Someone make it stop.

Have you ever been in the other room, washing dishes or folding clothes or whatever, and heard a screeching car bomb go off in your living room? YEah. I have. It happened when Lily and the other girls wanted to watch this Nickelodeon Movie on Netflix featuring a pubescent boy named FRED. Fred, is, for lack of a better word- completely annoying and horrible. I hear him and sometimes I go off in a day dream of how I want to set him on fire with a flame thrower. And then walk away and be done with him forever.

But Lily LOOOOVVES FRED. Loves him like she has never loved anything in her whole entire four-year-old life. Fred's love interest in the movie is Judy, and he is so doe eyed for her. Every song Fred sings about her and how to win her love and attention. Which in turn, means Lily and her little four-year-old voice sings partial songs about love for a girl named Judy.

There have been many a time when I have been at the grocery store, or library, or for Pete's sake, the church- and Lily has belted out a tune about Judy.

::sigh::

Conversations : Anne and Jacob

Conversation I just heard:

::Jacob changing channels::

Anne: "NONONO, Daddy! "

Jacob: "You don't want to watch the news, do you?"

"YES! I've been watching the news for DAYS. I love CNN. Do you know what I have been watching? "

"What?"

"I've been watching ALLL about Haiti. "

"Well. Alright. I guess. Do you know who those men are? They are the past Presidents. "

"What are their names?"

"Bush and Clinton. "

"I KNOW who Clinton is. "

"But he was President before you were born. "

"Well.. I KNOW who he is. "

"Okay. Well, Clinton was the President Before you were born. And Bush was President when you were born. "

"DAAAAD. There where TWO Bush's . I know. ::frustrated sigh:: I know because we sing a song at school about it. "

"You do?"

"Yeah. And they don't sing about Obama or the last Bush, but I know who there were two. And there were two Roosevelt's, too. "

"Who was the First President?"

"Washington"

"RIGHT! My family is related to a President. My Mother was a Taft. We are related to the Taft family. "

And then it just sort of drifted off. Mainly because Madeline came in my room and then shut the door, so most of what I heard were the elevated excited things spoken. I just heard "DAD! President Bush went to Haiti!!" And then I giggled at how I don't like Bush and how "going to Haiti" means "going to Hell".

Then I guess Anne got tired of watching the Presidents speak about aid in Haiti, because now they are watching Jonah and the Whale.. the Veggie-tale video.

Most of what I will be doing today is trying to finish some knitting and crocheting, because once again, I am on my back, taking pills and trying to relax. I hate hate hate hate taking medicine. REALLY HATE IT. I have 2 bottles of pills that I keep very safe, and if I ever need them, really need them, I will still waver back and forth on the pros and cons of taking the medication. Even today as I got up, did my stretches and did some things around the house, I felt pretty good. Then the pain started. If I lay flat down, it feels alright. If I sit up or stand, even for a short period of time, I start have sharp and extremely painful shooting pains in my back, hips, and legs. There is a nerve being pinched by a bulging disk, and if I relax and not aggravate it, it will eventually slide back into place (the disk) . If I continue to aggravate it, it will get worse, and likely burst, spilling the little bit of moisture it has left out, and causing more pain than I need. I eventually gave in and asked for medicine. Jacob wanted to give me a pill, then coaxed me with "half a pill?" I finally agreed to just take some ibuprofen. It never really works, but I like trying that first. So.. I might blog some more. Or knit you something. Who knows!!!

Visitors

There commmmminngg. 

My husbands family is coming. 

Tonight. 

Seven of his siblings... one nephew I haven't met, a sister-in-law I have met, and a cousin. 

This makes me .... ____________. 

a. Nervous and shaky.

b. Happy.

c. Crazy.

d. Excited.

e. Laid-back and relaxed. 

????? You Pick.

The cousin will be here for three months... with us. 

I am trying to keep my mind open and not be psycho-Laura.  Because she is NOT pretty. Just ask my old roommate Jaimee. Poor Poor Jaimee. 

HEY JAIMEE! You wanna get me a margarita?

Valentines CD 2009

Every year, I make my sisters a Valentines Cd. It's really for me than for them, mainly because I feel this indescribable urge to make the infamous "mixed tape" or now, in the golden age of technology, the mixed playlist..
This year is a good mix. Maybe it is because I have listened to all of the songs for a year now, or maybe it is because I am going through menopause early. I think I am tearing up to these songs for a different reason. I don't think, I know.
I am a control freak. If things don't go my way, I tend to get angry. I know this and have worked on it, but in the end, I still control my emotions. I have with-held the "healthy cry" for a really long time now. It seems that anything that might tug on an emotion in your heart makes it way out of me in it's dominant push for freedom and expression. I tend to hide the way I feel for most people sake, as to not interfere with their story they want to tell me or the comments they want to make.
Saturday this lady came over to my house, because she wanted to have a play-date with her son and Anne. She really said some things that were quite rude and asked me things that a person meeting another person would NEVER ASK. The things that I replied with and the things going on in my mind were contradictive, at best.

Said: "Well, my birthday is on Feb.26, actually"
Thought : "What the hell? Why do you want to know?"

On the question "are you making lunch?"
Said: "I wasn't planning on making lunch.. uh.. let's see what is in my fridge."
Thought: "Go away Go away Go away you crazy people!!!"

On the question if they could have their son's birthday party at my house. (you read that right)
Said: "Um. Let me ask Jacob"
Thought: "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE AND DON'T COME BACK!"

Then she proceeded to tell me that she could decorate my house for the birthday party.
I thought "WHAPWHAPWHAP" to the face.

Why would a person I barely know ask me something so horrid?? I think she knew she crossed a line, but you never know with crazy people.
Anyway, every time I watch a commercial that is NOT supposed to be a tear jerker, I start to cry a little. But just a little. Just enough for one little tear to start to make it out, then I stop all that whining like a little baby and suck it up.
It all comes down where I have a big blowout and then it starts all over again. Woe is the child that gets in my way.

I live in a scary, nice, and most of the time, quiet neighborhood.

There have been many times in my life when I have tried to tell you something, and you didn't believe me. I don't know why you didn't believe me, because Lord knows I want to be taken seriously. I desperately want be seen as an open, honest and trustworthy person.  One day Brandice was over at my house, and I opened the door, screamed, and yelled that a snake just fell on my head. Brandice did her "siiighh" and then announced that, no, a snake most certainly Did Not just fall on my head.  

Until I showed her the snake. 

I don't know how that little bastard got up there in the door frame, but it did. And it had sinister thoughts at how it would get up the nerve the next time Laura opened the door and jump on her. OKAY, now I get it... you don't believe me because I have a wild imagination, yes I DO! Guilty.   But I am most certainly honest. 

I tried to tell some people not too long ago how my neighbors must have some conspiracy against me. We put the Obama/Biden sign in our yard, and the next thing I know, they were showing off their guns, IN THEIR FRONT YARD.  Maybe it was the Obama-anti-gun-craze that sent thousands of rednecks to buy AK 47 assault rifles at the local pawn shops, or maybe it was just coincidence. One day I came home to find my neighbor across the street showing off his shotgun.  To Me.  The person who could care less about guns. I don't even know what gun-names are. That is how STUPID I am about guns. I know the long ones are shot guns, okay? and the short ones.. they... they are pistols.  or.. handguns.. whatever. 

Then a few days later... Jacob and I were enjoying the morning in our bright, sunny kitchen when we heard a loud BANG. I ran to the window and saw our two neighbors next-door shooting their.. rifle at a woodpecker.    

That's right.

     

 A WOODPECKER.   

With a SHOTGUN.      

BY OUR HOUSE. 

See they have a wood siding house, and the woodpeckers will come and peck holes in the side of their home. Some of the holes are rather large. They actually killed that woodpecker that day. 

A few days later, I looked at the window and saw them again. We live in the CITY LIMITS. We live "downtown".  Lady was walking in the middle of the street looking for that woodpecker just to show his face.  That woodpecker best find somewhere else to peck.    

Please Mr. woodpecker.  

For all of those skeptics.. doubters.. I got something for you.. PROOF. 

Well, Obviously.

This is the douche-iest message ever left. 

I was going to write a long commentary on what I thought about it, 

but... there just aren't words. 

You might as well get ready to share this one. 

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I wonder what's on the Inside.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Please don't let Jacob ever see anything resembling a cake like this,

 or I will be forced to make him one for his birthday in May.   

Or for Christmas.   

Or for our Anniversary.   

Or any given Friday night. 

Yours Truly,

Laura

 

The Worst way to Lose 8 pounds.

Is by having the stomach Flu. 

That will MESS. YOU. UP.  

Benstedman called me a while ago and started asking me all these questions about the stomach flu. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was hoping this one last nap will help me get over it and he just interrupted it after only 15 minutes of me falling asleep. 

I also didn't tell him that the only way I could sleep the past three nights was if I took a Tylenol PM to knock me out. Then the pain wakes me up again at 3 a.m. where I toss and turn until I finally get some more tylenol in the morning when my superman husband gets it for me. Jacob really has been a trooper. He held me when I threw up, got me those little wet washcloths, helped me back in bed... got his brother to bring me gingerale.  

I remember the last time the Stomach flu went through our house. It was 2005, and it was when we lived in Vermont. All I remember is Anne dry heaving and poor itty bitty Madeline living in our bath tub. She didn't want to get out. Just lay in the bath tub and moan. 

It was the saddest thing ever.

Thankfully, this time it seems to have only hit me. But it hit me hard. 

"I haven't been this sick since 2003!!", I thought to myself. That was when I was pregnant with Madeline and I thought Jacob and I were going to die. We packed a little bag of things for Anne, crawled back in bed, called Caleb, and went to sleep. A little while later we heard Caleb come in and get Anne and take her to Jacob's parents for a few days. 

I hope everyone gets well and no one else gets sick! It is no fun being sick. It is also no fun being the person who is well and cannot rightfully make fun of your sick friend out of respect. It is also not fun to be the well person taking care of sick person. 

Friday night, I went through a hellish ordeal of getting my picture made while in the throws of a migraine.  Yes.   But not only that... I did it with my Whole. F' ing. Family. 

No, Really. 

AAAANNDD.. we did it at dinner time. You can imagine the cranky children, the screams, the candy thrown in their mouths, the air sucked from the room as everyone sighs, the fake smiles from having to be in the same room with everyone.  

I look especially glorious, thanks to the medication I took as soon as I got to my Dads. I lay on the floor of the van the whole 2 hours down to Birmingham with Anne's thick Lands End jacket on my head to block out the light.. When we got there, I made Jacob go to the Wal-Mart parking lot to take our Obama 08 sticker off the back of the van so my Father and Step-mother wouldn't think I was a satanist. That's when I took a Lorcet Plus. Man, oh Man. That stuff was potent!! I fell asleep for 30 minutes and then got up to get ready for pictures. When I came downstairs my Dad said "well.. you look...  alive!" HAHA. Yes. I was walking. With my eyes open.  When we got to the picture place, it was all I could do to just stay nice. It was raining. There were 17 other families getting their picture made and the picture people were WAY behind.. so we got to wait .... OUTSIDE!

Anyway, by the time we got our pictures made, It was the girls bedtime. We were hungry, tired, and I was out of my mind. You can actually see it on the pictures. I am straining a smile on my face as my dark circled eyes try to stay open long enough to see a flash. 

This one is my favorite:

It shows my Dad looking pretty frustrated that Lily hasn't eaten any supper,

 and is a two year old and is being told to sit and smile nicely. 

This one also makes me chuckle. Lily has almost gotten

 away from my step-mothers grasp.

HAHA. In this one.. everyone.. is forcing a smile.. IF they are smiling. 

My kids look bored.

I love out-takes.

Look at her! Man!! She is really making Momma proud with that 10,ooo watt smile of hers. 

She is like "I am gonna smile no matter how much screaming is going on behind me!"

I laughed at this one as well, because my two older girls looked scared. You can tell I have threatened them under my breath to shut up and smile.

That was my after-Thanksgiving family get-together.  After two days of not eating from migraines, I ate a couple of meals and then got the Stomach flu! It was probably all connected. Correction.. I ate a butt-load of spinach-artichoke dip on Thanksgiving day.

I love you, Brandice. Thank you for making that yummers salad. That is the only thing  ate today.. and the first thing I had in two days!!    ::WEEEEEE:::