I realize that I am not having any more children, and with that, the sadness comes that I will never again hold a little newborn that is my own. I am not letting Lily's youth slip away from my memory like I did with my other two girls.  I remember being so tired and just wishing they could hurry up and learn to eat by themselves, to tie their own shoes, to go potty by themselves, and put themselves to sleep.  With Lily my reality is solidified by the fact she is the youngest. It all comes into focus. It becomes important. 

So the other morning while I was getting my coffee, I looked over and saw her sitting there, quietly, eating her breakfast cereal, by herself.  I smiled and watched her, so big, not needing me for anything.  I grabbed my camera which just happened to be on the counter and  took a few pictures of her. One day I will look back and miss these days.