? You are my home. I mean, we could live anywhere, do anything, but I wouldn't be home unless you were there."   

So I say "Stop it. Where is the tape recorder? I need to tape this. "

And he says "If I didn't have you, I would be Homeless."

And I am thinking to myself.. write this down, Nicolas Sparks... wherever you are.. This is GOLD. I want to see Rachel McAdams little doe eyes sparkle on screen when some hunk says that to her so I can cry with my girlfriends.  

My other thoughts today are.. I let people take advantage of me.. my time, my efforts, my love and patience, and that is all about to S-T-O-P.   I am tired of not taking time for myself and family and instead doing for others. I mean, I love ya'll and all.. but puh-leeze-- it has got to stop. And it will.   Three seconds ago. 

Fall is right around the corner and allergies to go along with it. We already take allergy medicine everyday and it doesn't seem to help much, so I am breaking out the local honey. One teaspoon (or tablespoon,... or 1/2 cup. ) a day and it should ease symptoms of  seasonal allergies. 

That is all.. 

TGIF

Madeline reminded me that today is FRIDAAAY!! and you know what that means, of course.   

What's that?

you DON'T know??!!? 

Well, of course it is Friday, and in Five-year-old language, that means it is French Fry-day.  

So every week, on Friday, I get this guilt trip about it being Friday, and mom, I really feel like going somewhere today. Where you ask? Oh, you know.. a restaurant.  Um, one that serves french Fries. And I am sooooo hungry oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh my stomach hurts, I am dying of hunger look at my eyes roll back in my head. 

I think I should go ahead and put that kid in some drama classes. 

It makes me happy.

These were my favorites from My First Fail. 

This is the Spawn of Josh and Rachel's children.. if they have any. 

And this is my childhood, summed up in one picture. 

Thank you Sara, for making my day so much brighter. 

You know Jacob has had enough when...

I called Brandice today and told her how grumpy my husband was today, and how I thought it was so out-of-the-ordinary because WE WIVES are supposed to be the grumpy ones!! We are the ones running after that wild-eyed two year old with a magic marker in her little hand, while she makes a streak of black along the hallway wall. All the while I am screaming "get back here!" and she is laughing hysterically.  Oh, Motherhood.. you tricky tricky thing. You show me this beautiful helpless babe who needs me for sustenance and life, and then it grows to be a marker-loving-2-year-old devil who likes to kick you in the face while wiggling in your bed at 3 a.m.

So Jacob woke up grumpy. Maybe it was the fact that before we even got out of bed this morning, Lily had woken up, found my make-up bag, unzipped it, found the mascara and clutching it in her little hands, had made a beautiful black drawing on her bedroom floor carpet.   and her legs.   and her face.   and my make-up bag. 

It is times like this that I treasure the most.. the Jacob-being-grumpy part.  He is so funny when he is grumpy.  I asked him to help me make dinner in the kitchen, which tonight consists of cutting up a bunch of fresh vegetables from the garden to make a chicken vegetable stew.  The girls had come running through, with an elaborate play they made up starring Lily as Strawberry Shortcake, Anne as her dog Pupcake, and Madeline as her cat Custard.  I riled them up by announcing that today was National Chocolate Milk day, and "who wants some??".  

After giving them their drinks and all the jumping and shouting on their part, Jacob ushered them back into their bedroom, put a Strawberry Shortcake movie on for them,  and warned them not to leave the room.  I didn't know this until I took a break from making dinner to go back there and check on them. 

They were all sitting there, playing out the parts, and I sat down and gave Lily a big hug. Anne looked at me and said, in a sort-of shy tone : "Daddy said if we set one toe out of this room, he was going to put us in the basement and make us starve. " In which Anne and I busted out laughing... how ridiculous is that?   Please!!   If we put them anywhere, they would find a way out. They would eat through the walls, these kids of mine. They are tough and mean and have sharp metal teeth.  And Jacob has the biggest heart of gold. He can't even bring himself  to spank those girls, or put them in the corner. 

I just heard him leave the kitchen, grab a girl in the hallway and growl "RRRAAAAWWWRRR!!! I'M AN OGRE!!!" and I know that hearing all the girls screaming secretly made him happy. 

zzzzzzzzzz........

This is what happens to me every week. .

I clean my house, I vacuum, mop, do laundry, and dishes. I make sure everything is put away and the coffee is ready to start in the morning. I feel so organized and accomplished.  It feels so great to look around and feel like you can walk around without your shoes on.. God forbid you step on one of those sharp little legos that bruise the bottom of your tender feet. 

I go to bed patting myself on the back and then that thing happens.. It happens often. It's happened most of my life. I don't sleep.  Somewhere down the line, there must be vampire blood or owl blood or something else that is majorly screwed, because I can't figure out what I am doing wrong to deny myself sleep. 

I LOVE sleep. I could stay in bed aaaaallllll day and just snuggle in the covers and and read my Readers Digest or watch Barack Obama and dream about what it would be like if I had married him or Jon Stewart instead.   

But sometimes, well.. often.. I just don't sleep. I will lay away till about 2 or 3 a.m. and then finally drift off. Then if or when I wake up, my day becomes Cranky Momma Day. The kids scatter and learn to get their own water or juice. Last week on that particular day, I woke up and started sneezing over and over. So I decide to take a Benadryl. (I never take medicine). About an hour later, Jacob is ready to go to work and the Benadryl knocks my ass out.  I am the crankiest momma ever, yelling "SSHHHHHHH!!!", and "LET MOM SLEEEEP."

My children have learned from this sleep deprived state of motherhood. 

The other day, the girls were talking to themselves at the kitchen table. Madeline started chanting "Apple juice! Apple juice!! Apple juice!! Apple juice!! Apple juice!! Apple juice!!" and I said "Madeline, that isn't a nice way to ask for juice. " And Anne piped up to be the big sister and said "Maaaadeliiine. Don't ask like that. You could anger Mom. And then she might ATTACK!!" and she curled her fingers and sort of lunged at Madeline.  Which I thought was hilarious. 

Today was a good morning, though. I got up, took a shower to wake myself up, and started cleaning. Then I swept, mopped, checked on the garden, mailed my netflix back, stuff like that. I'm getting ready for Ben Stedman to come over for dinner, which he never does anymore because he is famous and has to practice all the time for his band that I secretly wish he wasn't in.  Because then he would be bored and we could see him more.  I have a feeling that since I didn't sleep last night, that he will come over, I will laugh and have a drink and then perhaps pass right out and not spend any time with him. I won't get to make fun of him or ANYTHING.

Guess I better get it all out of my system right when he walks in the door.  Anyone wanna help me fill up some water balloons?

The Most Magical Place in the World...

.......Used to be Disney Land. Now when someone wins the Superbowl,  all they want to do is go to the Florence River Heritage Park Splash Pad!! Well.. at least me and my kids do. And IT'S FREE!! 

I have only just started taking my children there. I guess I was intimidated by the fact that I would have to take them by myself, and was unsure how much trouble it would be to get them out of the car, set up camp, chase them and yell in front of innocent children with their parents. 

I always have this fear that I am going to do that thing where I start yelling at my kids in public and all the music will stop, and everyone swivels their heads to look at me, mouth agape.  Crickets will chirp, and I will be embarrassed that I was the one yelling in public. 

So, I finally went. To my delight, I wasn't the only one yelling, and  thankfully, the girls were really  really good. :)

It seems like a little oasis in the boring parts of summer, when the air conditioned rooms dry out your skin and make you feel cold.  Every day I wake up and think... should I take the girls to the Splash Pad? They have fun music playing, chlorinated water, and I bring my chair and set up to watch the girls and get some well-deserved sunshine on my face. 

We have only had a couple of really bad moments there. One day Anne dove knee-first onto the concrete, skinning her knees pretty bad.  The other one was horrifying, Madeline got hurt on the gusts of water in a private area.  

Even after scrapes and boo-boos, we still love to go. I think it is magical in the sense that it makes Mommy happy, and I usually bring snacks and Capri-Suns for them.  

Sunshine + Snacks + happy Mama.. = seems too good to be true. 

Now when I say "Who wants to go to the Splash Pad??", Lily will jump up, take her clothes off and scream "SPLASH PAD SPLASH PAD BABY SOUP BABY SOUP". Baby Soup is how she says "bathing suit". 

Maybe we will go today...

See??

This is what happens when Brandice leaves her Baby things here. 

Lily thinks she is a baby again. 

A major milestone happened today, without my control or nagging.  Many of you know that my middle child Madeline will not eat certain things. In fact, her eating habits are in these food groups :  Chicken nuggets, plain straight french fries, french baguette bread, grapes, apples, oranges, berries, most fruit.. and uncooked raw vegetables, such as carrots sticks, cucumber slices, peas, beans, cabot sharp cheddar ( it has to be Cabot) and peanut butter.  That is pretty much IT, folks.  And her food cannot touch each other. I forgot hotdogs. She loves hotdogs.  When I give her the hotdog, she will often tell me whether or not she wants it cut up, or in a bun, and what to put on the dog itself.  If I put mustard and ketchup on her plate, THEY CANNOT TOUCH OR THE PLANET WILL EXPLODE, MOM. 

Seriously, I will have to start all over. She will not eat a peanut butter sandwich. But she will eat peanut butter on a spoon and then eat some bread on the side.  Won't eat macaroni and cheese, or pizza, or spaghetti... none of the kid-loving meals. I make a big fuss about how silly it is for her to get upset and make sure she knows that I think she should just get over it. 

Today Madeline and Lily were watching Blues Clues (or Lily says.. Boos Cooos!!) and it was the 'snack time' episode. When I made the girls lunch today, I just made a "snack time" themed lunch. I bought Madeline one of those plates with dividers so it would be easier for me to keep her food separated. I put some cut up apples in one pocket, a piece of bread in another, cucumbers, and a spoonful of peanut butter.  Later when I came in the room, she wanted to show me how when you mix apples with peanut butter that "it tastes like apple juice". I was shocked as I watched her dip a slice of apple into her peanut butter AND THEN EAT IT. Without force.  I was amazed.  

And she said she saw it on Blues Clues. 

I love you, T.V. 

Hooray!

I got another self-righteous criticizing letter from my step-mother! 

Life is beautiful and awesome and perfect. 

Things I Love/Things you didn't know about me.. Part 2.

1. Recently, I have discovered Mint Juleps.  Helen Allman had me come over one night and had everything all laid out and showed me how to make it. Then she gave me the recipe that she printed out , and drew a little mint julep on it.  That is so like her to give me something like that.  LOVES. 
   
2. I like it when it is blistering hot outside, and I have to go every-stinking-where  with my 2 year old screaming and wiggling and trying to get away from me, and she goes towards those doors that open automatically, but someone stops her. Then I try to get the car cooled off as quickly as I can, because getting the kids in and out of their car seats while it is 103 outside is not pleasant. And then I come home and it is dark and cold and quiet and everyone takes a nap because it was so hot today. :)  
3. I like people who have swimming pools. Let's face it, if I had a swimming pool, I bet I would have a lot more friends. 
4. I love my friends. I have the BEST FRIENDS. I really do. We are close, and that is wonderful to me. It seems as I get older I see so many people.. especially people in my family, not have real, true, good friends.   I feel sad because they are not experiencing this kind of friendship in their lives. Not a day goes by that at least two of my friends call me or I call them.  (or see them). We are family to each other.  We text, g-talk, phone each other, or just meet up and have nice long talks over sushi.  
5. I love my church. I never thought I would be able to leave Calvary and the people there, but my church is awesome. They build me up and bless me, and I have purpose there. I feel needed and blessed and lifted up. 
6. MY ACCOUNTABILITY GROUP. Lord, almighty. They know about me, I mean... they KNOW about me.  I don't want to think what I would do without those ladies. 
7. Jennie Corley's roasted Pecans.  People, listen. You take pecans, put them in a pan, add some butter and salt, and roast those suckers while stirring them.. you have got yourself a snack. Put them in your baby green salad for something you will soon be addicted to.  
8. I love Jaimee's laugh. One day, I will record it and put it on here for your listening pleasure. 
9. I love it when Jimi attacks Lily in the Florence-Lauderdale Library corridor, making her screams bounce off the marble floors and interrupt everyone's internet chat room drama. It makes me laugh and have hopes that one day he will have children of his own. 
10. I love our basement. It's nice and cold in the summer. In the mornings, when Jacob is a wise man and is trying to give his wife a few more minutes of sleep, he will usher our girls down there to watch a princess movie.  This gives me valuable REM time to think about how I am getting out of the flood that is lapping up onto my porch (see #4 of Favorite things 1).
11. I love it when Aaron sprays his cologne in his room... The smell will drift out into the hallway and at least my hallway smells nice. Sometimes I day-dream that I will take his cologne and spray it all over the house so my house can smell better. KIDDING, AARON. 
12. Limes. Have I already talked about this?? Well, it deserves another talk. Limes are the best for boosting my mood. Or perhaps you could just bring me some guacamole from Rosies JACOB. 
13. Rosies Cantina.  I'm telling you ... I love Rosies so much, it is programmed into my home phone.  I'm not kidding. It's right under Ricatonis. 
14. Which brings me to Ricatonis. It is the place we go on every date. Jacob and I have just always loved it. We usually order the same thing every time, although lately we have been enjoying the shrimp spiedino. Heavenly. 
15. Food.  I love food. Everyone that knows me thinks I am a good cook. That is silly, because I really am not that great of a cook, people. I just love food. I love tasting it and tasting it and it just gets out of control sometimes. Note #7 and # 12 in this issue of "Lauras Favorites". See? There is just no getting around Sara Martins tomato Pie and Limes and Pecans and fresh basil and rosemary and... baby bella mushrooms sautéed with chicken. 

I'm hungry now. 

Things I Love: (part one)

1. I love Brandice. I love Brandice because she talks to me and understands me but most importantly... Does not judge my crazy ways. She probably just shakes her head and says something like "OH, That Laura!!!".
2. Ben and Jerry's Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream.  No explanation. 
3. My husband. He is my hero.    He. Is. My. Hero. 
4. I love water. I dream about water every--single---night. Some times I am on a boat, drifting in deep blue calm waves. Sometimes there is a flood, and I am watching the waves lap up onto a porch or room. Sometimes I am on a beach, and drifting out to sea. Not sure what this means except perhaps it is because I am a pisces and the fact that I always have loved water. 
5. I love Journey. Probably one of the reasons I keep watching Adam Sandler movies is because I know I will get to hear "Don't Stop Believing"  at some point. 
6. There is always a song in my head. It is usually one that I heard while walking around Rite Aid and it stuck.  Something by Lionel Ritchie.
7. I always knew I was going to marry someone with a name that started with "J", and I knew they were going to be a musician. I KNEW IT.  I dated 2 Joshs,  1 Jason,  2 Johns,  a Joel, Jeremys.. 3 Jeremys.  Weird?? Yes. 
8. When  Jacob and I were in pre-marital counseling, Jacob told David MacKay that he had never met anyone that knew so much about music without being a musician.  That was probably the biggest compliment he has ever given me. Plus.. you should have seen that grin on David's face. 
9. Pandora is my new best friend.  Music compels me to have a better day and I usually thrive while working around it. I think I have driven people away with my senseless singing of Radiohead jabber.  Or Bjork. Poor Jaimee.  
10. At one point in my life I became obsessed with Bjork.  It was a weird time in my life, and I just clung to it. I realized my obsession and gave all my imports and precious music/videos/books to ex-boyfriend Jeremy.  It isn't that I don't still like her music, but I just don't need to be around it, for healthy reasons.  (Jaimee is happy)
11. One time I begged my mother to let me go the Nirvana concert. Some of my friends were going, and she was adamant that I was NOT going.  The next day my friend wore his Nirvana shirt to school that he got at the concert. As he walked past me, my anger rose up and I firmly punched him square in the gut. He crumpled behind me and I kept walking. I apologized later that day, though. Poor Jon Powell.  He's still my friend. 
12. I always wished I could have been a photographer. I love taking pictures. I feel that I am in a great spot, though. I feel blessed to be able to stay home with my girls and enjoy the age that they are at... and I still take pictures. 
13. I was actually a much better kid than my Mother or family thought I was. I think they probably thought I was a bit of a rebel. Perhaps I was with my dress, but I was actually a really good kid.  There is no way I could have shown them that though. 
14. My husband has the most beautiful eyes that I have ever seen.  He is also the kindest, most peaceful person. But he can't hear worth a damn. Stupid sawmill. 
15. I will probably never eat pimento cheese. It doesn't look right. Cheese is white, people. Not orange. They dye the cheese that color, you know.  We eat Cabot in our house. Pimento cheese just looks all sort of wrong. 
    

I am going to let you in on a few more secrets, ( like how I still rock out to Smashing Pumpkins) but later. Right now, I have to go take Miss Madeline to Movie Gallery where I am sure she will either pick out a. Hello Kitty movie,  b. My Little Pony movie,  c. Strawberry Shortcake movie,  or  d. another Beethoven movie.

Wish us luck.

Well, It's officially Summer Now.

Because I got my first Sunburn of the year. 

Anne's best friend and her Mommy invited us to join them at the local Water Park. This is a magical place that I have never been to before. A big, flat concrete area with chlorinated water shooting up in every direction.  I decided to go and bring Madeline and Lily as well, a chair, and some lemonade. Little did i know that the heat index would be 103. 

So after two hours of whining, scrapes, a big boy knocking Madeline down and lots of Capri Sun, I decided to go home. As I marinated in the radiation of the sun, I felt colder and colder. By the time Jacob came home from work, I was shivering under our covers. 

I got sunburned. It happens every summer, but usually by now I have been at the beach. 

Brrr..

Can you tell where my tank top was??

It will be a ibuprofen-y  next few days....

Hooray summer!!!

Oh and I accidentally killed a snake in the garden yesterday.  (yes Jaimee.. ACCIDENTAL )

 I saw a snake and went all Sarah Gilbert on it before I realized it was a really good snake in the garden and I felt like an ass afterwords. 

saying goodbye...

12-4

Sitting in your basement at 2:30 in the morning because you can't sleep is never the right way to deal with anger. In my defense, I really don't know what else to do but sit here and cry out to God as to what to do with all the hurt, because I am no longer able to function as a realistic wife/friend/mother/daughter with bottled up emotions. I am able to function in a way that people notice something is wrong, but maybe they can't pinpoint it, or perhaps they just don't know how to awkwardly ask why I am behaving in such a way that would make them notice. 

 

Whatever the reasoning, I still sit here. The light of my computer and the hum of my husbands computer. I wonder how long it will take before I go to bed. I wonder how long my husband will let me sleep it off tomorrow. I wonder how long I will continue to not talk to my Father. I wonder how long it will be before he finally calls. I wonder if I will answer. I wonder if my daughters will wonder why we don't visit them anymore. I am wondering if I will continue to feel this way or if it will subside with time, or if I will get bitter and angrier as time goes by. 

I feel like there is freedom ahead but am unsure how to walk towards it. I can see beautiful things but don't know how to reach out and touch them . This is surely to be a long and painful process.  I hope that my daughters will be able to see a strong woman, a loving mother, who stands guard over them, and not the weak and sobbing lady in her bathrobe in the basement. 

I'll never really know, I suppose. But I do know that I am raising my daughters to be able to talk to me, to be able to say the things they want to say, and I will listen. I will listen with every ounce of energy that I have, because I want it. I will be the grandparent that I see in my friends Larry and Helen. I will call my grandchildren, and I will ask them all about their day, and ask them what they had for lunch and who their friends are at school. I will encourage them in the things they love and I will kiss and hug and support them. I will call them on their birthday and tell them how wonderful and special they are. I will have the desire and drive to be the better grandparent.  I will sit at my kitchen table and have long talks with  my daughters over tea or coffee or whisky.. depends on what they are going through.  I will pat them on their hands with my old withered and worn hands, with love, letting them know that storms pass and better times are ahead.  

There is so much hope for them. They come from very loving parents, who in turn love in each other. We work together, and amuse our children with silly games and stories. We lay in the grass together and look at clouds and birds and stars. We play hide and go seek in our home and always act surprised when we hear giggling  coming from the closet and little faces jump out at us. And although it sounds warm and fuzzy and perfect, no ones family is ..  I am guessing that in the great balance of life, the sadness and heartbreak of my childhood and now adulthood will perhaps bring a greater sense of purpose, and create a loving family environment for my daughters childhood.  I learn from others mistakes. That is why I eloped. That is why I stand up for myself when I need to.. and why I stand back and not get involved in others conflicts. 

I am still learning. 

Hopefully a great big lesson soon will bring forth much wisdom.

Visitors

There commmmminngg. 

My husbands family is coming. 

Tonight. 

Seven of his siblings... one nephew I haven't met, a sister-in-law I have met, and a cousin. 

This makes me .... ____________. 

a. Nervous and shaky.

b. Happy.

c. Crazy.

d. Excited.

e. Laid-back and relaxed. 

????? You Pick.

The cousin will be here for three months... with us. 

I am trying to keep my mind open and not be psycho-Laura.  Because she is NOT pretty. Just ask my old roommate Jaimee. Poor Poor Jaimee. 

HEY JAIMEE! You wanna get me a margarita?

psshhhtt.

At lunch today, Lily and I were sitting at the kitchen table, and she was blowing on my potato soup. She said "HOT, Mommy! HOOOOOTT!!" After I had eaten most of it, I offered her the last bite, and she turned her head in a disgusted way and said "ewww yuucckkyy!!!". 

And I actually felt a little hurt by that. :(

SWIMMY!!!!

A couple of days ago, Jacob went out in the backyard and decided to finish up the garden area. We love love our garden area.  It's down towards the woods and there are muscadine grapes growing on a trellis the length of the garden area. 

On another side there are bamboo plants growing tall.. and on another side, there are wild pink roses growing all over the ground. We planted a good size garden last year. However, the deer thought it was a good garden too, and ate absolutely everything, including the sunflowers. Everything... cucumbers, peas, beans, squash, watermelons, pumpkins, kale, okra, lettuce,  and more.  

This year, Jacob bought fencing and a gate to keep, or at least deter, deer from simply walking up and having a nice dinner. He did a great job and when he was finished putting the fence up, he weed-whacked the whole area.  I was down there when he had finished, when I looked down and saw the cutest little thing. 

A little teeny turtle had somehow survived Jacob's weed whacker, and was crawling out of the rubble. Poor wittle baby turtle.  I took him upstairs and placed him on the girls floor. They all came over and when Lily caught sight of him, she let out an ear piercing scream that I am sure will cause me to get a hearing aid within 5 years.  She must have thought it was a bug, because she reacted accordingly. 

We put him in the tub and then I let Madeline hold him. This was huge for her, because just recently she has discovered Roley Poleys.  One day I picked up Madeline from preschool and her teacher was completely freaked out at how she reacted around bugs. Another teacher had to come and physically remove Madeline from the playground and bring her inside to calm her down. After she realized that roley poleys were fairly calm and simple, she has ventured out to touch other things. 

So, the girls named him "Swimmy", because he was swimming in an inch of water, and my outstretched hand was his little rock to climb up on and look around.  We let him go after about 30 minutes, because  the girls know that animals like that are never happy indoors.  They were very good about all of it. I hope that one day we see Swimmy again. 

:)

sigh...

I didn't show you what else Lily did yesterday. She also found the HIDDEN box of compartmentalized beads of Annes.  She took them all out and mixed them up in a sea of color on my drab carpet. 

Lily....  making the world a more colorful place.. one mess at a time. 

French Fries make Mondays Bearable.

I feel like I haven't slept in days. So this will be a lot of rambling.  The day started out pretty well, with Brown Cow peach yogurt and half a banana.  It quickly spiraled out of control when I went to McDonalds to get Madeline some fries and ended up getting THREE bags of fries instead. Then I reached in and took a few out of Madeline and Lily's so there would be more for me. I ate all my fries with leftover blue cheese dressing from Ricatonis and then ate the remainder of Lily's fries. This is after I ate some Chef Boyardee  Ravioli. 

 I am so ashamed.  :(

Madeline asked me this morning if today was Friday. Fridays are so special because she thinks that she will get French Fries on Friday. I don't really know where this came from, but every once in a while, I will amuse her and get her a small fry.  I told her I had no money and she would have to search around the house to find change for Fries.  So, she came inside and started looking under couch cushions, and in drawers, under beds and on closet floors. She couldn't find any money at first, and she came up to me with shoulders slumped and feet dragging. 

"I CAN'T FIND ANY CHAAAAAANGE!!!"  

Then added " This is difficult and frustrating!" I told her to never give up hope, and to keep looking. I found a couple of quarters in a drawer and gave them to her.  Then she started saying "Never give up hope!" We finally found a good bit of change, and I told her we could go to McDonalds.

 I really NEEDED those fries. 

Lily has been a typical 2 year old monster today. As I type, she is pulling on me and trying to step on me. Now she is getting into Jacob's office chair, and I am not doing a thing about it. BECAUSE I'M TIRED.  First, she peed on my bed. Good morning, Laura!  Then, she demanded that I give her some corn pops. 

She is very particular, this two year old.   

Corn Pops!   Bowl!   No Milk!   Now!   Woman!   

Then when it came time for lunch, I made her some ravioli.  After doing a good job of filling her tummy and smearing ravioli sauce all over her shirt, hair, table, etc... she threw her bowl on the floor. My husband swept and mopped the kitchen floor for me this morning. Because I was about to tear my hair out at all the mess. 

DAMN IT, LILY. 

It got better. After I cleaned that up, she decided to pour  

ALL THE TABLE SALT all over the table. And play in it. 

When I finally changed her, I noticed she was stinky. After I cleaned her up, she looked at the dirty diaper beside her, reached over, grabbed it,  and pulled out a poopy finger. This wasn't my breaking point. I figure I have a few more things to happen today before I break. Those fries helped. 

I was listening to some random radio station while eating my french fries in my kitchen. They were talking about eating for your blood type. I was intrigued but my children decided that letting Mom listen to the radio was stupid and found something else to get into so I would have to stop what I was doing and yell at them. I wondered if my blood type called for french fries and blue cheese dressing from Ricatonis. 

It MIGHT.  YOU don't know. 

Lily is being quiet. This could mean a few things:

• She has reached into the fridge and gotten the chocolate syrup out, and is making a chocolate pie on the white couch. 
  

• She has realized that she can pull out all the stuffing from the computer chair upstairs and no one is stopping her. 
  

• She can  rummage in the garbage and find leftover ravioli bits to suck on. 
  

• Toilet water tastes pretty good when coming from her princess cup. 
  

• She has found something to be quiet with. 
  

• Has fallen asleep.
  

• She is watching cartoons because Curious George is on, and ironically, he is her favorite cartoon Character. 
  

I better go check it out. 

Conversations : Anne and Madeline.

Last Friday, I was feeling very emotional. I was contemplating God , His omnipotent Grace and Love. A little girl was being born that day, but was sure to be born stillborn. It brought so many feelings of hope, doubt, faith, love and confusion. The little girls name was Elizabeth Ann, and she was born at Helen Keller Hospital. The same place where my Anne Elizabeth was born 7 years ago. I couldn't help but think about this couple, and how lucky I am to have this beautiful girl, so healthy and wonderful. I wondered, why God allows this to happen, but also understanding His graciousness and blessings. It rained all day that day, on and off. Every time I looked away from something, it seemed like I would burst into tears. "Hello Bank Teller!! Have a wonderful weekend!!" Then as I pulled away from the bank, my face would collapse into sobs again.  I was mimicking the clouds. It would rain for five minutes, then clear up and be sunny, and back and forth. 

Madeline was really watching the sky that day, mainly because it is the first Thunderstorm of the year, and really the first Thunderstorm we have had in a long time. I love thunderstorms so much, and I am figuring that maybe Madeline will follow in my footsteps by marveling in natures emotions. 

Madeline and Anne were sitting at the dinner table and we were talking. Madeline said "I think Jesus is crying. I think He makes the thunder. Jesus lives in the CLOUDS!!"

Anne: "No He doesn't!!"

Me: "Yes he does!! If he can live in our hearts, he can live anywhere. "

Madeline: "Jesus lives in our BODIES." (rubs hands from her neck down her tummy)

Anne: "Jesus is even in this room!!"

Madeline: (looks up and waves) "HIIII JESUS!!!"

Madeline and Anne erupt in laughter, filling the kitchen with little girl giggles. 

Madeline: "I LOVE Jesus. I love him so much, that when I see him, I'm gonna give him kisses and hugs! I'm gonna kiss him to death!!     

But.... I'll be dead. "

Then I erupt in laughter.  That kid. She is pretty smart, but a different kind of smart than Anne. She seems to understand things that Anne doesn't. I've noticed several times when Madeline has understood something waaay before Anne did. 

Today is Madeline's birthday!! She is 5 and believes that she is almost a teenager. SO BIG.  I remember when she was born. The daffodils were blooming and the cherry trees than lined the hospital grounds were blossoming with beautiful pink blooms. She was born underwater, and it was the most beautiful and easiest birth I had. I felt so blessed to add another sweet girl to my family. Tomorrow is Jacob's birthday, and I have no idea what we are going to do. 

Maybe I should ask Madeline.....

Conversations : Jacob and Lily.

Tonight, I made the girls go downstairs and pick up the 67 pieces of chalk that lay scattered on the floor. Yesterday I picked up Lily a little too quickly and my back has been out ever since. This means everyone else picks up their OWN messes and Mama is off the hook for a few days.  This also means Mama is going to take the advantage and find things for other people in this house to do.  Leading to a bit of guilt. I told the girls if they pick all the chalk, then I would give everyone some ice cream afterwards.  You should have seen how fast it all got picked up. 

Upstairs, the girls wanted to sing "Happy Birthday" to Madeline, because she will turn 5 on Wednesday, and this has caused quite a stir in our home. Just thinking of artificial sweeteners and spongy cake goodness causes them to shake with drooling anticipation. After singing to her TWICE... Once when the ice cream came on the table, a second time with a candle "with fire on it" in her ice cream, I walked away. Lily and her little butt got down from the table, and walked into the living room where Jacob and I were talking.  The sweet little grin and bouncy curls looked at us ... waiting.  She knew. 

Jacob: "LILY! Put that bowl back in the kitchen!"

Lily: "no." ::grinning::

Jacob: "yes!"

Lily: "no! "   :: smiling::

Jacob: "Do you want a spanking?"

Lily:  "no?   YES!!"

Jacob: "OOONE..... TWOOOO....."

Lily: "THREEEE!!" ::giggles and runs away::

This is why Jacob is going to have a much much harder time than me when they become teenagers. I will threaten them within an inch of their life. And then I will make them believe it.  

My Cousin, my Friend.

Jacob's Cousin Mark is visiting us from New Hampshire. He came down because he is seeking a life change, and is considering working with Jacob and his company for iPhone Apps. 

Interesting. 

Their mothers are sisters, and everyone pretty much looks like each other. I knew this the first time I saw pictures of Jacob's cousins at his Grandpa's house. They all have the same eyes. What I didn't know, was they have the same gestures, the same expressions, and they also talk the same. My husband has an incredible brain and sometimes when he talks to me, it's as if God built a robot out of man-parts and then put him on Earth to play tricks on all of us normal humans. God sits back on His Lazy-boy and laughs out loud at my facial expressions when Jacob says something that goes completely over my head.  

The other day, I asked Mark "what do you wanna to do today?"

And he responded " What are you capable of facilitating?"

Which completes my theory that somewhere down the line they are robots. 

Two Black Eyes and a Roundabout Kick to the face, please.

I wish I could reach into the internet and  beat the hell out of someone.  I really do.  As a God-fearing Christian, YES. I TOTALLY DO. Some people just need a good punch in the face.  And God knows this, and I think He would be okay with it. 

My sister has just gotten a dose of what Dooce gets most likely everyday, and  at first, I was thinking to myself "Oh, just like Heather Armstrong. " 

Instead of laughing about it and posting remarks making a valid point like Heather, my sister has been hurt by the words  "You are a bad mother" or "You are an idiot". I think she feels threatened enough that she is willing to take her ENTIRE blog down. This is tragic for me. 

1. I have gotten so much closer to my sister through reading her daily blogs. We connect like we haven't connected in the past. 

2. I feel angry that someone has hurt her in a way for her to even consider such an action. 

3. She is a WRITER.  This is her passion and her way of expressing herself through her art.  

I wished I lived closer to my sister.. To hug her, to let her cry on my shoulder, and to look her square in the eye and forcefully tell her to stand up for what is right and blog all she wants. 

Also.. you know, she didn't do anything wrong. AT ALL. But words hurt. Especially when it is about your kids. Maybe I am just more aggressive than her, but I would abuse them right back with a Fist of Words. 

Jerks.

Easter Weekend.

Easter Weekend wasn't so bad this year. It was actually kind of nice. There were no screaming matches, no food was thrown ,  no vomit, no goose eggs on foreheads.

First, I went to my Mothers side of the family and had lunch with corresponding Egg Hunt.  Then I went  to my Dad's, where we had church, lunch and corresponding Egg Hunt. 

This is my Dad's last year to be preaching during Easter. This June he will retire from the Clergy. THANKYOUGOD. For once, I would like to not have to travel all the way down to Deliverance country and perhaps go to my very own church for Easter Sunday.  I think the church will really miss him.  He has been there for about 12-13 years now, and he has traveled an hour there every Sunday and back again for that long.  His gas bill, and his car, will thank him come June.  

My step mother put  yellow roses she cut from her garden in our room where we stayed, and that made a difference to me. I love yellow roses. She probably didn't know that, but it made me happy to see them and it was sweet.  

Here, I like to joke that my Dad is saying "Lord, what am I going to do with these granddaughters of mine??" They are quite the handful. 

Madeline, standing outside of my Dad's church, being all cute and sweet as usual. 

She reminds me so much of myself when I was her age. 

Here, Lily shows her Aunt Beth this flower she picked and how it is more special than any other flower in the whole wide world and can I ride home with you, please??

When I was Lily's age, I sucked my fingers the exact same way she does, only it was with my other hand. My Step-mother made these dresses for the girls. 

Lily is upset with me that I am trying to take her picture, and clings to big sister Anne for help. Anne loves Lily and loves to show affection to her little sister. She just hugs her back. 

That was pretty much my Easter. It was nice, but I am so glad to be back home and be in Florence. There is no other place like it for us. We've visited all over the country, but Florence holds special meaning for us and we wouldn't trade it for anything else.  Now, if you have a bungalow down in the Caribbean and there are sandy white beaches and twizzlers to drink our coconut drinks out of, and palm trees and all of our friends can come, then I might think about living there for half of the year.

I realize that I am not having any more children, and with that, the sadness comes that I will never again hold a little newborn that is my own. I am not letting Lily's youth slip away from my memory like I did with my other two girls.  I remember being so tired and just wishing they could hurry up and learn to eat by themselves, to tie their own shoes, to go potty by themselves, and put themselves to sleep.  With Lily my reality is solidified by the fact she is the youngest. It all comes into focus. It becomes important. 

So the other morning while I was getting my coffee, I looked over and saw her sitting there, quietly, eating her breakfast cereal, by herself.  I smiled and watched her, so big, not needing me for anything.  I grabbed my camera which just happened to be on the counter and  took a few pictures of her. One day I will look back and miss these days.

Splashing in the puddles.

The other day, 

When it was still warm Spring weather,

it rained.

I took the advantage,

I let go of the fear. 

I took my girls outside

to jump in the Springtime puddles.

The warm rain had left a small puddle in our driveway

where the nutrients and rich soil

drift in the tiny river 

covering the small delicate feet of my children.

Children don't understand the complexities of Motherhood.

The dark black footprints left on my white carpet,

The wet hands clinging to my cotton shirt,

tugging at me because they are barefoot.

They watch as the snails creep by. 

They too, are enjoying the wetness and smell of a fresh rain.

Splashing and jumping,

Splashing and jumping,

The girls become mud monsters,

Attacking me with their muddy hands and feet.

I lean against a brick wall and watch them.

I am filing this memory in a special place. 

Watching the clouds roll in, another rain storm is coming,

our time is short. 

I sigh and take more pictures,

because soon they will be all grown up,

and just like me, they will keep their shoes on, 

and lean back, 

and take pictures themselves.

Just go ahead and stick a dagger in my heart.

Jacob got to Chicago! They made it up there pretty fast, actually.. I was impressed.  He had told me that they were in "wicked heavy traffic" and that the city was busy and beautiful. He sent me a picture of the Sears Tower. I talked to him when he got to his hotel and chatted for a while, although, they were pretty exhausted from driving for 10 hours. 

A little later, I called him and he blurted "I CAN'T TALK. I'M DRIVING. I'M TRYING TO FIND HEATHER ARMSTRONG."  I hung up the phone and got really excited, mainly because I LOVE her and would die if I got to be in the same room with her. So witty and brilliant, that lady. 

He called me a while later and I eagerly answered, thinking.... well.. thinking so many things. For instance.. Did he just tell her he "drove all the way from Alabama to Chicago and can you please say hello to my wife who is in love with you?" Instead I heard a defeated "Hey, Honey." Which meant bad things that would later come back to haunt me. He said yes, they did find the bookstore. Yes, she is still here signing books. They are all sold out of books. THEY ARE ALL SOLD OUT OF BOOKS. THEY ARE ALL SOLD OUT OF BOOKS. For REALz. I heard all this chatter and I felt all the mixed emotions of defeat and utter excitement. 

Me: "Well.. Can... you just tell her I said Hello and you drove all that way and I love her?"

Jacob : "no."

Me: " How does she look? Is she all tired and bloated and pregnant-looking??"

Jacob: "uh.. she's putting on a good face."

Me: "Can you just hold up your iPhone and take a PICTURE of her???"

Jacob: "No."

Me: "Well!!  Can you just .."

Jacob: "NO, LAURA. There is a room full of people. There is a long, long line to see her.  It's going to take her another hour just to sign all those people's books."

I felt so close.. yet so far away.  I actually did that little girl squeal when he called me from the hotel. It went something like this "eeeeeeeeeeI'msoexcitedyourinthesamecityasheeeerrrrr!!!".

It's the effort. That is why I love that man.