Bring out the Big Coats.

This past week has marked a sad and depressing time for me.. 

a time that hits every year. This year I felt it more than usual, though. The trees here in North Alabama are usually dull in comparison to Vermont foliage, but this year I was struck by how beautiful they all were. 

It was as if my backyard was aflame in striking yellows and burnt oranges. We have a few sugar maples and one in particular is always a beautiful bright yellow behind our koi pond.  My husband Jacob took the time this summer to cut down trees around the maples so they would have more space. "More breathing room" he would say. 

But then it happened. After the leaves fell and the rain ended, I noticed those all-too-familiar spots that I would see in the woods behind my house. They were dull grey spots that I saw last year, IN WINTER. I couldn't see them before, but yes, now ... I could. They are depressing. 

Usually, the trees are so full that I can't see the ridge behind my house. I live on the edge of a State Park that extends to the Cypress Creek and back behind the University of North Alabama.  There is a dry creek bed that you can almost see when all the trees have lost their leaves and you can see the fall and rise of the earth on either side. 

I am getting ready for the winter. We have some firewood, brightly colored walls, and sweaters. :) It's not like we are going to be stuck inside all winter like we were in Vermont, but still.. I really really REALLY like being outside, preferably in the warm breeze.

I keep telling myself that the good thing about winter is NO TICKS. I could literally go outside and roll around in the leaves and not get a tick on me. 

Last summer, you could walk ,.... no.. RUN to your car, jump in, and still find a tick on you. 

So, I am embracing the coming winter with my big ten dollar coat I got on sale at Old Navy.

Bring it, Winter!

Pain.

I've been having a weird week. After making dinner for church on Wednesday night last week, I stressed out my back and Thursday morning, it just... went out. So I spent the weekend in bed, and on pain medication. I feel so much better now!! And While I was bored to death in bed, I started blogging, so I guess something good came out of it. Now here it is Wednesday again. I've already made most of the food that I am serving tonight at church... Lasagna, Salad and bread. I have even taken most of it up to the church. I just have one more pan of lasagna to make....

 Today Jacob and I went up to the church because Madeline and Lily had their Thanksgiving Feast they have at preschool every year. It was in the auditorium, (or Family Life Center..)  and they all danced and sang for us. It was really cute!! Madeline's class got up to dance this little dance with ribbons that they twirl around.. and Lily jumped up, ran from her teacher and twirled around with Madeline and her class. It was hilarious!

Afterwards they sang a little prayer and we ate. I was struggling to get Madeline to hold her plate while I got Jacob's plate and my plate.. Lily was screaming and wiggling..  My pastor came over and said "Hey Laura.. how are you feeling?" And I said "I'M ABOUT TO STAB MY KID WITH THIS FORK!" And then when all the other parents whirled around to see what horrible parent said this, my pastor laughed and laughed out loud.  It made me happy that he understood my frustration and that he knew I wasn't going to stab my child. : ) So he took Madeline's plate and helped out.  Hahahaha. 

Jacob had to leave after a while and went to work. About five minutes later, Lily started to FREAK OUT and wander around the auditorium, crying for her Daddy.  "dadaaaaaaddyyyyyy!!!! daaaaaaadyyyyyyy!! " Once again, all the parents look at me as I struggle to catch up with her and pick her up..ugh.

Finally, I am home, where I will once more, lay down, and blog. 

The End .

Harassment

Harassment is a beautiful art form that is only accomplished by few. To harass another person, you must learn a few simple rules:

• They must know that you are harassing out of love.
• They must be friends. 
• They need to know that harassing them back only means more harassment from you.
• It never ends.
• Brandice is Queen Harasser and there is no stopping her. 
  

Today as I was chatting with my sister-in-law, which I do daily, I was reminded about something that I have not really seen in many circles of friends. My circle of friends know it all too well. Harassment can be seen or heard on a daily basis around us. It usually entails something such as "Come over to my house and hang out with us or I won't give your painting back." or calling them names, like "Ginger" over and over.   This is better done if your friend has red or auburn hair and has been teased about it before. You can add Ginger into your sentences, like .. "That's gingerific" or "He suffers from Gingeritis" or "Gingers are GRUMPY!". 

You get the point. 

Here are some ways that you, too, can harass your friends out of love. 

• Go to their personal space and move stuff around, whether it be their home office, their cubicle at work, their car or truck, or bedroom. 
• If possible, get access to their car or truck and turn the radio channel to country music or something else horrendous. 
• Also, turn windshield wipers on, pull the seat way up or way back, and make the air conditioner come on full blast.
• You can take large items from their area, leaving a personal note that says "come over and you can get it back". This usually takes the regular computer nerd longer than usual to figure out what is missing, since they are indeed mad geniuses and have very filthy desk/personal space  areas. 
• Send them postal mail unsigned, but with personal insights that only their close friends would know. (i.e. "Hows those hemorrhoids??")
• Blog about them. 
• Take old glamour shots of them and splatter them on the interwebs. 
• Take old pictures of your friends from 3rd grade and make a wall display. Hang it somewhere where everyone knows them and will see it upon entering a room. 
• Call them up and pretend you are not yourself but someone else, and make strange demands. Make a funny name up, like.. Brenda.
• Take a snapshot of them using the bathroom and use it against them so they will come over and eat pizza.
• Go to their house and put a bunch of fake spiders in their bed, which you got from Target when all the Halloween stuff went on sale. 
• Take all the cereal out of their box of Wheaties and fill it with acorns or something you can find around the yard for cheap.  Leave a note. 
• Make a missing persons ad and stick it on the carton of milk they use every day. See how long it takes them to notice they are missing. Put hilarious stats on the missing persons poster, like.. answers to "ginger".. only has one testicle... usually keeps his iphone glued to his face..

Now, some of you may think that it is manipulation or control, but I tell you this,  IT IS NOT. Why.. because they do it to you. And it goes round and round, and it is fun.  Never do something that you think the other person would get truly mad about.  This defeats the whole purpose of friendly banter and harassment. If you do something to them, make sure it is something you wouldn't mind doing to yourself. 

We have a friend named Kyle, and he is like... 12.    He is always coming over and making party fouls. Brandice and I have decided to buy him some sippy cups and write his name on it, so when he comes over he won't spill what ever he is drinking all over our beautiful carpets.

That is a little form of harassment. Mainly because 1. it is useful, 2. He will laugh about it, and 3. Everyone else will too.  :)

I hope you learned a valuable lesson today in Harassment 101.  One last lesson to grow on... Harass someone first before they can do it to you. 

Fall is coming to an END. 

We started a fire in the fireplace last night. 

We woke up to a cold house. 

Jacob started the fire back up.

No he's gone. 

I'm all alone in the house. 

The girls left the T.V. on in their room. 

I am still on my back. 

Today it hurts to sit up.

I feel pain ripping down my leg, as I lay here. 

Waiting for the meds to kick in. 

cold, quiet, house. 

 Eventually I will have to get up..

to stoke the fire,

to eat, 

to turn off that T.V. 

Mondays.

Tonight BenStedman walked in my door. 

All I heard was little girls screams and wails. 

I felt like I was listening to a very small 1967 Beatles concert. 

Deafening. 

"sigh" for mothers of little girls. 

 

Starting Out

I've been told that I should start Blogging. Should I, now?? Really? And infect the entire web-world with my redundancies and idiocracies ??

Well, HERE I AM WEB WORLD!!! Get ready for an late night, pain filled, alcohol driven, blood sweat tears blog!  Not really, but I like to build you up for what is to come, that way, when you get something kind of stupid for four weeks straight, and then you get something good, you will remember my first post.  "That's what she meant."

I normally have so much going on inside my brain, but am unable to really talk -it- out.  So perhaps this will help me, TALK. IT. OUT.

I have three small children. And that will be all. Sometimes I dream that one day God himself will come down and tell me that magically I have been sperminated and I will have another baby.. but. Jacob has other plans. 

Jacob is my husband. 

And he is the boss. 

Of my uterus. 

He is the oldest of twelve children from Vermont, and he is tired of babies. I really don't blame him but my own selfishness wishes I could have just one MORE. Like drugs, babies make you feel happy and delusional. I want more. I am slowly getting to UNDERSTAND him. we have been married for almost 8 years.  My Aunt Nadine was the oldest of 11 children, and she never had children. Her excuse was that she had already raised 10 children and she didn't want to raise any more. So I get it, and I guess that is what Jacob is feeling too. 

Alas!!

So anyhoo. get ready all you strangers and family-folk.