Beans, Greens and Gay farm boys.

I have a new fascination with cable, one show in particular... The Fabulous Beekman Boys. This show makes me feel like Martha Stewart and Omnimedia productions decided to look at the life of a woman like me and make a show JUST for them! This television show makes me feel like someone can read my dreams and make shows from them. When I see Josh and Brent live on this beautiful farm in upstate New York, I can remember the smell of the New England grass when freshly cut, I remember the people and how they never wore make-up, I remember the farmers markets and the culture.

I want a miniature version here at my home. This summer we (and when I say "we", I mean "Jake") have been digging out a lily bed that is waaay overgrown in order to plant some rose bushes and hopefully purple coneflower with black-eyed susans. Lilies will be put in another bed closer to the pond.

We have 2 different kinds of muscadine grapes and a garden spot -(that did horrible this year. ) The grapes seem to have done well despite the rest of the garden, and the basil seems to thrive as well.

Earlier in the Spring we got a truckload of horse manure that must have still been too hot. We added some around the base of the grapes and added some through the dirt of the rest of the garden. Looks like it burned most everything, we added it to but the basil and grapes.

This summer was also a time to start making kombucha again, and it sparked my interest in making kimchi. Fermentation has always been around in our foods, even if we don't know it.. from yogurt to cheese, olives, beer or bread. I read an article about "countertop Culture" - planting, keeping and storing involving fermentation. This is incredibly interesting to me and I find that it is even more interesting than photography. I have started to wonder if I could possibly get a degree in culinary arts now, majoring in green/organic cooking. That seems -- hopeless to me in one sense, and in another sense I see a great need for that in the South.

The more we rely on Wal-Mart and Big Box stores for our fruits, vegetables and milk- the more out of touch we are with the local farmer and the produce that naturally grows in our area. There is so much to learn and we are just tapping into the surface here at our house- we started with kombucha, now we make our own bread, pasta, and shopping at the local farmstand and butcher. I feel better about what I feed my family and am learning that the most delicious dishes in my house involve meatless recipes.

For more information check out the Slow Food Movement and Meatless Mondays. Just choosing one meal a week to be meatless can save money, water, gas, your waistline, and never on taste!

Tootsie

I've never been one of those girls that cherished things of yonder days. I have always tried to live in the now, because I can't change the past, and I don't really want to think that I am anything like my parents or grandparents. I feel like I am a part of a new and exciting generation, one that has learned more than my ancestors could ever have imagined possible.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, my dear Grandmother passed away, and it forced me to think of things that I have pressed back behind me for fear it would teach me a lesson in my rebellious attitude.

It did.

I learned so much from my Grandmother, and without her taking to time and energy to spend quality time with me, I would not be the woman I am today.

She taught me how to cook. I watched as she would pour her cornbread batter into the hot skillet, making crackling noises and smelling delicious.

She canned fruit and vegetables and started my curiosity with making my own food. It started when I lived in Vermont, when I didn't know how to cook and tried to re-create her chicken stew. From there it blossomed into a passion of mine.

She fed this little three legged squirrel for the longest time. Until one day it just didn't come back. We probably fed it leftover cornbread or biscuits. I remember it being so fun.

She took me fishing. This by far was a very fond memory for me. She had a little boat with a trolly motor and she and I would scoot around on the Tennessee River together. I would dig all over for worms and she taught me how to bait my hook.

When my husband and I wanted to buy a home and settle down, we looked for a home off the beaten path, a home with a woodsy feel near water. I often thought of my Granparents home in Killen, where I had so many good memories with her. Now I listen to the birds that I remember hearing at her home because we settled in Florence, right beside Killen, in a woodsy home near water.

Driving around Florence, I remember the places we went together and the memories we made when I would visit with her in the summers.

Looking back, I have no regrets. I feel blessed that I was able to live and learn from her and her way of life. She will always hold a special place in my heart.

Here's to you, Tootsie! Cheers. I Love you.

Not SO FAST!!!

Last night we all went to the Mega grocery store, all three girls and Jacob. After we got our food items I wandered over to the clothing section to check out any deals there might be for the upcoming school year. This Fall, both Anne and Madeline will be going off to Big Girl School and only Lily will be home with me. Her preschool starts later and gets out earlier. I like that I will have this small amount of time just with her. My girls are growing up so fast, and honestly, I don't like it. I am disgusted with people when they say "Kids grow up so fast!". I just want to punch their face right through the computer. Yeah! That's what people do! GROW. When you feed them.

Now I find myself groaning with the thought of the girls going to the next grade, thinking about how they will daydream about boys, remembering how they were when they were Lily's age. The other day I walked down the hall and paused to find Lily in the bathroom, standing on a little chair, on her tippy toes, brushing her teeth all by herself. She could barely see herself in the mirror. That is when I realized how big she has gotten this summer. Sigh.

In the grocery store I bought Anne and Madeline some new underwear. That is when Madeline started whining about something she wanted. I looked over. Ohmygosh the bras. BRAS, people! I had my own money to spend and I thought I would indulge them and let them feel grown and important. So, I found the littlest tiniest little bras for little people and I bought 3 for 9$.

Madeline RUNS up to Jacob, SCREAMING "Dad I got a BRA! We got BRAS!!!" and then Anne chimes in and Lily is screaming and it is a little chorus of small children screaming about bras. Jacob looks at me, and says in the most exasperated tone "I don't want to know!".

Knowing this would probably give Jacob more gray hairs, I had the girls put on their bras when they got home and show them to Jacob. :)

Raisin' em right means: Making Mama a Hotdog.

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.. is that a correct quote? I'm not sure where it came from, but sometimes it can be flattery, enlightening, or just plain mean. Today, I woke up in a rare good mood, (not being a morning person by nature..) so I decided to be just plain mean to Jacob. :)

I followed him around the house mimicking everything he did.. it was as if I had turned into a ten year old, the opposite of Tom Hanks in BIG.

Jacob: "What are you going to do today?"

Me: " What are YOU going to do today?"

Jacob: " I'm going to be moving files ."

Me: "well, I'M going to be moving piles. of laundry. "

He puts on his deodorant, I do it. He brushes his teeth, so do I. I just followed him around and did everything he did - at the time he did it - just to see what he would do.

At first he was all : heystopitthat'snotcoolLaura but in the end I think he liked the attention.

After he went to work I went to work in the kitchen doing the dishes, making my children hotdogs at 9:30, sweeping, prepping a chicken for dinner.. WHY YES I am making hot dogs at 9:30 am.. because Mama wanted a hotdog for breakfast. I think I am going to start a tumblr account and name it "HotDogs For Breakfast", because lets face it America. This is who we are.

So I'm in there and I hear the girls in the living room playing with each other and they are pretending to be Mama and Baby.

I love hearing this because: A.) They never ever play together unless they are trying to kill each other. and B.) Madeline was me. She was.. pretending to be me, and saying things she thought I would say. The mimicking was now all about me and I must say it is not always cool to hear your 6 year old yell at your 3 year old. Madeline screamed

"Where is your sister? WHERE IS SHE!!??"

I sort of laughed and cringed on the inside. So I really sound like that? When do I ever yell tha..... OHHHHH YEAH. Sometimes Lily will escape and try to go outside and that is a big NO NO in my house. You can't just go outside by YOURSELF! What if one of those gross turkey buzzards that fly around comes over and picks up my baby and scoops her away to the Dump?-- or worse--- a tick gets on you.

EEEEEEEEWWWWWWW.

I just heard Lily say "Mama I'm huuuungry. " Madeline went through the motions of trying to get her something to eat. Finally I heard Madeline reply.. "(sigh) I'll get you some water. "

I think I am going to go in there and reward her with another hotdog.

Sleeping better!!!

Hooray for Melatonin! I've used it before but never really thought it was helping much. Now it seems to work every time! I've suffered with insomnia since I was a young child and I find melatonin to be a safe, natural and inexpensive trick.

School is almost out for everyone.. Madeline and Lily stay home with me now and we are just waiting for Anne's final days to be over with. Having a schedule where children are gone certain days and at certain times and working around those times-seems to fall in step as we march through the year. This is the part of the year when all the marching in step sees a stop sign up ahead and you are getting ready to halt the whole platoon. It can be frustrating getting things wrapped up, but I always looked forward to having my babies at home with me all summer. We have all sorts of things planned to make our summer fun.. and cheap. The local Library has something prepared for every day of the week. We will definitely be attending Yummy Stories on Saturdays and we might try out Smart Arts and the Science / Deep Sea days. Plus, BF Jaimee works there and we always want to see her face and hug her neck. The children's librarian, Jessica and Mr. Chris, are the best. They are always enthusiastic and loving and kind. (and FUN!!!)

Once day I decided to take the girls to a little sandy cove off the Tennessee River at MacFarland Park. I didn't tell them where we were going, only that it was a surprise. They know refer to the sandy spot as "surprise beach". Although a little smelly at times (fishy), we see majestic herons, paddle wheel boats floating by, watch locals fishing, and the girls are getting a great experience of growing up at the river the way I did when I visited my Grandmother here as a young girl.

The Splash Pad here is where we spent most of our summer last year. I brought the chairs, some capri suns, and just chilled for a couple of hours. It was the best find in this area for fun, free things to do with children during the summer.

Today, Jacob and I went out to our garden and worked before he headed to the office. I dug up the bed of half-grown wilted spinach and after getting most of the ground weeded, I planted some sunflower seeds. I weeded to tomatoes and peas, the herbs (basils, dill) and cucumbers. I was so pleased to notice all the beautiful fat earthworms digging around where I was weeding. At one point I reached my hands into the soil only to scream as I pulled out a blue skink who was indeed one of the largest I have seen. He was startled too and ran for the nearest log to hide under.

Afterwards I got ready to go for a ride in the country with Betsy Ranier to Goose Pond Farms. They are an organic free-range and environmentally-conscious farm that sell beef, chickens and lamb. Betsy had ordered some chickens and went to pick them up -and I thought I would tag along since I am interested in buying things locally and that are good for my family. Betsy said that since the chickens are free to eat a diet that is open and free they have a higher content of Omega Fatty Acids.

She ended up giving me two that had been in her freezer and I am excited to cook them with fresh rosemary, mushrooms and lemons.

I leave you with some pics of the nice sandy spot we visited on Mothers Day.. the surprise beach.

I haven't really slept in two nights.. I'm not sure why, but I have a feeling it has to do with stress.

This means I have an excuse to be short tempered and frustrated and completely look off into space with glazed-over eyes when you talk to me about something I don't care about. That happens a lot. I realize someone is really trying to talk to me about something that happened to them, or they feel a certain way about _______, and I think -- "oh my. I have not been listening. what have they been talking about? Have they asked me questions? I haven't heard any lapses in speech. " Than I start nodding my head in agreement and say .. "Isn't that just life for ya? GOD! "

Maybe I am just getting older, 0r maybe I just need way more sleep.

When Sleep does come, I have Stanley Kubrick dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was having another baby. I had planned on having this baby in a bath tub of an upstairs room that was completely unfinished. I think you could actually see the stars from the tub just by looking upwards. The day came when I started having minor labor pains, and when I sat down to use the bathroom, the baby came out. It was small and wrapped in .. uh.. organs? Wet, red ,.... flesh.

I unwrapped it to see what it was. At first, I thought it was a boy and thought.. FINALLY.. A BOY! but then I realized it was a girl and then thought.. oh my god I have FOUR GIRLS.

She was feisty and alive and chatty. That's right.. chatty. She knew a few words and could say MAMA. I also noticed she had teeth. Like, all of her top teeth. I just gasped and thought how horrible breast feeding would be.

These are my dreams, people.

When I woke up, I realized how sad I was that we aren't having any more children. Jacob was completely done with children after Madeline, but I begged and pleaded to please let me have another. So After Lily was born, he went to the hospital and got him self all fixed up. The conversation went something like this...

Me: " Hey, honey? Let's just go. We haven't paid yet, and we can just leave now and go home. "

Jacob: " No way. We are staying and I am getting this done. "

Me: "whine."

I think I am still mourning this decision. I still secretly wish that I could somehow get pregnant even though he is done. I have heard that it can happen, but seriously doubt it will. Jacob has made valid arguments that my back would not be able to handle another pregnancy, and he is probably right. Even without a job and without being pregnant, I hurt probably every three months. Right now is one of those times.

I picked up Madeline at church on Sunday and I think that was probably the worst decision of the month of May. Not only am I getting ready for Madeline's Magic birthday this Saturday, but it is also Jacob's birthday, and the end of school for the kids, graduation, Spring Art and Dance show, and my back is out. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CLEAN EVERYTHING so I won't be secretly judged by mothers on Saturday?

I need a maid.

Conversations : Laura and Jacob.

Tonight was just one of those nights. We had gotten the girls in bed, all tucked in watching a movie. We had a few minutes alone and of course, as usual, I am trying my BEST to get things done before bed. It is the only time I have where my energy is up and the children are not bothering me. I had gotten a tip to replace my regular dishwashing detergent with Borax powder and part Baking Soda. Still as poisonous as before, but better for the environment. I was sold. We were unloading the dishwasher, and were trying to determine if the dishes were as clean as they usually are. Note: My dishwasher sucks A$$ and I am trying to get them clean with the time that I have to still spank my children and till the earth.

That is when Jacob asked : "so.. what is on the agenda for tomorrow?"

I replied-" shootin' some B' ball outside of the school.

when a couple of guys, who were up to no good, started makin' trouble in my neighborhood. I started one little fight and my mom got scared and said 'you moving with your Auntie and your Uncle in Bel Air.' I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said Fresh and it had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "nah, forget it, YO HOME TO BEL AIR!!" I . Pulled. Up to a house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie Yo holmes, smell ya later! I looked at kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the Prince of Bel Air. "

At this point , Jacob just shakes his head at me. I said "you don't even know what I'm talking about you HOMESCHOOLER!!!!!" and he said "YES I DO THE PRINCEOFBELAIR!!! "

HAHAHAHHAA.

I feel sorry for Jacob. I mean. I really taunt him. I make his life miserable sometimes with my silly, sleep deprived antics. I tell myself he loves it and that he needs the spice in me to make his life complete. Right?!

Yesh. He loves it.

Conversations : Anne and Jacob

Conversation I just heard:

::Jacob changing channels::

Anne: "NONONO, Daddy! "

Jacob: "You don't want to watch the news, do you?"

"YES! I've been watching the news for DAYS. I love CNN. Do you know what I have been watching? "

"What?"

"I've been watching ALLL about Haiti. "

"Well. Alright. I guess. Do you know who those men are? They are the past Presidents. "

"What are their names?"

"Bush and Clinton. "

"I KNOW who Clinton is. "

"But he was President before you were born. "

"Well.. I KNOW who he is. "

"Okay. Well, Clinton was the President Before you were born. And Bush was President when you were born. "

"DAAAAD. There where TWO Bush's . I know. ::frustrated sigh:: I know because we sing a song at school about it. "

"You do?"

"Yeah. And they don't sing about Obama or the last Bush, but I know who there were two. And there were two Roosevelt's, too. "

"Who was the First President?"

"Washington"

"RIGHT! My family is related to a President. My Mother was a Taft. We are related to the Taft family. "

And then it just sort of drifted off. Mainly because Madeline came in my room and then shut the door, so most of what I heard were the elevated excited things spoken. I just heard "DAD! President Bush went to Haiti!!" And then I giggled at how I don't like Bush and how "going to Haiti" means "going to Hell".

Then I guess Anne got tired of watching the Presidents speak about aid in Haiti, because now they are watching Jonah and the Whale.. the Veggie-tale video.

Most of what I will be doing today is trying to finish some knitting and crocheting, because once again, I am on my back, taking pills and trying to relax. I hate hate hate hate taking medicine. REALLY HATE IT. I have 2 bottles of pills that I keep very safe, and if I ever need them, really need them, I will still waver back and forth on the pros and cons of taking the medication. Even today as I got up, did my stretches and did some things around the house, I felt pretty good. Then the pain started. If I lay flat down, it feels alright. If I sit up or stand, even for a short period of time, I start have sharp and extremely painful shooting pains in my back, hips, and legs. There is a nerve being pinched by a bulging disk, and if I relax and not aggravate it, it will eventually slide back into place (the disk) . If I continue to aggravate it, it will get worse, and likely burst, spilling the little bit of moisture it has left out, and causing more pain than I need. I eventually gave in and asked for medicine. Jacob wanted to give me a pill, then coaxed me with "half a pill?" I finally agreed to just take some ibuprofen. It never really works, but I like trying that first. So.. I might blog some more. Or knit you something. Who knows!!!