Be Careful Little Ears, What you hear.

There are times in my life, where I have had an epiphany, an eye opening, an awakening to how things are or have been in my life. These moments of clarity to life's mysteries always leave me to be more of a grown woman, a little bit better of a wife, or mother. I never write about them, but keep them hidden in my heart so I will remember them and keep them close to me.

A moment like this happened to me recently and more than anything I was ashamed at how I had been acting around my children. Sometimes, children will say cuss words or make some action that is just like their parents. When the parents ask "where did you hear that word??!" Of course, the parents are immediately ashamed when they realize it was out of their very own mouths that the sweet innocent children heard those words. Sometimes over, and over, and over again.

It happened when we went on vacation recently, to Orange Beach, Alabama. It is my favoritestestest place to go. We have been there before, but actually, it is the first time I have ever really felt like I was on vacation. That is sad to say... but honestly, I don't get to go on vacation with people who let me be myself. This time, is was wonderful .. I was with my husband, my children, my mother, and our roommate Aaron. Aaron is Benstedman's brother. We claim them all as family (see Stedman/Senecal Thanksgiving), and when the opportunity came for Aaron to live with us in January, of course we wanted him here. I hope he never leaves. He is perfect with the girls (when we get to see him) and loves to play and be a perfect gentleman in my home and be considerate and kind and forgiving. It is wonderful .

So.. we are on vacation. This means we are in a place that has cable. Jacob took away my cable (I say MY cable for many reasons JonStewart) when we needed to save some money. He got a Tivo in its place and it is the best thing Jacob has ever bought, besides my wedding ring. We watched everything on vacation that we don't get to watch at home.... including the stupid stuff. On one channel, a woman is crying tears of joy... because she is hunting in the woods with her pubescent son, and they are waiting on this one buck who is oblivious to their little hideout. They waited patiently for three days for these deer to wander over to this field.. and they take their shot and she gets her buck. Normally we would never watch this, but by gosh we are on VACATION. While I am standing there, thinking.. ::poor deer. Poor kid!:: Madeline saunters over to the TV and yells " a deer! A DEEER!!! " and starts barking. At the TV screen. Loud. "bark! bark! Bark! bark!"

This is when my moment of realizing that every time I go over to the window or door to scare the deer out of my yard, and bark at them, my children see it. They are just mimicking me. And honestly, I look pretty stupid. I have decided to not bark at the deer anymore. I will just watch them from my windows... glaring at them until they run away.

I am going to be more careful about lots of things. :)

Seasons. They are a Changing.

I realize the last two posts were contradicting of each other, one was a "Wow" and one was a "Pow". In the College group that I am somehow (a God thing) a part of... they do this thing called PowWow. When they asked me to be a part of this group, and help out, I was flattered and jumped at the chance to hang out with the College group at church. Are you kidding me?? Man, an hour (or two, or three!!) without children and be around people who get to sleep and read books and listen to music.. probably music that I like? HELL YES.

So I joined. But then I realized I had sort of bit off more than I can chew. Dealing with a 2 year old like Lily... a job, a husband, a house to clean and those pesky Stedmans to deal with... (kidding BEN! pleasedon'thurtme) and I have two other children too.

So anyway.. they do these icebreakers, and I was already so nervous to even be there, and didn't know anyone, and then they do the POWWOW thing, and I thought I was going to pee in my pants right then and there. But you give a "pow", which is a negative thing that happened this week.. then a "wow" which is a positive thing. I think you understand. If you don't, you shouldn't be reading my blog, you idiot. But I am normally a nervous person, so speaking in front of others in painful to watch.

I started reading the book that went along with the class.. and I am surprised at myself. This book, called SEVEN, by Jeff Cook, has really ministered to me. What a blessing this class has been. (the wow) I feel like God has completely orchestrated the whole thing. It goes over the Bible's "Seven Deadly Sins" and let me tell you.. WOW. This book is amazing. I would encourage it a read for everyone.

So everything has been lacking lately. My proficiency as a wife an mother and house-keeper is all shot to hell. I just can't get everything done. So my expectancy in myself is going down. If I keep high expectations on myself I will just drive me and everyone around me crazy.

My house will be messy. I will forget homework. I might forget to brush my childs hair in the morning. I might be wearing mis-matched socks or need a drink at 3 in the afternoon. But this is the season I am in. And if your expectations of me are higher than this... I will go ahead and tell you that I will let you down. Cause I can't do much better than this.

Little known fact: I LOVE DAVID BOWIE. The Thin White Duke is a little dream of mine. Yes my husband knows. No, I do not rub it in his face. nom nom nom, Bowie.

Little Girl/For Sale/ Going CHEAP.

I will not hurt my kids. I will not hurt my kids. I will not yell at them. I will not yell. I will not scrunch up my face and glare at them. I will not slam my door. I will not stomp off and cry.

Lately Lily and Madeline have been a handful .. no.. a SHOVEL full. A Tractor trailer full. They are amazingly bad. But I refuse to say that Lily is in her "Terrible Twos". I've always tried to be more positive and say the Wonderful Ones, the Terrific Twos, the Thunderous Threes, the Fabulous Fours, Fantastic Fives, and so on. Anne really loves it when I am this positive, but lately it has been hard to be so positive. From pulling up a chair to get magic markers on the counter, or dumping lasagna noodles on the kitchen floor, or whatever... Lily is into everything all the time.

This morning, I had to go to a meeting. I had pictures on the dining room table sorted out from our New England vacation to give to different grandparents. There must have been seven different piles for friends and siblings. When I returned, Jacob was in the kitchen doing dishes and Lily had dumped all the pictures I had sorted out onto the floor. Then she took the salt and pepper shakers and dumped it all over the table. People.. This is ONE thing that she did today. Can I mention the pooping in her panties, unraveling my yarn, painting her nails with fingernail polish, getting handfuls of pringles from the kitchen, opening all the umbrellas and placing them in rooms, still open...

It is 2:40 in the afternoon. That is it. There is still so many hours left in the day to do mischief. So. Many. More. Hours.

I feel like I have been the disciplinarian in our home from the beginning. Jacob is very very patient and very calm and often does not hear what the kids are yelling at each other. Often I will be the one to break up fights or turn the water off or stop the banging. It just doesn't register with him, probably because he was the oldest of so many children in his family and quickly learned how to mentally tune noise out. He goes into his little world and I am left with three screaming children and a mound of Barbie heads.

So.. what do I do? I can't really get Jacob out of his world easily and I cannot keep Lily on a leash. Well, I could, but then all my friends would call me a 'child abuser'. I refuse that sort of ridicule so instead I am struggling to keep my dishes intact. Any time there is a quiet spell, I am immediately tuned into finding Lily. This morning, I found her in our bathroom rummaging through our drawers. She then went into the hallway and marked on the walls. Even though she gets into trouble, she keeps repeating the same acts of disobedience. Sometimes she gets spanked, but I try to just either sit her in time out or tell her "NO! That is NOT the right thing to do." She seems to understand that and will say "okaaay. I sorrrry!"

Maybe she is not getting enough interactive play, whatever it is, I have got to figure it out soon so I will not run away and join Barnum and Bailey Circus. I think there is less face paint and jumping through hoops with them.

You've Got To Admit, It's Getting Better.

Lately lots of things have been changing around here. Sometimes Jacob and I will ride through town and notice all the new businesses that have moved into the old buildings. Recently, we have noticed that Seven Points in Florence has had new life moving through it's streets. What used to be an old warehouse of a building is now Rice Box, a thriving and popular place to eat Sushi. Then an abandoned old eatery is now Sweet Magnolia Cafe. They are always busy in the afternoon dishing out their portobello and goat cheese paninis.

I'm really glad that when we moved back there was so much improvement to Florence. Deibert Park is always a favorite, the Splash Pad down at the River, the new Florence Library, and Aroma's became Rivertown Coffee.

The newest and possibly the most exciting changes have happened just recently. I discovered a butcher in Central, which is actually about 8 miles away, has organic beef and lamb. We were grocery shopping last Saturday and I just could not bring myself to buy a roast from the grocery store. I actually sort of whined about it (sorry Jake), but looking back, am so glad I did. We looked it up on the iPhone (shameless plug) and easily found it. We got lamb chops, a leg of lamb, hamburger meat, a huge roast, and even some chicken. We froze most of it, as we just don't eat meat very much. I get so excited about food. It is the way to my heart. Forget the flowers and chocolate and movie dates. Bring me some Rosie's guacamole or home made mushroom soup and I am yours.

Then, this past Sunday, a friend told me about the Honest To Goodness Dairy located a few towns away was actually selling their organic milk at a Florence grocery store. So today, after picking up Madeline from school, I drove over there and checked it out. Their milk was cheaper than everyone else's milk. $1.69 a GALLON!! I've never seen those prices.. especially with organic milk. I was thrilled!!

I feel so much better when I am giving my children something that benefits their growing bodies, instead of just giving them something to give them something.

Florence is definitely making great strides, and I am so glad I live here.