The Life and Times of Laura

That's just Life. And Death.

2011-08-11T21:17:00.002-05:00

It's been a long time since I've posted anything. I have sat many a mornings in my quiet spot to think about this, why I've been so distant and not openly spoken about things that have been stirring in my heart. I've called this season in my life The Bummer Summer. I've spent many moments just crying, or pondering why I feel the way I do. Or why I am so angry. Part of this is because of my Dad, and his passing in February, 2 days before my 33rd birthday. In one way, it was so wonderful, his quiet going in the early morning, under heavy sedation, peaceful, quiet, slow and calm. In other ways, I am still really angry for things he had done in the past.. things he Did, and things he DIDN'T do, and he should have. I feel like I really missed out on having a Dad. He was divorced from my Mom when I was about 6, and then he just wasn't around. A couple years later and he was happily married with the love of his life and her two children, which became very close to me. But, in the process of gaining them, I lost him. I .. LOST him. and I could say that was just one thing, and then I could get over it, but honestly, it was a lot more than just that one thing.

I have come to realize since his death that although I loved my Dad very very much, I do not want to be like him, in many ways. I think that sometimes life hands you these cards, and it isn't the hand you are dealt, but how you play them. I was handed a situation , over and over. Depending on my life at that moment, I handled it in different ways. I hope I can handle other things in my life the way that (in my mind) I admire others for. There is me, and then there is this other perception of me that I aspire to be. I hope I can be that person one day. Until then, others will have to have grace, patience, and love for me to learn along the way. I promise to post more upbeat and happy things later. Also, I will read my sisters blog. Maybe in the next few days. xoxoxoxo

Someone make it stop.

2011-02-03T21:07:00.002-06:00

Have you ever been in the other room, washing dishes or folding clothes or whatever, and heard a screeching car bomb go off in your living room? YEah. I have. It happened when Lily and the other girls wanted to watch this Nickelodeon Movie on Netflix featuring a pubescent boy named FRED. Fred, is, for lack of a better word- completely annoying and horrible. I hear him and sometimes I go off in a day dream of how I want to set him on fire with a flame thrower. And then walk away and be done with him forever.

But Lily LOOOOVVES FRED. Loves him like she has never loved anything in her whole entire four-year-old life. Fred's love interest in the movie is Judy, and he is so doe eyed for her. Every song Fred sings about her and how to win her love and attention. Which in turn, means Lily and her little four-year-old voice sings partial songs about love for a girl named Judy.

There have been many a time when I have been at the grocery store, or library, or for Pete's sake, the church- and Lily has belted out a tune about Judy.

::sigh::

Priorities, Priorities.

2011-02-01T09:03:00.007-06:00

Every Day, I want to write. Then, every day, I don't write. I make to-do lists, get a clean shirt, wash little hands, unload the dishwasher, load it again, fold that laundry and find that missing shoe under the bed. So today, the rainy, gloomy, get-back-in-bed day is going to turn into a get-something-accomplished day. :) This morning, my 4 year old reminded me that we have a movie called "How To Train Your Dragon", and even though she has watched it several times already and is scared to watch it alone, she wants to watch it again.

Today.

With You.

And Popcorn.

So you can't get anything accomplished.

So I did. Sometimes, even though you have a mile high list of things to do, you have to stop, put your arms around a little bitty kid and watch a movie with them, and of course, eat their popcorn. It was nice because honestly.. I really do not spend enough time with my children. They go to public school, come home, and then I am usually busy making dinner or cleaning to really engage with them. I have tried to go on mini dates with my daughters, sitting with them at dinner and talking to them about little things that we never seem to have the momentum to talk about. Depending on who you are with depends on where you go. Anne always wants to go to Rosies. Madeline will want to go to McDonalds. Lily will want to go to Chuck-E-Cheese.

I am going to try to really engage with my children, on a nice level, not a mean, scowling, clean your room or I will spank you level. Because lately that is how I've been operating. Just, please for my sanity sake- clean your room. Or clean something, because if I step on one more lego, mama is going to lose her ever lovin' mind and nobody wants to see that again.

One morning, when things got quiet, I made myself a grilled-cheese sandwich with tomato, and I walked over to my window, put my feet on the air vent to warm them, and ate my sandwich while I watched the birds. I know I sound like an 84- year old, but it made me think about the small comforts in my day. I want to write more, and every time I write, I will add the small comfort I found for myself. Other Mothers who read this know about those Small Comforts, the ones that do not come often enough and those that we need more of.

Today's comfort was getting back in bed and stretching- arching my lower back and raising my arms above my head, reaching my toes down where the bed is cooler and the sheets are tucked in. Having those five minutes of stretching relaxed me and helped me to be in a calmer state to handle whatever my 4 year old decided to surprise me with in the next few hours.

I want to do more exercise-oriented stretching/moving/relaxing in my routine. I've been thinking a lot about zumba, because I have a friend that teaches it up North and just goes on and on about how awesome it feels. I looked it up and this is what I found:

This does not look like what I thought it would look like. I thought Zumba was more of a .. African drum dancing thing. This looks like everyone is doing Michael Jackson's Thriller Dance. If we are going to prance around like the zombies in Thriller then sign. me. up.

Long Time Coming

2011-01-02T13:12:00.004-06:00

Ringing in the New Year comes with past regrets with the old year and new promises for the new year. I've been going through all of these past feelings, and one of them.. is not being honest. Now I am a big advocate for telling the truth, honesty, to have true communion in relationships. But although I have told the truth, it's withholding the true feelings I have that feel like lies. And in that- I should say, I have learned much this past year, and am still learning.

For instance- There is this person, whom I truly love, but hold little respect for. It angers me that I hold these feelings inside and feel so much regret inside myself for not telling them how I feel. Part of me wants to just grab them by the shoulders and shake them and tell them how angry they make me, things they are probably oblivious to, their family is oblivious to, and yet they are prancing around life in a clown suit while everyone pats them on the head saying"aren't they cute?".

Maybe I am just being bitchy about it.

The other part of me know that patience, love, hope and faith last longer that the foolishness that they show, and I should shut my mouth and love them anyway - no matter what they do- and hold true to my own belief system and things happen and you can't change people or circumstances that have happened and you can move on with your life.

Yeah. So I think that this year, I am going to take a backseat more than I have with the anger. Things will become known, and I know they are scared shitless for things they have done to be known- things they don't even know that I know about- to be revealed. But as Christians themselves, they have the knowledge that all things will be revealed, and they will be judged for those things.

I am going to try and just chill out and not worry about it anymore. I think this blog has mostly served the purpose of being a vomit bag for me- to yell about the things I can't say to people's face, to write the feelings that I don't show.

Sorry to bore you so- but I feel like if you don't want to hear it, you can just stop reading whenever! you know?!?! I'm not here to make you laugh or amuse you. I'm here because it is MY blog, not yours.

Also- I'll be blogging more this year. I will probably bitch more, because I am honestly that person that screams inside and holds it in. and I will try to love more, laugh more. Probably not care so much a little more.

YAY 2011!!

One time I had lunch with Christie Steadman, Sara Martin, and Shannon Wells. I remember holding little June as a baby and being in love with her. I don't remember the conversation at the restaurant much, only that it was just whatever we were thinking about the moment.

The one thing that really sticks out in my mind was when we were outside, and someone said something to the effect that if you are Christian, act like it, don't apologize for it, and if that is what you feel step up to the plate. I remember looking at them as they all stared at me . They all knew I was a Christian, and knew the horrible things people have claimed, done, promised, failed in the name of Christianity. I didn't know how to look each one of them in the eye and tell them how honestly I hated how Christians act, felt, and behaved. It is ridiculous, and I own up to that. BUT SHIT I cannot apologize for how fellow Christians have acted like complete asses. Seriously. That is on their own heads, you know. I am only me. I am not Jacob, or Anne, or Beth, or Brandice. Just me. And I am only responsible for my own actions. That is all.

One time it hit me that when I get to heaven, I can't walk up and say "Hey St. Peter- I'm Jacob Senecal's wife. I believe you are expecting me?" Because it won't happen.

You are responsible for your own feelings.

You are responsible for your own thoughts.

You are responsible for your own actions.

Stop blaming others, dumbasses.

And think about what YOU need to do to better YOURSELF.

And Jesus know all of this. Seriously.

This year I am going to learn to forgive that person.

Get over their own insecurities, because I am not responsible for them.

Live my own life. If they have a problem with it, they have to learn how to deal with it themselves and I will gladly help, support and be there if they need me, but I will never put that on myself to feel bad about the fact they are dealing with things that are beyond my control.

I will, however, pray for them, love them, send encouraging things their way, and be nice to them.

I guess what I am saying is, I am working through my own feelings this year instead of being disturbed at others bullshit feelings and feeling bad about it. We all have our own dealings, but until you pull the plank out of your own eye, you can't get the speck out of your brothers, and When I start dealing with what is wrong, then maybe I can start addressing- honestly and openly the other things. I love you dear messed-up person. I hope you get your shit straight in 2011 because I sure am trying to get mine in order.

xoxo,

Laura

p.s. Eric, I really liked your message this morning. I cuss a lot. Not sorry for it. :)

Beans, Greens and Gay farm boys.

2010-08-10T09:54:00.002-05:00

I have a new fascination with cable, one show in particular... The Fabulous Beekman Boys. This show makes me feel like Martha Stewart and Omnimedia productions decided to look at the life of a woman like me and make a show JUST for them! This television show makes me feel like someone can read my dreams and make shows from them. When I see Josh and Brent live on this beautiful farm in upstate New York, I can remember the smell of the New England grass when freshly cut, I remember the people and how they never wore make-up, I remember the farmers markets and the culture.

I want a miniature version here at my home. This summer we (and when I say "we", I mean "Jake") have been digging out a lily bed that is waaay overgrown in order to plant some rose bushes and hopefully purple coneflower with black-eyed susans. Lilies will be put in another bed closer to the pond.

We have 2 different kinds of muscadine grapes and a garden spot -(that did horrible this year. ) The grapes seem to have done well despite the rest of the garden, and the basil seems to thrive as well.

Earlier in the Spring we got a truckload of horse manure that must have still been too hot. We added some around the base of the grapes and added some through the dirt of the rest of the garden. Looks like it burned most everything, we added it to but the basil and grapes.

This summer was also a time to start making kombucha again, and it sparked my interest in making kimchi. Fermentation has always been around in our foods, even if we don't know it.. from yogurt to cheese, olives, beer or bread. I read an article about "countertop Culture" - planting, keeping and storing involving fermentation. This is incredibly interesting to me and I find that it is even more interesting than photography. I have started to wonder if I could possibly get a degree in culinary arts now, majoring in green/organic cooking. That seems -- hopeless to me in one sense, and in another sense I see a great need for that in the South.

The more we rely on Wal-Mart and Big Box stores for our fruits, vegetables and milk- the more out of touch we are with the local farmer and the produce that naturally grows in our area. There is so much to learn and we are just tapping into the surface here at our house- we started with kombucha, now we make our own bread, pasta, and shopping at the local farmstand and butcher. I feel better about what I feed my family and am learning that the most delicious dishes in my house involve meatless recipes.

For more information check out the Slow Food Movement and Meatless Mondays. Just choosing one meal a week to be meatless can save money, water, gas, your waistline, and never on taste!

Tootsie

2010-07-13T06:18:00.006-05:00

I've never been one of those girls that cherished things of yonder days. I have always tried to live in the now, because I can't change the past, and I don't really want to think that I am anything like my parents or grandparents. I feel like I am a part of a new and exciting generation, one that has learned more than my ancestors could ever have imagined possible.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, my dear Grandmother passed away, and it forced me to think of things that I have pressed back behind me for fear it would teach me a lesson in my rebellious attitude.

It did.

I learned so much from my Grandmother, and without her taking to time and energy to spend quality time with me, I would not be the woman I am today.

She taught me how to cook. I watched as she would pour her cornbread batter into the hot skillet, making crackling noises and smelling delicious.

She canned fruit and vegetables and started my curiosity with making my own food. It started when I lived in Vermont, when I didn't know how to cook and tried to re-create her chicken stew. From there it blossomed into a passion of mine.

She fed this little three legged squirrel for the longest time. Until one day it just didn't come back. We probably fed it leftover cornbread or biscuits. I remember it being so fun.

She took me fishing. This by far was a very fond memory for me. She had a little boat with a trolly motor and she and I would scoot around on the Tennessee River together. I would dig all over for worms and she taught me how to bait my hook.

When my husband and I wanted to buy a home and settle down, we looked for a home off the beaten path, a home with a woodsy feel near water. I often thought of my Granparents home in Killen, where I had so many good memories with her. Now I listen to the birds that I remember hearing at her home because we settled in Florence, right beside Killen, in a woodsy home near water.

Driving around Florence, I remember the places we went together and the memories we made when I would visit with her in the summers.

Looking back, I have no regrets. I feel blessed that I was able to live and learn from her and her way of life. She will always hold a special place in my heart.

Here's to you, Tootsie! Cheers. I Love you.

Not SO FAST!!!

2010-07-09T09:11:00.004-05:00

Last night we all went to the Mega grocery store, all three girls and Jacob. After we got our food items I wandered over to the clothing section to check out any deals there might be for the upcoming school year. This Fall, both Anne and Madeline will be going off to Big Girl School and only Lily will be home with me. Her preschool starts later and gets out earlier. I like that I will have this small amount of time just with her. My girls are growing up so fast, and honestly, I don't like it. I am disgusted with people when they say "Kids grow up so fast!". I just want to punch their face right through the computer. Yeah! That's what people do! GROW. When you feed them.

Now I find myself groaning with the thought of the girls going to the next grade, thinking about how they will daydream about boys, remembering how they were when they were Lily's age. The other day I walked down the hall and paused to find Lily in the bathroom, standing on a little chair, on her tippy toes, brushing her teeth all by herself. She could barely see herself in the mirror. That is when I realized how big she has gotten this summer. Sigh.

In the grocery store I bought Anne and Madeline some new underwear. That is when Madeline started whining about something she wanted. I looked over. Ohmygosh the bras. BRAS, people! I had my own money to spend and I thought I would indulge them and let them feel grown and important. So, I found the littlest tiniest little bras for little people and I bought 3 for 9$.

Madeline RUNS up to Jacob, SCREAMING "Dad I got a BRA! We got BRAS!!!" and then Anne chimes in and Lily is screaming and it is a little chorus of small children screaming about bras. Jacob looks at me, and says in the most exasperated tone "I don't want to know!".

Knowing this would probably give Jacob more gray hairs, I had the girls put on their bras when they got home and show them to Jacob. :)

Raisin' em right means: Making Mama a Hotdog.

2010-05-21T08:40:00.006-05:00

Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.. is that a correct quote? I'm not sure where it came from, but sometimes it can be flattery, enlightening, or just plain mean. Today, I woke up in a rare good mood, (not being a morning person by nature..) so I decided to be just plain mean to Jacob. :)

I followed him around the house mimicking everything he did.. it was as if I had turned into a ten year old, the opposite of Tom Hanks in BIG.

Jacob: "What are you going to do today?"

Me: " What are YOU going to do today?"

Jacob: " I'm going to be moving files ."

Me: "well, I'M going to be moving piles. of laundry. "

He puts on his deodorant, I do it. He brushes his teeth, so do I. I just followed him around and did everything he did - at the time he did it - just to see what he would do.

At first he was all : heystopitthat'snotcoolLaura but in the end I think he liked the attention.

After he went to work I went to work in the kitchen doing the dishes, making my children hotdogs at 9:30, sweeping, prepping a chicken for dinner.. WHY YES I am making hot dogs at 9:30 am.. because Mama wanted a hotdog for breakfast. I think I am going to start a tumblr account and name it "HotDogs For Breakfast", because lets face it America. This is who we are.

So I'm in there and I hear the girls in the living room playing with each other and they are pretending to be Mama and Baby.

I love hearing this because: A.) They never ever play together unless they are trying to kill each other. and B.) Madeline was me. She was.. pretending to be me, and saying things she thought I would say. The mimicking was now all about me and I must say it is not always cool to hear your 6 year old yell at your 3 year old. Madeline screamed

"Where is your sister? WHERE IS SHE!!??"

I sort of laughed and cringed on the inside. So I really sound like that? When do I ever yell tha..... OHHHHH YEAH. Sometimes Lily will escape and try to go outside and that is a big NO NO in my house. You can't just go outside by YOURSELF! What if one of those gross turkey buzzards that fly around comes over and picks up my baby and scoops her away to the Dump?-- or worse--- a tick gets on you.

EEEEEEEEWWWWWWW.

I just heard Lily say "Mama I'm huuuungry. " Madeline went through the motions of trying to get her something to eat. Finally I heard Madeline reply.. "(sigh) I'll get you some water. "

I think I am going to go in there and reward her with another hotdog.

Sleeping better!!!

2010-05-20T09:48:00.008-05:00

Hooray for Melatonin! I've used it before but never really thought it was helping much. Now it seems to work every time! I've suffered with insomnia since I was a young child and I find melatonin to be a safe, natural and inexpensive trick.

School is almost out for everyone.. Madeline and Lily stay home with me now and we are just waiting for Anne's final days to be over with. Having a schedule where children are gone certain days and at certain times and working around those times-seems to fall in step as we march through the year. This is the part of the year when all the marching in step sees a stop sign up ahead and you are getting ready to halt the whole platoon. It can be frustrating getting things wrapped up, but I always looked forward to having my babies at home with me all summer. We have all sorts of things planned to make our summer fun.. and cheap. The local Library has something prepared for every day of the week. We will definitely be attending Yummy Stories on Saturdays and we might try out Smart Arts and the Science / Deep Sea days. Plus, BF Jaimee works there and we always want to see her face and hug her neck. The children's librarian, Jessica and Mr. Chris, are the best. They are always enthusiastic and loving and kind. (and FUN!!!)

Once day I decided to take the girls to a little sandy cove off the Tennessee River at MacFarland Park. I didn't tell them where we were going, only that it was a surprise. They know refer to the sandy spot as "surprise beach". Although a little smelly at times (fishy), we see majestic herons, paddle wheel boats floating by, watch locals fishing, and the girls are getting a great experience of growing up at the river the way I did when I visited my Grandmother here as a young girl.

The Splash Pad here is where we spent most of our summer last year. I brought the chairs, some capri suns, and just chilled for a couple of hours. It was the best find in this area for fun, free things to do with children during the summer.

Today, Jacob and I went out to our garden and worked before he headed to the office. I dug up the bed of half-grown wilted spinach and after getting most of the ground weeded, I planted some sunflower seeds. I weeded to tomatoes and peas, the herbs (basils, dill) and cucumbers. I was so pleased to notice all the beautiful fat earthworms digging around where I was weeding. At one point I reached my hands into the soil only to scream as I pulled out a blue skink who was indeed one of the largest I have seen. He was startled too and ran for the nearest log to hide under.

Afterwards I got ready to go for a ride in the country with Betsy Ranier to Goose Pond Farms. They are an organic free-range and environmentally-conscious farm that sell beef, chickens and lamb. Betsy had ordered some chickens and went to pick them up -and I thought I would tag along since I am interested in buying things locally and that are good for my family. Betsy said that since the chickens are free to eat a diet that is open and free they have a higher content of Omega Fatty Acids.

She ended up giving me two that had been in her freezer and I am excited to cook them with fresh rosemary, mushrooms and lemons.

I leave you with some pics of the nice sandy spot we visited on Mothers Day.. the surprise beach.

2010-05-05T07:47:00.003-05:00

I haven't really slept in two nights.. I'm not sure why, but I have a feeling it has to do with stress.

This means I have an excuse to be short tempered and frustrated and completely look off into space with glazed-over eyes when you talk to me about something I don't care about. That happens a lot. I realize someone is really trying to talk to me about something that happened to them, or they feel a certain way about _______, and I think -- "oh my. I have not been listening. what have they been talking about? Have they asked me questions? I haven't heard any lapses in speech. " Than I start nodding my head in agreement and say .. "Isn't that just life for ya? GOD! "

Maybe I am just getting older, 0r maybe I just need way more sleep.

When Sleep does come, I have Stanley Kubrick dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was having another baby. I had planned on having this baby in a bath tub of an upstairs room that was completely unfinished. I think you could actually see the stars from the tub just by looking upwards. The day came when I started having minor labor pains, and when I sat down to use the bathroom, the baby came out. It was small and wrapped in .. uh.. organs? Wet, red ,.... flesh.

I unwrapped it to see what it was. At first, I thought it was a boy and thought.. FINALLY.. A BOY! but then I realized it was a girl and then thought.. oh my god I have FOUR GIRLS.

She was feisty and alive and chatty. That's right.. chatty. She knew a few words and could say MAMA. I also noticed she had teeth. Like, all of her top teeth. I just gasped and thought how horrible breast feeding would be.

These are my dreams, people.

When I woke up, I realized how sad I was that we aren't having any more children. Jacob was completely done with children after Madeline, but I begged and pleaded to please let me have another. So After Lily was born, he went to the hospital and got him self all fixed up. The conversation went something like this...

Me: " Hey, honey? Let's just go. We haven't paid yet, and we can just leave now and go home. "

Jacob: " No way. We are staying and I am getting this done. "

Me: "whine."

I think I am still mourning this decision. I still secretly wish that I could somehow get pregnant even though he is done. I have heard that it can happen, but seriously doubt it will. Jacob has made valid arguments that my back would not be able to handle another pregnancy, and he is probably right. Even without a job and without being pregnant, I hurt probably every three months. Right now is one of those times.

I picked up Madeline at church on Sunday and I think that was probably the worst decision of the month of May. Not only am I getting ready for Madeline's Magic birthday this Saturday, but it is also Jacob's birthday, and the end of school for the kids, graduation, Spring Art and Dance show, and my back is out. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CLEAN EVERYTHING so I won't be secretly judged by mothers on Saturday?

I need a maid.

Conversations : Laura and Jacob.

2010-04-05T20:28:00.004-05:00

Tonight was just one of those nights. We had gotten the girls in bed, all tucked in watching a movie. We had a few minutes alone and of course, as usual, I am trying my BEST to get things done before bed. It is the only time I have where my energy is up and the children are not bothering me. I had gotten a tip to replace my regular dishwashing detergent with Borax powder and part Baking Soda. Still as poisonous as before, but better for the environment. I was sold. We were unloading the dishwasher, and were trying to determine if the dishes were as clean as they usually are. Note: My dishwasher sucks A$$ and I am trying to get them clean with the time that I have to still spank my children and till the earth.

That is when Jacob asked : "so.. what is on the agenda for tomorrow?"

I replied-" shootin' some B' ball outside of the school.

when a couple of guys, who were up to no good, started makin' trouble in my neighborhood. I started one little fight and my mom got scared and said 'you moving with your Auntie and your Uncle in Bel Air.' I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said Fresh and it had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "nah, forget it, YO HOME TO BEL AIR!!" I . Pulled. Up to a house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie Yo holmes, smell ya later! I looked at kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the Prince of Bel Air. "

At this point , Jacob just shakes his head at me. I said "you don't even know what I'm talking about you HOMESCHOOLER!!!!!" and he said "YES I DO THE PRINCEOFBELAIR!!! "

HAHAHAHHAA.

I feel sorry for Jacob. I mean. I really taunt him. I make his life miserable sometimes with my silly, sleep deprived antics. I tell myself he loves it and that he needs the spice in me to make his life complete. Right?!

Yesh. He loves it.

Conversations : Anne and Jacob

2010-01-17T12:08:00.001-06:00

Conversation I just heard:

::Jacob changing channels::

Anne: "NONONO, Daddy! "

Jacob: "You don't want to watch the news, do you?"

"YES! I've been watching the news for DAYS. I love CNN. Do you know what I have been watching? "

"What?"

"I've been watching ALLL about Haiti. "

"Well. Alright. I guess. Do you know who those men are? They are the past Presidents. "

"What are their names?"

"Bush and Clinton. "

"I KNOW who Clinton is. "

"But he was President before you were born. "

"Well.. I KNOW who he is. "

"Okay. Well, Clinton was the President Before you were born. And Bush was President when you were born. "

"DAAAAD. There where TWO Bush's . I know. ::frustrated sigh:: I know because we sing a song at school about it. "

"You do?"

"Yeah. And they don't sing about Obama or the last Bush, but I know who there were two. And there were two Roosevelt's, too. "

"Who was the First President?"

"Washington"

"RIGHT! My family is related to a President. My Mother was a Taft. We are related to the Taft family. "

And then it just sort of drifted off. Mainly because Madeline came in my room and then shut the door, so most of what I heard were the elevated excited things spoken. I just heard "DAD! President Bush went to Haiti!!" And then I giggled at how I don't like Bush and how "going to Haiti" means "going to Hell".

Then I guess Anne got tired of watching the Presidents speak about aid in Haiti, because now they are watching Jonah and the Whale.. the Veggie-tale video.

Most of what I will be doing today is trying to finish some knitting and crocheting, because once again, I am on my back, taking pills and trying to relax. I hate hate hate hate taking medicine. REALLY HATE IT. I have 2 bottles of pills that I keep very safe, and if I ever need them, really need them, I will still waver back and forth on the pros and cons of taking the medication. Even today as I got up, did my stretches and did some things around the house, I felt pretty good. Then the pain started. If I lay flat down, it feels alright. If I sit up or stand, even for a short period of time, I start have sharp and extremely painful shooting pains in my back, hips, and legs. There is a nerve being pinched by a bulging disk, and if I relax and not aggravate it, it will eventually slide back into place (the disk) . If I continue to aggravate it, it will get worse, and likely burst, spilling the little bit of moisture it has left out, and causing more pain than I need. I eventually gave in and asked for medicine. Jacob wanted to give me a pill, then coaxed me with "half a pill?" I finally agreed to just take some ibuprofen. It never really works, but I like trying that first. So.. I might blog some more. Or knit you something. Who knows!!!

A Year in the Life.

2009-12-31T18:35:00.003-06:00

Recently I was watching on Tv all the celebrity deaths of 2009. Patrick Swayze, Michael Jackson, Brittany Murphy, Etc. It is interesting to think of all the immense talent that was lost. But in the light of hollywood and beautiful people, I have to admit it really makes me gag. I hate hollywood and all the trash that it promotes. The glamour, the sparkles, the dresses, it is really just a shame to fall into that trap, if you ask me. Perhaps I am just like Anne Hathaways character in the beginning of the movie "The Devil Wears Prada"... I just don't give a shit about all of it.

Of all the people that has passed, I only get choked up at one person.. Ted Kennedy. He fought and fought hard.. all the way to the end. I can't imagine having cancer, and battling the terrible disease while speaking in front of millions of people about Health Care reform. I almost cannot even write the words I want to express without feeling immensely sad for him.

This year has been full of changes, and great strides have been made (in my eyes) by electing our first African-American President. I am so proud and happy for the First Family. I have also learned lessons this year that will carry for the rest of my life. Lessons such as standing up for myself, and my children, living my life the way I need to.. not the way other people need me to live. It is a big lesson for me, because I am a people pleaser, and I am learning to love myself in the process of letting go of others. Big Lesson, and HARD. In it all... I am blessed and happy and feeling very fulfilled at the ending of the year.

Well, Internet, I hope you have a wonderful New Year. This is going to be a quiet one for me. I am home, in Jammies, with my Mom and husband and girls.

Many Blessings,

Laura

Things I hear my kids say.

2009-12-31T12:33:00.002-06:00

Just heard from Anne : You have "Spaghetti-Breath, Lily!!"

LOLZ.

You Can't Always Get What you Want.

2009-12-30T20:16:00.003-06:00

Lily has been going through this phase where she is just... retarded about the toilet. She is potty trained, and can easily go potty ALL BY HERSELF. Lately, though, she will not even step foot in that bathroom without one of us hovering over her, encouraging her that "she can do it! Go potty! sit down! Do it! Do it! DO IT! DO IIIITTT!!!" Eventually she will go, but another thing hinders her from finishing the job.

Flushing the Toilet.

She can't seem to get her little hands to push hard enough on the lever to flush it. And she gets really really mad about it. She will scream and cry, and instead of saying "Flush the Toilet Mama!" She screams.. "TURN ON THE SWISHIE!!"

I always end up laughing at her and trying to teach her to flush, but then end up flushing it myself and then that makes her REALLY MAD. Like, "why the hell did you flush it, woman?".

I do not understand 3 year olds. I figure this is a little glimpse of Teenager Lily.

Be Careful Little Ears, What you hear.

2009-10-05T14:26:00.003-05:00

There are times in my life, where I have had an epiphany, an eye opening, an awakening to how things are or have been in my life. These moments of clarity to life's mysteries always leave me to be more of a grown woman, a little bit better of a wife, or mother. I never write about them, but keep them hidden in my heart so I will remember them and keep them close to me.

A moment like this happened to me recently and more than anything I was ashamed at how I had been acting around my children. Sometimes, children will say cuss words or make some action that is just like their parents. When the parents ask "where did you hear that word??!" Of course, the parents are immediately ashamed when they realize it was out of their very own mouths that the sweet innocent children heard those words. Sometimes over, and over, and over again.

It happened when we went on vacation recently, to Orange Beach, Alabama. It is my favoritestestest place to go. We have been there before, but actually, it is the first time I have ever really felt like I was on vacation. That is sad to say... but honestly, I don't get to go on vacation with people who let me be myself. This time, is was wonderful .. I was with my husband, my children, my mother, and our roommate Aaron. Aaron is Benstedman's brother. We claim them all as family (see Stedman/Senecal Thanksgiving), and when the opportunity came for Aaron to live with us in January, of course we wanted him here. I hope he never leaves. He is perfect with the girls (when we get to see him) and loves to play and be a perfect gentleman in my home and be considerate and kind and forgiving. It is wonderful .

So.. we are on vacation. This means we are in a place that has cable. Jacob took away my cable (I say MY cable for many reasons JonStewart) when we needed to save some money. He got a Tivo in its place and it is the best thing Jacob has ever bought, besides my wedding ring. We watched everything on vacation that we don't get to watch at home.... including the stupid stuff. On one channel, a woman is crying tears of joy... because she is hunting in the woods with her pubescent son, and they are waiting on this one buck who is oblivious to their little hideout. They waited patiently for three days for these deer to wander over to this field.. and they take their shot and she gets her buck. Normally we would never watch this, but by gosh we are on VACATION. While I am standing there, thinking.. ::poor deer. Poor kid!:: Madeline saunters over to the TV and yells " a deer! A DEEER!!! " and starts barking. At the TV screen. Loud. "bark! bark! Bark! bark!"

This is when my moment of realizing that every time I go over to the window or door to scare the deer out of my yard, and bark at them, my children see it. They are just mimicking me. And honestly, I look pretty stupid. I have decided to not bark at the deer anymore. I will just watch them from my windows... glaring at them until they run away.

I am going to be more careful about lots of things. :)

Seasons. They are a Changing.

2009-10-02T21:02:00.006-05:00

I realize the last two posts were contradicting of each other, one was a "Wow" and one was a "Pow". In the College group that I am somehow (a God thing) a part of... they do this thing called PowWow. When they asked me to be a part of this group, and help out, I was flattered and jumped at the chance to hang out with the College group at church. Are you kidding me?? Man, an hour (or two, or three!!) without children and be around people who get to sleep and read books and listen to music.. probably music that I like? HELL YES.

So I joined. But then I realized I had sort of bit off more than I can chew. Dealing with a 2 year old like Lily... a job, a husband, a house to clean and those pesky Stedmans to deal with... (kidding BEN! pleasedon'thurtme) and I have two other children too.

So anyway.. they do these icebreakers, and I was already so nervous to even be there, and didn't know anyone, and then they do the POWWOW thing, and I thought I was going to pee in my pants right then and there. But you give a "pow", which is a negative thing that happened this week.. then a "wow" which is a positive thing. I think you understand. If you don't, you shouldn't be reading my blog, you idiot. But I am normally a nervous person, so speaking in front of others in painful to watch.

I started reading the book that went along with the class.. and I am surprised at myself. This book, called SEVEN, by Jeff Cook, has really ministered to me. What a blessing this class has been. (the wow) I feel like God has completely orchestrated the whole thing. It goes over the Bible's "Seven Deadly Sins" and let me tell you.. WOW. This book is amazing. I would encourage it a read for everyone.

So everything has been lacking lately. My proficiency as a wife an mother and house-keeper is all shot to hell. I just can't get everything done. So my expectancy in myself is going down. If I keep high expectations on myself I will just drive me and everyone around me crazy.

My house will be messy. I will forget homework. I might forget to brush my childs hair in the morning. I might be wearing mis-matched socks or need a drink at 3 in the afternoon. But this is the season I am in. And if your expectations of me are higher than this... I will go ahead and tell you that I will let you down. Cause I can't do much better than this.

Little known fact: I LOVE DAVID BOWIE. The Thin White Duke is a little dream of mine. Yes my husband knows. No, I do not rub it in his face. nom nom nom, Bowie.

Little Girl/For Sale/ Going CHEAP.

2009-10-02T14:25:00.004-05:00

I will not hurt my kids. I will not hurt my kids. I will not yell at them. I will not yell. I will not scrunch up my face and glare at them. I will not slam my door. I will not stomp off and cry.

Lately Lily and Madeline have been a handful .. no.. a SHOVEL full. A Tractor trailer full. They are amazingly bad. But I refuse to say that Lily is in her "Terrible Twos". I've always tried to be more positive and say the Wonderful Ones, the Terrific Twos, the Thunderous Threes, the Fabulous Fours, Fantastic Fives, and so on. Anne really loves it when I am this positive, but lately it has been hard to be so positive. From pulling up a chair to get magic markers on the counter, or dumping lasagna noodles on the kitchen floor, or whatever... Lily is into everything all the time.

This morning, I had to go to a meeting. I had pictures on the dining room table sorted out from our New England vacation to give to different grandparents. There must have been seven different piles for friends and siblings. When I returned, Jacob was in the kitchen doing dishes and Lily had dumped all the pictures I had sorted out onto the floor. Then she took the salt and pepper shakers and dumped it all over the table. People.. This is ONE thing that she did today. Can I mention the pooping in her panties, unraveling my yarn, painting her nails with fingernail polish, getting handfuls of pringles from the kitchen, opening all the umbrellas and placing them in rooms, still open...

It is 2:40 in the afternoon. That is it. There is still so many hours left in the day to do mischief. So. Many. More. Hours.

I feel like I have been the disciplinarian in our home from the beginning. Jacob is very very patient and very calm and often does not hear what the kids are yelling at each other. Often I will be the one to break up fights or turn the water off or stop the banging. It just doesn't register with him, probably because he was the oldest of so many children in his family and quickly learned how to mentally tune noise out. He goes into his little world and I am left with three screaming children and a mound of Barbie heads.

So.. what do I do? I can't really get Jacob out of his world easily and I cannot keep Lily on a leash. Well, I could, but then all my friends would call me a 'child abuser'. I refuse that sort of ridicule so instead I am struggling to keep my dishes intact. Any time there is a quiet spell, I am immediately tuned into finding Lily. This morning, I found her in our bathroom rummaging through our drawers. She then went into the hallway and marked on the walls. Even though she gets into trouble, she keeps repeating the same acts of disobedience. Sometimes she gets spanked, but I try to just either sit her in time out or tell her "NO! That is NOT the right thing to do." She seems to understand that and will say "okaaay. I sorrrry!"

Maybe she is not getting enough interactive play, whatever it is, I have got to figure it out soon so I will not run away and join Barnum and Bailey Circus. I think there is less face paint and jumping through hoops with them.

You've Got To Admit, It's Getting Better.

2009-10-01T14:54:00.003-05:00

Lately lots of things have been changing around here. Sometimes Jacob and I will ride through town and notice all the new businesses that have moved into the old buildings. Recently, we have noticed that Seven Points in Florence has had new life moving through it's streets. What used to be an old warehouse of a building is now Rice Box, a thriving and popular place to eat Sushi. Then an abandoned old eatery is now Sweet Magnolia Cafe. They are always busy in the afternoon dishing out their portobello and goat cheese paninis.

I'm really glad that when we moved back there was so much improvement to Florence. Deibert Park is always a favorite, the Splash Pad down at the River, the new Florence Library, and Aroma's became Rivertown Coffee.

The newest and possibly the most exciting changes have happened just recently. I discovered a butcher in Central, which is actually about 8 miles away, has organic beef and lamb. We were grocery shopping last Saturday and I just could not bring myself to buy a roast from the grocery store. I actually sort of whined about it (sorry Jake), but looking back, am so glad I did. We looked it up on the iPhone (shameless plug) and easily found it. We got lamb chops, a leg of lamb, hamburger meat, a huge roast, and even some chicken. We froze most of it, as we just don't eat meat very much. I get so excited about food. It is the way to my heart. Forget the flowers and chocolate and movie dates. Bring me some Rosie's guacamole or home made mushroom soup and I am yours.

Then, this past Sunday, a friend told me about the Honest To Goodness Dairy located a few towns away was actually selling their organic milk at a Florence grocery store. So today, after picking up Madeline from school, I drove over there and checked it out. Their milk was cheaper than everyone else's milk. $1.69 a GALLON!! I've never seen those prices.. especially with organic milk. I was thrilled!!

I feel so much better when I am giving my children something that benefits their growing bodies, instead of just giving them something to give them something.

Florence is definitely making great strides, and I am so glad I live here.

p.s.

2009-08-24T16:57:00.002-05:00

Also.. Don't get your little panties in a wad. Because if you are reading this, the person I am angry about is not you. Because that person never talks to me.

There. Glad we settled that.

Carry on!

WTF??

2009-08-24T13:47:00.003-05:00

I know. Some of you are thinking.. "LAAAAURUUHH!! I know what that 'F' stands for!!" And my answer to you is... "I do too. And I don't care. "

So now that we are passed that... on to thoughts. Umm.. I'm angry. REAL angry. I have a friend, that acts all pure and sweet, and I think they are actually fooling people to believe this. I feel angry about this because I just want to be myself, and I want everyone else to know me for who I am. Like an open book. And I get angry when people I know are fooling others, and are not showing others their real self. I want to OUT them, but am learning patience to realize that people will always figure out the real truth in time. You know? It will be known.

I have the best husband.. I know you are thinking you have the best husband, and my thoughts are... you probably have the best husband for YOU. But I have the best husband for ME. We are sitting there the other night, watching TV, and he looks over at me and says " You know what?? You are my home. I mean, we could live anywhere, do anything, but I wouldn't be home unless you were there."

So I say "Stop it. Where is the tape recorder? I need to tape this. "

And he says "If I didn't have you, I would be Homeless."

And I am thinking to myself.. write this down, Nicolas Sparks... wherever you are.. This is GOLD. I want to see Rachel McAdams little doe eyes sparkle on screen when some hunk says that to her so I can cry with my girlfriends.

My other thoughts today are.. I let people take advantage of me.. my time, my efforts, my love and patience, and that is all about to S-T-O-P. I am tired of not taking time for myself and family and instead doing for others. I mean, I love ya'll and all.. but puh-leeze-- it has got to stop. And it will. Three seconds ago.

Fall is right around the corner and allergies to go along with it. We already take allergy medicine everyday and it doesn't seem to help much, so I am breaking out the local honey. One teaspoon (or tablespoon,... or 1/2 cup. ) a day and it should ease symptoms of seasonal allergies.

That is all..

TGIF

2009-08-21T12:25:00.005-05:00

Madeline reminded me that today is FRIDAAAY!! and you know what that means, of course.

What's that?

you DON'T know??!!?

Well, of course it is Friday, and in Five-year-old language, that means it is French Fry-day.

So every week, on Friday, I get this guilt trip about it being Friday, and mom, I really feel like going somewhere today. Where you ask? Oh, you know.. a restaurant. Um, one that serves french Fries. And I am sooooo hungry oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh my stomach hurts, I am dying of hunger look at my eyes roll back in my head.

I think I should go ahead and put that kid in some drama classes.

It makes me happy.

2009-08-10T15:45:00.005-05:00

These were my favorites from My First Fail.

This is the Spawn of Josh and Rachel's children.. if they have any.

And this is my childhood, summed up in one picture.

Thank you Sara, for making my day so much brighter.

You know Jacob has had enough when...

2009-07-28T18:48:00.005-05:00

I called Brandice today and told her how grumpy my husband was today, and how I thought it was so out-of-the-ordinary because WE WIVES are supposed to be the grumpy ones!! We are the ones running after that wild-eyed two year old with a magic marker in her little hand, while she makes a streak of black along the hallway wall. All the while I am screaming "get back here!" and she is laughing hysterically. Oh, Motherhood.. you tricky tricky thing. You show me this beautiful helpless babe who needs me for sustenance and life, and then it grows to be a marker-loving-2-year-old devil who likes to kick you in the face while wiggling in your bed at 3 a.m.

So Jacob woke up grumpy. Maybe it was the fact that before we even got out of bed this morning, Lily had woken up, found my make-up bag, unzipped it, found the mascara and clutching it in her little hands, had made a beautiful black drawing on her bedroom floor carpet. and her legs. and her face. and my make-up bag.

It is times like this that I treasure the most.. the Jacob-being-grumpy part. He is so funny when he is grumpy. I asked him to help me make dinner in the kitchen, which tonight consists of cutting up a bunch of fresh vegetables from the garden to make a chicken vegetable stew. The girls had come running through, with an elaborate play they made up starring Lily as Strawberry Shortcake, Anne as her dog Pupcake, and Madeline as her cat Custard. I riled them up by announcing that today was National Chocolate Milk day, and "who wants some??".

After giving them their drinks and all the jumping and shouting on their part, Jacob ushered them back into their bedroom, put a Strawberry Shortcake movie on for them, and warned them not to leave the room. I didn't know this until I took a break from making dinner to go back there and check on them.

They were all sitting there, playing out the parts, and I sat down and gave Lily a big hug. Anne looked at me and said, in a sort-of shy tone : "Daddy said if we set one toe out of this room, he was going to put us in the basement and make us starve. " In which Anne and I busted out laughing... how ridiculous is that? Please!! If we put them anywhere, they would find a way out. They would eat through the walls, these kids of mine. They are tough and mean and have sharp metal teeth. And Jacob has the biggest heart of gold. He can't even bring himself to spank those girls, or put them in the corner.

I just heard him leave the kitchen, grab a girl in the hallway and growl "RRRAAAAWWWRRR!!! I'M AN OGRE!!!" and I know that hearing all the girls screaming secretly made him happy.

zzzzzzzzzz........

2009-07-20T10:31:00.003-05:00

This is what happens to me every week. .

I clean my house, I vacuum, mop, do laundry, and dishes. I make sure everything is put away and the coffee is ready to start in the morning. I feel so organized and accomplished. It feels so great to look around and feel like you can walk around without your shoes on.. God forbid you step on one of those sharp little legos that bruise the bottom of your tender feet.

I go to bed patting myself on the back and then that thing happens.. It happens often. It's happened most of my life. I don't sleep. Somewhere down the line, there must be vampire blood or owl blood or something else that is majorly screwed, because I can't figure out what I am doing wrong to deny myself sleep.

I LOVE sleep. I could stay in bed aaaaallllll day and just snuggle in the covers and and read my Readers Digest or watch Barack Obama and dream about what it would be like if I had married him or Jon Stewart instead.

But sometimes, well.. often.. I just don't sleep. I will lay away till about 2 or 3 a.m. and then finally drift off. Then if or when I wake up, my day becomes Cranky Momma Day. The kids scatter and learn to get their own water or juice. Last week on that particular day, I woke up and started sneezing over and over. So I decide to take a Benadryl. (I never take medicine). About an hour later, Jacob is ready to go to work and the Benadryl knocks my ass out. I am the crankiest momma ever, yelling "SSHHHHHHH!!!", and "LET MOM SLEEEEP."

My children have learned from this sleep deprived state of motherhood.

The other day, the girls were talking to themselves at the kitchen table. Madeline started chanting "Apple juice! Apple juice!! Apple juice!! Apple juice!! Apple juice!! Apple juice!!" and I said "Madeline, that isn't a nice way to ask for juice. " And Anne piped up to be the big sister and said "Maaaadeliiine. Don't ask like that. You could anger Mom. And then she might ATTACK!!" and she curled her fingers and sort of lunged at Madeline. Which I thought was hilarious.

Today was a good morning, though. I got up, took a shower to wake myself up, and started cleaning. Then I swept, mopped, checked on the garden, mailed my netflix back, stuff like that. I'm getting ready for Ben Stedman to come over for dinner, which he never does anymore because he is famous and has to practice all the time for his band that I secretly wish he wasn't in. Because then he would be bored and we could see him more. I have a feeling that since I didn't sleep last night, that he will come over, I will laugh and have a drink and then perhaps pass right out and not spend any time with him. I won't get to make fun of him or ANYTHING.

Guess I better get it all out of my system right when he walks in the door. Anyone wanna help me fill up some water balloons?

The Most Magical Place in the World...

2009-07-12T22:01:00.008-05:00

.......Used to be Disney Land. Now when someone wins the Superbowl, all they want to do is go to the Florence River Heritage Park Splash Pad!! Well.. at least me and my kids do. And IT'S FREE!!

I have only just started taking my children there. I guess I was intimidated by the fact that I would have to take them by myself, and was unsure how much trouble it would be to get them out of the car, set up camp, chase them and yell in front of innocent children with their parents.

I always have this fear that I am going to do that thing where I start yelling at my kids in public and all the music will stop, and everyone swivels their heads to look at me, mouth agape. Crickets will chirp, and I will be embarrassed that I was the one yelling in public.

So, I finally went. To my delight, I wasn't the only one yelling, and thankfully, the girls were really really good. :)

It seems like a little oasis in the boring parts of summer, when the air conditioned rooms dry out your skin and make you feel cold. Every day I wake up and think... should I take the girls to the Splash Pad? They have fun music playing, chlorinated water, and I bring my chair and set up to watch the girls and get some well-deserved sunshine on my face.

We have only had a couple of really bad moments there. One day Anne dove knee-first onto the concrete, skinning her knees pretty bad. The other one was horrifying, Madeline got hurt on the gusts of water in a private area.

Even after scrapes and boo-boos, we still love to go. I think it is magical in the sense that it makes Mommy happy, and I usually bring snacks and Capri-Suns for them.

Sunshine + Snacks + happy Mama.. = seems too good to be true.

Now when I say "Who wants to go to the Splash Pad??", Lily will jump up, take her clothes off and scream "SPLASH PAD SPLASH PAD BABY SOUP BABY SOUP". Baby Soup is how she says "bathing suit".

Maybe we will go today...

See??

2009-07-12T21:57:00.006-05:00

This is what happens when Brandice leaves her Baby things here.

Lily thinks she is a baby again.

2009-06-29T13:36:00.003-05:00

A major milestone happened today, without my control or nagging. Many of you know that my middle child Madeline will not eat certain things. In fact, her eating habits are in these food groups : Chicken nuggets, plain straight french fries, french baguette bread, grapes, apples, oranges, berries, most fruit.. and uncooked raw vegetables, such as carrots sticks, cucumber slices, peas, beans, cabot sharp cheddar ( it has to be Cabot) and peanut butter. That is pretty much IT, folks. And her food cannot touch each other. I forgot hotdogs. She loves hotdogs. When I give her the hotdog, she will often tell me whether or not she wants it cut up, or in a bun, and what to put on the dog itself. If I put mustard and ketchup on her plate, THEY CANNOT TOUCH OR THE PLANET WILL EXPLODE, MOM.

Seriously, I will have to start all over. She will not eat a peanut butter sandwich. But she will eat peanut butter on a spoon and then eat some bread on the side. Won't eat macaroni and cheese, or pizza, or spaghetti... none of the kid-loving meals. I make a big fuss about how silly it is for her to get upset and make sure she knows that I think she should just get over it.

Today Madeline and Lily were watching Blues Clues (or Lily says.. Boos Cooos!!) and it was the 'snack time' episode. When I made the girls lunch today, I just made a "snack time" themed lunch. I bought Madeline one of those plates with dividers so it would be easier for me to keep her food separated. I put some cut up apples in one pocket, a piece of bread in another, cucumbers, and a spoonful of peanut butter. Later when I came in the room, she wanted to show me how when you mix apples with peanut butter that "it tastes like apple juice". I was shocked as I watched her dip a slice of apple into her peanut butter AND THEN EAT IT. Without force. I was amazed.

And she said she saw it on Blues Clues.

I love you, T.V.

Hooray!

2009-06-19T09:51:00.002-05:00

I got another self-righteous criticizing letter from my step-mother!

Life is beautiful and awesome and perfect.

Things I Love/Things you didn't know about me.. Part 2.

2009-06-18T17:24:00.003-05:00

Recently, I have discovered Mint Juleps. Helen Allman had me come over one night and had everything all laid out and showed me how to make it. Then she gave me the recipe that she printed out , and drew a little mint julep on it. That is so like her to give me something like that. LOVES.
I like it when it is blistering hot outside, and I have to go every-stinking-where with my 2 year old screaming and wiggling and trying to get away from me, and she goes towards those doors that open automatically, but someone stops her. Then I try to get the car cooled off as quickly as I can, because getting the kids in and out of their car seats while it is 103 outside is not pleasant. And then I come home and it is dark and cold and quiet and everyone takes a nap because it was so hot today. :)
I like people who have swimming pools. Let's face it, if I had a swimming pool, I bet I would have a lot more friends.
I love my friends. I have the BEST FRIENDS. I really do. We are close, and that is wonderful to me. It seems as I get older I see so many people.. especially people in my family, not have real, true, good friends. I feel sad because they are not experiencing this kind of friendship in their lives. Not a day goes by that at least two of my friends call me or I call them. (or see them). We are family to each other. We text, g-talk, phone each other, or just meet up and have nice long talks over sushi.
I love my church. I never thought I would be able to leave Calvary and the people there, but my church is awesome. They build me up and bless me, and I have purpose there. I feel needed and blessed and lifted up.
MY ACCOUNTABILITY GROUP. Lord, almighty. They know about me, I mean... they KNOW about me. I don't want to think what I would do without those ladies.
Jennie Corley's roasted Pecans. People, listen. You take pecans, put them in a pan, add some butter and salt, and roast those suckers while stirring them.. you have got yourself a snack. Put them in your baby green salad for something you will soon be addicted to.
I love Jaimee's laugh. One day, I will record it and put it on here for your listening pleasure.
I love it when Jimi attacks Lily in the Florence-Lauderdale Library corridor, making her screams bounce off the marble floors and interrupt everyone's internet chat room drama. It makes me laugh and have hopes that one day he will have children of his own.
I love our basement. It's nice and cold in the summer. In the mornings, when Jacob is a wise man and is trying to give his wife a few more minutes of sleep, he will usher our girls down there to watch a princess movie. This gives me valuable REM time to think about how I am getting out of the flood that is lapping up onto my porch (see #4 of Favorite things 1).
I love it when Aaron sprays his cologne in his room... The smell will drift out into the hallway and at least my hallway smells nice. Sometimes I day-dream that I will take his cologne and spray it all over the house so my house can smell better. KIDDING, AARON.
Limes. Have I already talked about this?? Well, it deserves another talk. Limes are the best for boosting my mood. Or perhaps you could just bring me some guacamole from Rosies JACOB.
Rosies Cantina. I'm telling you ... I love Rosies so much, it is programmed into my home phone. I'm not kidding. It's right under Ricatonis.
Which brings me to Ricatonis. It is the place we go on every date. Jacob and I have just always loved it. We usually order the same thing every time, although lately we have been enjoying the shrimp spiedino. Heavenly.
Food. I love food. Everyone that knows me thinks I am a good cook. That is silly, because I really am not that great of a cook, people. I just love food. I love tasting it and tasting it and it just gets out of control sometimes. Note #7 and # 12 in this issue of "Lauras Favorites". See? There is just no getting around Sara Martins tomato Pie and Limes and Pecans and fresh basil and rosemary and... baby bella mushrooms sautéed with chicken.

I'm hungry now.

Things I Love: (part one)

2009-06-17T21:07:00.004-05:00

I love Brandice. I love Brandice because she talks to me and understands me but most importantly... Does not judge my crazy ways. She probably just shakes her head and says something like "OH, That Laura!!!".
Ben and Jerry's Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream. No explanation.
My husband. He is my hero. He. Is. My. Hero.
I love water. I dream about water every--single---night. Some times I am on a boat, drifting in deep blue calm waves. Sometimes there is a flood, and I am watching the waves lap up onto a porch or room. Sometimes I am on a beach, and drifting out to sea. Not sure what this means except perhaps it is because I am a pisces and the fact that I always have loved water.
I love Journey. Probably one of the reasons I keep watching Adam Sandler movies is because I know I will get to hear "Don't Stop Believing" at some point.
There is always a song in my head. It is usually one that I heard while walking around Rite Aid and it stuck. Something by Lionel Ritchie.
I always knew I was going to marry someone with a name that started with "J", and I knew they were going to be a musician. I KNEW IT. I dated 2 Joshs, 1 Jason, 2 Johns, a Joel, Jeremys.. 3 Jeremys. Weird?? Yes.
When Jacob and I were in pre-marital counseling, Jacob told David MacKay that he had never met anyone that knew so much about music without being a musician. That was probably the biggest compliment he has ever given me. Plus.. you should have seen that grin on David's face.
Pandora is my new best friend. Music compels me to have a better day and I usually thrive while working around it. I think I have driven people away with my senseless singing of Radiohead jabber. Or Bjork. Poor Jaimee.
At one point in my life I became obsessed with Bjork. It was a weird time in my life, and I just clung to it. I realized my obsession and gave all my imports and precious music/videos/books to ex-boyfriend Jeremy. It isn't that I don't still like her music, but I just don't need to be around it, for healthy reasons. (Jaimee is happy)
One time I begged my mother to let me go the Nirvana concert. Some of my friends were going, and she was adamant that I was NOT going. The next day my friend wore his Nirvana shirt to school that he got at the concert. As he walked past me, my anger rose up and I firmly punched him square in the gut. He crumpled behind me and I kept walking. I apologized later that day, though. Poor Jon Powell. He's still my friend.
I always wished I could have been a photographer. I love taking pictures. I feel that I am in a great spot, though. I feel blessed to be able to stay home with my girls and enjoy the age that they are at... and I still take pictures.
I was actually a much better kid than my Mother or family thought I was. I think they probably thought I was a bit of a rebel. Perhaps I was with my dress, but I was actually a really good kid. There is no way I could have shown them that though.
My husband has the most beautiful eyes that I have ever seen. He is also the kindest, most peaceful person. But he can't hear worth a damn. Stupid sawmill.
I will probably never eat pimento cheese. It doesn't look right. Cheese is white, people. Not orange. They dye the cheese that color, you know. We eat Cabot in our house. Pimento cheese just looks all sort of wrong.

I am going to let you in on a few more secrets, ( like how I still rock out to Smashing Pumpkins) but later. Right now, I have to go take Miss Madeline to Movie Gallery where I am sure she will either pick out a. Hello Kitty movie, b. My Little Pony movie, c. Strawberry Shortcake movie, or d. another Beethoven movie.

Wish us luck.

Well, It's officially Summer Now.

2009-06-16T22:08:00.004-05:00

Because I got my first Sunburn of the year.

Anne's best friend and her Mommy invited us to join them at the local Water Park. This is a magical place that I have never been to before. A big, flat concrete area with chlorinated water shooting up in every direction. I decided to go and bring Madeline and Lily as well, a chair, and some lemonade. Little did i know that the heat index would be 103.

So after two hours of whining, scrapes, a big boy knocking Madeline down and lots of Capri Sun, I decided to go home. As I marinated in the radiation of the sun, I felt colder and colder. By the time Jacob came home from work, I was shivering under our covers.

I got sunburned. It happens every summer, but usually by now I have been at the beach.

Brrr..

Can you tell where my tank top was??

It will be a ibuprofen-y next few days....

Hooray summer!!!

Oh and I accidentally killed a snake in the garden yesterday. (yes Jaimee.. ACCIDENTAL )

I saw a snake and went all Sarah Gilbert on it before I realized it was a really good snake in the garden and I felt like an ass afterwords.

saying goodbye...

2009-06-01T11:30:00.001-05:00

12-4

2009-05-31T02:26:00.003-05:00

Sitting in your basement at 2:30 in the morning because you can't sleep is never the right way to deal with anger. In my defense, I really don't know what else to do but sit here and cry out to God as to what to do with all the hurt, because I am no longer able to function as a realistic wife/friend/mother/daughter with bottled up emotions. I am able to function in a way that people notice something is wrong, but maybe they can't pinpoint it, or perhaps they just don't know how to awkwardly ask why I am behaving in such a way that would make them notice.

Whatever the reasoning, I still sit here. The light of my computer and the hum of my husbands computer. I wonder how long it will take before I go to bed. I wonder how long my husband will let me sleep it off tomorrow. I wonder how long I will continue to not talk to my Father. I wonder how long it will be before he finally calls. I wonder if I will answer. I wonder if my daughters will wonder why we don't visit them anymore. I am wondering if I will continue to feel this way or if it will subside with time, or if I will get bitter and angrier as time goes by.

I feel like there is freedom ahead but am unsure how to walk towards it. I can see beautiful things but don't know how to reach out and touch them . This is surely to be a long and painful process. I hope that my daughters will be able to see a strong woman, a loving mother, who stands guard over them, and not the weak and sobbing lady in her bathrobe in the basement.

I'll never really know, I suppose. But I do know that I am raising my daughters to be able to talk to me, to be able to say the things they want to say, and I will listen. I will listen with every ounce of energy that I have, because I want it. I will be the grandparent that I see in my friends Larry and Helen. I will call my grandchildren, and I will ask them all about their day, and ask them what they had for lunch and who their friends are at school. I will encourage them in the things they love and I will kiss and hug and support them. I will call them on their birthday and tell them how wonderful and special they are. I will have the desire and drive to be the better grandparent. I will sit at my kitchen table and have long talks with my daughters over tea or coffee or whisky.. depends on what they are going through. I will pat them on their hands with my old withered and worn hands, with love, letting them know that storms pass and better times are ahead.

There is so much hope for them. They come from very loving parents, who in turn love in each other. We work together, and amuse our children with silly games and stories. We lay in the grass together and look at clouds and birds and stars. We play hide and go seek in our home and always act surprised when we hear giggling coming from the closet and little faces jump out at us. And although it sounds warm and fuzzy and perfect, no ones family is .. I am guessing that in the great balance of life, the sadness and heartbreak of my childhood and now adulthood will perhaps bring a greater sense of purpose, and create a loving family environment for my daughters childhood. I learn from others mistakes. That is why I eloped. That is why I stand up for myself when I need to.. and why I stand back and not get involved in others conflicts.

I am still learning.

Hopefully a great big lesson soon will bring forth much wisdom.

Visitors

2009-05-22T16:56:00.003-05:00

There commmmminngg.

My husbands family is coming.

Tonight.

Seven of his siblings... one nephew I haven't met, a sister-in-law I have met, and a cousin.

This makes me .... ____________.

a. Nervous and shaky.

b. Happy.

c. Crazy.

d. Excited.

e. Laid-back and relaxed.

????? You Pick.

The cousin will be here for three months... with us.

I am trying to keep my mind open and not be psycho-Laura. Because she is NOT pretty. Just ask my old roommate Jaimee. Poor Poor Jaimee.

HEY JAIMEE! You wanna get me a margarita?

psshhhtt.

2009-05-21T13:18:00.003-05:00

At lunch today, Lily and I were sitting at the kitchen table, and she was blowing on my potato soup. She said "HOT, Mommy! HOOOOOTT!!" After I had eaten most of it, I offered her the last bite, and she turned her head in a disgusted way and said "ewww yuucckkyy!!!".

And I actually felt a little hurt by that. :(

SWIMMY!!!!

2009-05-19T11:50:00.007-05:00

A couple of days ago, Jacob went out in the backyard and decided to finish up the garden area. We love love our garden area. It's down towards the woods and there are muscadine grapes growing on a trellis the length of the garden area.

On another side there are bamboo plants growing tall.. and on another side, there are wild pink roses growing all over the ground. We planted a good size garden last year. However, the deer thought it was a good garden too, and ate absolutely everything, including the sunflowers. Everything... cucumbers, peas, beans, squash, watermelons, pumpkins, kale, okra, lettuce, and more.

This year, Jacob bought fencing and a gate to keep, or at least deter, deer from simply walking up and having a nice dinner. He did a great job and when he was finished putting the fence up, he weed-whacked the whole area. I was down there when he had finished, when I looked down and saw the cutest little thing.

A little teeny turtle had somehow survived Jacob's weed whacker, and was crawling out of the rubble. Poor wittle baby turtle. I took him upstairs and placed him on the girls floor. They all came over and when Lily caught sight of him, she let out an ear piercing scream that I am sure will cause me to get a hearing aid within 5 years. She must have thought it was a bug, because she reacted accordingly.

We put him in the tub and then I let Madeline hold him. This was huge for her, because just recently she has discovered Roley Poleys. One day I picked up Madeline from preschool and her teacher was completely freaked out at how she reacted around bugs. Another teacher had to come and physically remove Madeline from the playground and bring her inside to calm her down. After she realized that roley poleys were fairly calm and simple, she has ventured out to touch other things.

So, the girls named him "Swimmy", because he was swimming in an inch of water, and my outstretched hand was his little rock to climb up on and look around. We let him go after about 30 minutes, because the girls know that animals like that are never happy indoors. They were very good about all of it. I hope that one day we see Swimmy again.

sigh...

2009-05-19T09:41:00.005-05:00

I didn't show you what else Lily did yesterday. She also found the HIDDEN box of compartmentalized beads of Annes. She took them all out and mixed them up in a sea of color on my drab carpet.

Lily.... making the world a more colorful place.. one mess at a time.

French Fries make Mondays Bearable.

2009-05-18T13:39:00.010-05:00

I feel like I haven't slept in days. So this will be a lot of rambling. The day started out pretty well, with Brown Cow peach yogurt and half a banana. It quickly spiraled out of control when I went to McDonalds to get Madeline some fries and ended up getting THREE bags of fries instead. Then I reached in and took a few out of Madeline and Lily's so there would be more for me. I ate all my fries with leftover blue cheese dressing from Ricatonis and then ate the remainder of Lily's fries. This is after I ate some Chef Boyardee Ravioli.

I am so ashamed. :(

Madeline asked me this morning if today was Friday. Fridays are so special because she thinks that she will get French Fries on Friday. I don't really know where this came from, but every once in a while, I will amuse her and get her a small fry. I told her I had no money and she would have to search around the house to find change for Fries. So, she came inside and started looking under couch cushions, and in drawers, under beds and on closet floors. She couldn't find any money at first, and she came up to me with shoulders slumped and feet dragging.

"I CAN'T FIND ANY CHAAAAAANGE!!!"

Then added " This is difficult and frustrating!" I told her to never give up hope, and to keep looking. I found a couple of quarters in a drawer and gave them to her. Then she started saying "Never give up hope!" We finally found a good bit of change, and I told her we could go to McDonalds.

I really NEEDED those fries.

Lily has been a typical 2 year old monster today. As I type, she is pulling on me and trying to step on me. Now she is getting into Jacob's office chair, and I am not doing a thing about it. BECAUSE I'M TIRED. First, she peed on my bed. Good morning, Laura! Then, she demanded that I give her some corn pops.

She is very particular, this two year old.

Corn Pops! Bowl! No Milk! Now! Woman!

Then when it came time for lunch, I made her some ravioli. After doing a good job of filling her tummy and smearing ravioli sauce all over her shirt, hair, table, etc... she threw her bowl on the floor. My husband swept and mopped the kitchen floor for me this morning. Because I was about to tear my hair out at all the mess.

DAMN IT, LILY.

It got better. After I cleaned that up, she decided to pour

ALL THE TABLE SALT all over the table. And play in it.

When I finally changed her, I noticed she was stinky. After I cleaned her up, she looked at the dirty diaper beside her, reached over, grabbed it, and pulled out a poopy finger. This wasn't my breaking point. I figure I have a few more things to happen today before I break. Those fries helped.

I was listening to some random radio station while eating my french fries in my kitchen. They were talking about eating for your blood type. I was intrigued but my children decided that letting Mom listen to the radio was stupid and found something else to get into so I would have to stop what I was doing and yell at them. I wondered if my blood type called for french fries and blue cheese dressing from Ricatonis.

It MIGHT. YOU don't know.

Lily is being quiet. This could mean a few things:

She has reached into the fridge and gotten the chocolate syrup out, and is making a chocolate pie on the white couch.

She has realized that she can pull out all the stuffing from the computer chair upstairs and no one is stopping her.

She can rummage in the garbage and find leftover ravioli bits to suck on.

Toilet water tastes pretty good when coming from her princess cup.

She has found something to be quiet with.

Has fallen asleep.

She is watching cartoons because Curious George is on, and ironically, he is her favorite cartoon Character.

I better go check it out.

Conversations : Anne and Madeline.

2009-05-03T19:58:00.003-05:00

Last Friday, I was feeling very emotional. I was contemplating God , His omnipotent Grace and Love. A little girl was being born that day, but was sure to be born stillborn. It brought so many feelings of hope, doubt, faith, love and confusion. The little girls name was Elizabeth Ann, and she was born at Helen Keller Hospital. The same place where my Anne Elizabeth was born 7 years ago. I couldn't help but think about this couple, and how lucky I am to have this beautiful girl, so healthy and wonderful. I wondered, why God allows this to happen, but also understanding His graciousness and blessings. It rained all day that day, on and off. Every time I looked away from something, it seemed like I would burst into tears. "Hello Bank Teller!! Have a wonderful weekend!!" Then as I pulled away from the bank, my face would collapse into sobs again. I was mimicking the clouds. It would rain for five minutes, then clear up and be sunny, and back and forth.

Madeline was really watching the sky that day, mainly because it is the first Thunderstorm of the year, and really the first Thunderstorm we have had in a long time. I love thunderstorms so much, and I am figuring that maybe Madeline will follow in my footsteps by marveling in natures emotions.

Madeline and Anne were sitting at the dinner table and we were talking. Madeline said "I think Jesus is crying. I think He makes the thunder. Jesus lives in the CLOUDS!!"

Anne: "No He doesn't!!"

Me: "Yes he does!! If he can live in our hearts, he can live anywhere. "

Madeline: "Jesus lives in our BODIES." (rubs hands from her neck down her tummy)

Anne: "Jesus is even in this room!!"

Madeline: (looks up and waves) "HIIII JESUS!!!"

Madeline and Anne erupt in laughter, filling the kitchen with little girl giggles.

Madeline: "I LOVE Jesus. I love him so much, that when I see him, I'm gonna give him kisses and hugs! I'm gonna kiss him to death!!

But.... I'll be dead. "

Then I erupt in laughter. That kid. She is pretty smart, but a different kind of smart than Anne. She seems to understand things that Anne doesn't. I've noticed several times when Madeline has understood something waaay before Anne did.

Today is Madeline's birthday!! She is 5 and believes that she is almost a teenager. SO BIG. I remember when she was born. The daffodils were blooming and the cherry trees than lined the hospital grounds were blossoming with beautiful pink blooms. She was born underwater, and it was the most beautiful and easiest birth I had. I felt so blessed to add another sweet girl to my family. Tomorrow is Jacob's birthday, and I have no idea what we are going to do.

Maybe I should ask Madeline.....

Conversations : Jacob and Lily.

2009-05-03T19:34:00.006-05:00

Tonight, I made the girls go downstairs and pick up the 67 pieces of chalk that lay scattered on the floor. Yesterday I picked up Lily a little too quickly and my back has been out ever since. This means everyone else picks up their OWN messes and Mama is off the hook for a few days. This also means Mama is going to take the advantage and find things for other people in this house to do. Leading to a bit of guilt. I told the girls if they pick all the chalk, then I would give everyone some ice cream afterwards. You should have seen how fast it all got picked up.

Upstairs, the girls wanted to sing "Happy Birthday" to Madeline, because she will turn 5 on Wednesday, and this has caused quite a stir in our home. Just thinking of artificial sweeteners and spongy cake goodness causes them to shake with drooling anticipation. After singing to her TWICE... Once when the ice cream came on the table, a second time with a candle "with fire on it" in her ice cream, I walked away. Lily and her little butt got down from the table, and walked into the living room where Jacob and I were talking. The sweet little grin and bouncy curls looked at us ... waiting. She knew.

Jacob: "LILY! Put that bowl back in the kitchen!"

Lily: "no." ::grinning::

Jacob: "yes!"

Lily: "no! " :: smiling::

Jacob: "Do you want a spanking?"

Lily: "no? YES!!"

Jacob: "OOONE..... TWOOOO....."

Lily: "THREEEE!!" ::giggles and runs away::

This is why Jacob is going to have a much much harder time than me when they become teenagers. I will threaten them within an inch of their life. And then I will make them believe it.

My Cousin, my Friend.

2009-04-27T11:54:00.006-05:00

Jacob's Cousin Mark is visiting us from New Hampshire. He came down because he is seeking a life change, and is considering working with Jacob and his company for iPhone Apps.

Interesting.

Their mothers are sisters, and everyone pretty much looks like each other. I knew this the first time I saw pictures of Jacob's cousins at his Grandpa's house. They all have the same eyes. What I didn't know, was they have the same gestures, the same expressions, and they also talk the same. My husband has an incredible brain and sometimes when he talks to me, it's as if God built a robot out of man-parts and then put him on Earth to play tricks on all of us normal humans. God sits back on His Lazy-boy and laughs out loud at my facial expressions when Jacob says something that goes completely over my head.

The other day, I asked Mark "what do you wanna to do today?"

And he responded " What are you capable of facilitating?"

Which completes my theory that somewhere down the line they are robots.

Two Black Eyes and a Roundabout Kick to the face, please.

2009-04-27T11:44:00.004-05:00

I wish I could reach into the internet and beat the hell out of someone. I really do. As a God-fearing Christian, YES. I TOTALLY DO. Some people just need a good punch in the face. And God knows this, and I think He would be okay with it.

My sister has just gotten a dose of what Dooce gets most likely everyday, and at first, I was thinking to myself "Oh, just like Heather Armstrong. "

Instead of laughing about it and posting remarks making a valid point like Heather, my sister has been hurt by the words "You are a bad mother" or "You are an idiot". I think she feels threatened enough that she is willing to take her ENTIRE blog down. This is tragic for me.

1. I have gotten so much closer to my sister through reading her daily blogs. We connect like we haven't connected in the past.

2. I feel angry that someone has hurt her in a way for her to even consider such an action.

3. She is a WRITER. This is her passion and her way of expressing herself through her art.

I wished I lived closer to my sister.. To hug her, to let her cry on my shoulder, and to look her square in the eye and forcefully tell her to stand up for what is right and blog all she wants.

Also.. you know, she didn't do anything wrong. AT ALL. But words hurt. Especially when it is about your kids. Maybe I am just more aggressive than her, but I would abuse them right back with a Fist of Words.

Jerks.

Easter Weekend.

2009-04-14T14:11:00.004-05:00

Easter Weekend wasn't so bad this year. It was actually kind of nice. There were no screaming matches, no food was thrown , no vomit, no goose eggs on foreheads.

First, I went to my Mothers side of the family and had lunch with corresponding Egg Hunt. Then I went to my Dad's, where we had church, lunch and corresponding Egg Hunt.

This is my Dad's last year to be preaching during Easter. This June he will retire from the Clergy. THANKYOUGOD. For once, I would like to not have to travel all the way down to Deliverance country and perhaps go to my very own church for Easter Sunday. I think the church will really miss him. He has been there for about 12-13 years now, and he has traveled an hour there every Sunday and back again for that long. His gas bill, and his car, will thank him come June.

My step mother put yellow roses she cut from her garden in our room where we stayed, and that made a difference to me. I love yellow roses. She probably didn't know that, but it made me happy to see them and it was sweet.

Here, I like to joke that my Dad is saying "Lord, what am I going to do with these granddaughters of mine??" They are quite the handful.

Madeline, standing outside of my Dad's church, being all cute and sweet as usual.

She reminds me so much of myself when I was her age.

Here, Lily shows her Aunt Beth this flower she picked and how it is more special than any other flower in the whole wide world and can I ride home with you, please??

When I was Lily's age, I sucked my fingers the exact same way she does, only it was with my other hand. My Step-mother made these dresses for the girls.

Lily is upset with me that I am trying to take her picture, and clings to big sister Anne for help. Anne loves Lily and loves to show affection to her little sister. She just hugs her back.

That was pretty much my Easter. It was nice, but I am so glad to be back home and be in Florence. There is no other place like it for us. We've visited all over the country, but Florence holds special meaning for us and we wouldn't trade it for anything else. Now, if you have a bungalow down in the Caribbean and there are sandy white beaches and twizzlers to drink our coconut drinks out of, and palm trees and all of our friends can come, then I might think about living there for half of the year.

2009-04-14T13:56:00.005-05:00

I realize that I am not having any more children, and with that, the sadness comes that I will never again hold a little newborn that is my own. I am not letting Lily's youth slip away from my memory like I did with my other two girls. I remember being so tired and just wishing they could hurry up and learn to eat by themselves, to tie their own shoes, to go potty by themselves, and put themselves to sleep. With Lily my reality is solidified by the fact she is the youngest. It all comes into focus. It becomes important.

So the other morning while I was getting my coffee, I looked over and saw her sitting there, quietly, eating her breakfast cereal, by herself. I smiled and watched her, so big, not needing me for anything. I grabbed my camera which just happened to be on the counter and took a few pictures of her. One day I will look back and miss these days.

Splashing in the puddles.

2009-04-06T12:09:00.005-05:00

The other day,

When it was still warm Spring weather,

it rained.

I took the advantage,

I let go of the fear.

I took my girls outside

to jump in the Springtime puddles.

The warm rain had left a small puddle in our driveway

where the nutrients and rich soil

drift in the tiny river

covering the small delicate feet of my children.

Children don't understand the complexities of Motherhood.

The dark black footprints left on my white carpet,

The wet hands clinging to my cotton shirt,

tugging at me because they are barefoot.

They watch as the snails creep by.

They too, are enjoying the wetness and smell of a fresh rain.

Splashing and jumping,

The girls become mud monsters,

Attacking me with their muddy hands and feet.

I lean against a brick wall and watch them.

I am filing this memory in a special place.

Watching the clouds roll in, another rain storm is coming,

our time is short.

I sigh and take more pictures,

because soon they will be all grown up,

and just like me, they will keep their shoes on,

and lean back,

and take pictures themselves.

Just go ahead and stick a dagger in my heart.

2009-03-27T07:11:00.005-05:00

Jacob got to Chicago! They made it up there pretty fast, actually.. I was impressed. He had told me that they were in "wicked heavy traffic" and that the city was busy and beautiful. He sent me a picture of the Sears Tower. I talked to him when he got to his hotel and chatted for a while, although, they were pretty exhausted from driving for 10 hours.

A little later, I called him and he blurted "I CAN'T TALK. I'M DRIVING. I'M TRYING TO FIND HEATHER ARMSTRONG." I hung up the phone and got really excited, mainly because I LOVE her and would die if I got to be in the same room with her. So witty and brilliant, that lady.

He called me a while later and I eagerly answered, thinking.... well.. thinking so many things. For instance.. Did he just tell her he "drove all the way from Alabama to Chicago and can you please say hello to my wife who is in love with you?" Instead I heard a defeated "Hey, Honey." Which meant bad things that would later come back to haunt me. He said yes, they did find the bookstore. Yes, she is still here signing books. They are all sold out of books. THEY ARE ALL SOLD OUT OF BOOKS. THEY ARE ALL SOLD OUT OF BOOKS. For REALz. I heard all this chatter and I felt all the mixed emotions of defeat and utter excitement.

Me: "Well.. Can... you just tell her I said Hello and you drove all that way and I love her?"

Jacob : "no."

Me: " How does she look? Is she all tired and bloated and pregnant-looking??"

Jacob: "uh.. she's putting on a good face."

Me: "Can you just hold up your iPhone and take a PICTURE of her???"

Jacob: "No."

Me: "Well!! Can you just .."

Jacob: "NO, LAURA. There is a room full of people. There is a long, long line to see her. It's going to take her another hour just to sign all those people's books."

I felt so close.. yet so far away. I actually did that little girl squeal when he called me from the hotel. It went something like this "eeeeeeeeeeI'msoexcitedyourinthesamecityasheeeerrrrr!!!".

It's the effort. That is why I love that man.

Chicaaah-go.

2009-03-26T14:44:00.002-05:00

Jacob and Ben are on their way to Chicago today, and should arrive sometime this evening. How interesting that my very favorite Heather Armstrong from Dooce will be there signing books at a bookstore down town. RIGHT ABOUT THE TIME THEY GET THERE. I told him he better bring me back a prize, and hinting heavily did not work, so I just sent him all the information on exactly where she will be /the picture of the book/ at what time. Sometimes you have to do that with him.

Lets go back a few steps.

2009-03-22T08:39:00.006-05:00

Dearest Internet,

The month long hiatus from this blog was filled with lots of fun and then sickness, followed by laundry .. never ending laundry. And anger. But I will address that in my own time. I think some people just need to be pulled aside so that they can be told of the trail of toilet paper hanging out of their shoe.. or something allegorical like that. Some people don't want any attention brought to their own freak-shows.

I had a birthday party!! It was a joint birthday party with Brandice, and honestly I cannot think of any better way to spend a weekend. It was fiesta themed, complete with pinata and margaritas and tom-foolery. My Favorite part was when I whispered to Brandice in her ear that I was going to point her to Ben Stedman, and she hit him PERFECTLY. The most brilliant thing was, his back was turned, and everyone else saw what was happening but him. she hit him square in the side. Everyone laughed and we got to spank Ben all at the same time. :)

I have the best friends, and I am so thankful for all the work that went into the party, and all the cleaning up afterwards. It was wonderful and I will always remember it. I think Brandice should have parties with me from now on. :)

Another sign that I am in trouble.

2009-03-22T08:29:00.004-05:00

This morning, at the table eating breakfast, Anne and Madeline were talking about their apples.

Madeline, of course, being the sweet little strawberry that she is, said to Anne : "Aaaaannnnee! Our Apples are TWIIIINS!!" Everything that child says is sprinkled with sparkly fairy dust.

Anne simply looks at her and replies "No Madeline. They aren't quite congruent. "

AND SHE KNEW WHAT CONGRUENT MEANT.

Lily is her own little person. And I am afraid of her.

2009-03-21T21:48:00.006-05:00

Right now, I am watching my sweet baby Lily sleeping beside me.

I should be asleep.

Her little face looks much like the photo here:

She looks so small and sweet and innocent, doesn't she??

You Fool.

She is so far from that. She is become my little tumbling, screaming, screeching two-year-old who will strive to get her way NO MATTER WHAT. Today, we went to Trowbridge's, a local ice cream parlor built in 1918 and when you walk inside, it seems as if you have walked into the past. I love it there. Sitting down in the old fashioned seats, I order a chicken salad sandwich (it comes on white bread) and their orange pineapple ice cream (served in an old fashioned dessert glass).

As soon as that glass hit the table she grabbed it with her little grubby fingers and started eating it. I ignored it for the most part, because I really don't mind if she eats some of it. I just wanted a taste.

When I get my spoon and start to take a bite, you might think that this sweet little person dressed in ballerina pink with a pretty little bow in her brushed, soft hair might be having a seizure. Screams shoot from her little open mouth and her whole body shakes in defiance of what she sees her mother do. This has become commonplace, lately, and I just roll my eyes.

What can you do?

I have spanked, threatened (and then followed up on the threats) taken things away and sat her in time out. It seems endless, and then again.... she is only 2 and 1/2.

You might think that with all of the hub-bub of my day and merely dealing with Lily, that I too, should be asleep.

I am not asleep because... I can't sleep with out Jacob.

aaaawwwww.

He is downstairs with Anne watching that dumb sequel to the Narnia adventure movie that was awesome . This one seems (by the noises I hear) to not be so thrilling.

I walked downstairs to do some laundry, and I asked him how it was. He replied with a "nuuaaah."

Next week, he leaves to go to Chicago on a business trip for a few days. I can already tell it is going to be a week filled with Tylenol P.M. and crying jags. The medicine will be for me, and of course the crying will be from the girls (mostly). I don't do well when Jacob is not around, but I figure I will manage. It is hard because they LOVE their Daaaaadddyyyyyy!!! He is magic and makes everything better and gives them things when Mommy says "no". They are always asking for him. I can imagine him at the hotel, getting a full nights sleep, eating at UNO's, laughing it up with Ben. YEAH, that's right. Ben Stedman is going. Because it is "work-related", and a computer programmer conference and why not, Laura, ease up geez I'll only be gone for a few days....

All I can say is, those girls are going to be getting LOTS of ice cream while he is away.

Especially Lily.

When he gets home, maybe she will be nice to me again.

aaaaaaand another reason...

2009-03-19T11:40:00.003-05:00

Another reason why yesterday was a bad day.

I was carded at the grocery store for buying wine.

I am 31.

also, I found a bright white hair on my head.

I am 31.

Weird? I can name a few reasons to have grey hair already. One being genetics.

I also live with three other reasons.

I'm Very Angry.

2009-03-18T15:47:00.004-05:00

Dear Internet,

I do not, in the least, believe that I might be able to understand my husband. First, I need to get things straight that we have the most loving of relationships. We get along, we are totally in love with each other, and compliment each other, We Are Very Happy.

However, (you know that when I throw out the 'however', it means I am probably angered and need to get something off my chest) HOWEVER HOWEVER HOWEVER , my husband drives me beserk. This is the same man who once forgot to tell me MY MOTHER WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. Not until she called and said in a most annoyed tone "HI! I AM JUST FIIIIINE!" I just sort of rolled my eyes to imagine the drama that was going to come out of her mouth. I said "uh.. okay. " And then she said "Did Jacob not tell you I called and told him I was in the hospital??"

"JAAAAACOOOOOOB!!!!!"

Yeah!! It happened. Are we exchanging internet glances with raised eyebrows at each other?? Because that is how I felt.

He did it again. Today he was going to the hospital early to be sedated and then have an endoscopy in his throat. I was nervous but kept myself busy as today is a very busy day because I cook for my church on Wednesday nights, and all the girls are going to school. Aaron, our friend, went with him and stayed there to make sure everything went well, since I had to get the girls ready and take them to school, and then start cooking. I called Aaron around 10 to see if I needed to pick him up at the hospital and bring him home to rest a while, because they weren't going to let him leave until he could walk around by himself. Aaron said they were actually on the way to work even though Jacob was still groggy and could walk around some. He is incredibly stubborn about work.

Then I call Jacob at 3 (since I haven't heard from him) and ask him how he is feeling and how did it go this morning. He tells me he went to work only to lay down and rest, and then I pull miniscule bits of information out of him BECAUSE HE CANNOT JUST TELL ME. I ask him when does he go to the doctor to find out what they found during the endoscopy... and he says so nonchalantly "oh they already found it, oh and they fixed it, too" Finally, I get angry and tell him that people are going to ask me how he is doing and can he please tell me what happened today?? You know, because I am his WIFE. And I should KNOW these things. I imagine myself sitting there tonight at church, and everyone I asked to pray for Jacob today saying "So, Laura, how did it go today at the hospital??" and I would just look at them blankly and say "uhdunno". And look like a total dumbass. I tell Jacob everything. I would have called him and told him if I had a procedure done at the hospital and what it was and everything. So... Am I just the only one to think that is retarded of him? I am going to wait for my sister Beth or my friend Sara to tell me a movie where someone is totally brilliant and has a magic brain , yet cannot communicate with people on a social level. What? What movie is that? BECAUSE JACOB SHOULD BE MADE INTO A MOVIE. Totally awesome Dad, and Husband.. yet. total retard sometimes.

Jacob's endoscopy revealed that there was a constriction in his throat. They went inside with a balloon to inflate the constriction, and how it is fixed. That is all he would tell me. :(

Love,

Laura

Laura, Unhinged.

2009-03-15T15:18:00.009-05:00

Dear Internet,

Another Day has passed, and another day has come to that point where I am reflective and all the mindless chatter in my brain becomes loud and obnoxious and I am forced to think about the tasks at hand and myself. I have been ignoring myself lately.... to the point where doing something seems selfish and wrong. I.. after a nice long talk/cry/whimper session with my sister-in-law, have come to the realization that I need what is called in the normal world as "breaks". These are things you do for yourself so you won't go crazy. They include simple things such as.... taking a nap... going to a bookstore and mindlessly wandering, going on a date, NOT DOING LAUNDRY.

I know.. they seem very unreasonable and well, frankly, impossible, but people have reassured me that there is this thing, called "balance", and people do it all the time. Things have become so blurry to me lately, that I find it difficult to drive or talk or have real emotions. I have thought that possible I am going through a nervous breakdown of sorts, but my husband has assured me it is what he calls "burn out". I am learning to laugh and cry and think. There will be a moment, and I will simply burst into tears. Most of the time, I can hold it together, and that is when I am very proud of myself. I think on the outside it looks as if I am very stable and approachable. Most of my friends will glide up to me and start joking with me, meanwhile I am nodding my head and smiling at them, joking back and forth, laughing and giving off the impression that all is fine in my world. They will ask me things like "How is your back?" "How is your family?" "Is everyone well in your family?". I always respond with a reassuring "We are all mending", or "Fine, thank you!".

That is not the case. I think lately I have been unraveling. It is very difficult to think that I need to do something for myself. When I finally do force myself to rest or watch TV or write down my thoughts, I am overwhelmed with guilt. Guilt is pouring over me in waves and I become the Mother that cannot do enough to meet everyones needs. I am trying to learn, and the reason that I am writing it down here, is because I am forced to be reminded of the things I learn. I know I need to let go, I know I need to relax, I know I cannot be all of the things I wish I could be for everyone. I want to be the Mom is is always there, the wife who is forever loving and kind, the friend with the listening ear and smiling face, the sister with the stories and laughter, the daughter with the heart for her parents. I am realizing I am putting to much on myself. The pressure becomes unbearable, and then I fall apart. Sometimes the falling apart becomes healing and then growing into a better person. So .. that is the season I am in at the moment. I am not the person I am suppose to be. I have become unhinged, and am learning how to be the person that most people know and love to be . . . Laura.
For now, I will give you this..
My new song.

Why ::rubs eyes:: where... where AM I??

2009-03-14T18:20:00.003-05:00

Hello Internets.

I haven't made a post since.. Feb. 20. Why IS that? Well, for starters, Feb. 20th was an amazing night filled with pinata sticks and Brandice and candy and people and the rest was a blur.

Then there was a busy time filled with cleaning up puke and other bodily excrement from my children, followed by bleaching towels and pillows, followed by getting sick myself, and finally more bleaching and cleaning.

I have so much to tell you, Internet!! So many pictures and weird weather. I went berserk and have been in a fog. I will start a sentence and will stop because I can't remember a word, a simple word, like.. tarter sauce. Why can't people just read my mind when I can't say tarter sauce and just know that I NEED SOME TARTAR SAAAAAUUCE!!!

I will say that because of the insanity... it is Saturday, and I haven't watched my shows ALL WEEK. My Tivo is still holding on to my Heroes (Mon.) The Biggest Loser (Tues.) LOST (Wed.) ALL of my Thursday shows.... So tonight I will lay in bed and watch most of them with my husband. And tomorrow I might update you on some stuff.

Ta Ta for now.

Catch you 'tards tomorrow.

And I love her..

2009-02-20T07:44:00.005-06:00

Anne brought me the sweetest little note that she recently typed out on her computer. I was so pleased that she gave it to ME, especially since I am a great big mean Mama most days. I tell them to be quiet, go put your shoes away, wash your hands, share with your sister, stop yelling at me, stop running around your sister in circles, stop banging the window, put the forks back, close that door, listen with your listening ears, let me work, Turn that off, turn that down, turn that up, Turn that on.

Jacob waltzes in from a day of playing Call of Duty/ working and they flock to him and he grins and loves them and everything is right in the world. Meanwhile I sit in a flustered and frazzled heap on the floor. Jacob might look over and say "how was your day?" or if he was particularly smart that day, he would just say "I'm going to get you a glass of wine."

So Anne brings me this thing that she says she made ESPECIALLY FOR ME and I cherish it. It is named "You And Your Smile".

I love you Mommy! You are so sweet. I think Dad is silly! School has been great! I'll let you hear a poem, Mom. Once upon a time, a mother and father were taking care of their three little girls. There names were Anne, Madeline and Lily. Every day, at every place, they all had a lot of fun. Anne said "Mom" you are the best! Then sister Madeline added, "You are too, Dad!" Then Lily said "Ga Ga! Goo Goo! Banana!" She was hungry, and a silly baby. So they lived happily ever Banana Baby! The End! If I were you, I would try to be in that story, which I was. Anne! Thats me! So, did I do a well job on writing that? Did you know that you can make small things look big? All you have to do is add more stuff to the thing. You always make me happy. Your the best mom ever! What is gas made of? But anyway, I love you and your good smile.
By Anne Senecal

That made my day. I can just imagine her sitting at the computer, giggling to herself at all the silly things she was typing. She has turned out to be a pretty sweet kid. I think I'll keep her.

Anne is Hilarious

2009-02-13T08:17:00.002-06:00

My children make me bust out laughing on a daily basis. This week, Anne came home with this classwork sheet in her school folder. I think it paints an accurate description of the language she hears around here.

She has to make up three words and then put them in a sentence.
These are the three words she chose.

FAIL!!

2009-02-12T11:46:00.004-06:00

There was probably a lot of controversy surrounding my marriage to Jacob. First of all, my family had no idea who he was or how absolutely AMAZING a person I chose to marry. But I Knew. He has come to be loved by them, now. Good thing, because he isn't going ANYWHERE. Secondly, there are many other things but I do not feel like typing them out. This morning, our friends Ben and Isaac came by to pick Jacob up for work, and while they were here, They heard what I will call "a little fart" in the marriage.
Jacob was opening the window in our basement because it really is a beautiful day. But he almost knocked over one of my precious pots with seedlings that I have carefully nurtured during the harsh Alabama winter. I said "Jacob if you break that, I will kill you." In which Jacob laughed out loud, because he likes to be harassed by me. HE DOES!! Honest. Then I turned to Ben who was starting to laugh and said "sorry you had to hear that, boys." Ben said "OH, I SEE HOW THIS MARRIAGE WORKS. " Jacob laughed and replied "oh, that was just the pressure valve releasing a little air." And then we all laughed that is was merely a fart in the marriage.

The other day, Anne asked me how old her Daddy was. I told her that Daddy was 34, and this year in May he will be 35. She went on with what she was doing and it wasn't until yesterday that I noticed what she had done. Every little kid draws a picture of their family when they are little. Mommy and Daddy are always enormous, with tall legs. Then the oldest child is next, shorter than Mom and Dad, but always taller than the younger sibling.
Instead of writing out that her Dad is 34, she mistakenly wrote that he is 43. I didn't know I was married to such an old person!! HAHA. He is now 13 years older than me. That is pretty amazing and if my family found out, there would be such gossiping behind my back! Glad they don't know about that "little fart".

Attention Sisters!

2009-02-11T22:51:00.003-06:00

This years Valentines Cd is gonna be off the Hizzle.

Bad thing is that I am too tired to fully master the songs in such an order that you will get full satisfaction of listening pleasure.
::hangs head in shame::

Just pretend I did good, K??

To distract you: LOOK!! A CUTE BABY!! AWW!

Tuesday

2009-02-11T22:09:00.005-06:00

I really am this busy. I was going to blog all this stuff I have been saving up for a time, but my life has resembled that of a factory assembly line moving way too fast to accomplish any one task at hand.
Yesterday I was having a bad day. The only good that came out of it was really hearing the good news about my sweet niece getting tests results that were in her favor.
I was going along, plugging away. Even though things seemed to stress me out more as the day was getting older I kept going. That was my clue. I never know when to stop.

I had finally reached the home stretch. I was on my way to pick Jacob up from work, and go home for a nice dinner and relaxing Television. That is when I heard a HOOOOOOOOOOOOONK and then a sudden ::THUD:: . I looked over to see a white van that had come too close to my van and obviously I had my first wreck. I was surprised by not only the wreck but by the sudden action I took in such a mishap. Those that know me would assume that I would either flap my hands around my face uncontrollably, have tears rolling down my face, take on the fetal position, or laugh like a maniac and drive away. Instead, I immediately pulled ahead, got my phone, dialed Jacob's number as I was walking towards to woman behind me, and calmly but pointedly told her how she was clearly in the wrong by pulling out in a place that is not a turn lane, and did she see what that is right there?? NOT a turn lane. Then I told her I would check for damage on my vehicle and come right back. I did all of this before Jacob could say "hello".

Me: "Hey. I'm at the corner of Chisholm and Cox Creek. A lady just hit me. I don't see any damage. I will be late picking you up and will call you back, OKAY?!?!"

Jacob: "whoah, okay.. yeah"

So I go back and tell the visibly shaken woman that there is no damage, and if anything she probably just bumped my mirror. She says she must have hit my tire because she points to all this dark rubber on her white van. She is wiping it away with a baby wipe. It's coming off easily, and for the first time since I stepped out of the car, I relax a little bit. I look around at the rain, the passing cars, how dark it is getting. The other woman is wearing a light grey wraparound knitted jacket. It looks cozy.
Then I look at her window and see the M.O.P.S. sticker on her window. I can only imagine my face, but I say, very slowly.. "are you an Early Arts mom??" She seems even more visibly shaken that I asked her this question, as if Early Arts moms surely aren't making mistakes out here in their super mom vans. She stutters but seems to get out that she is an Early Arts mom and she is head of the MOPS. (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers)
I tell her, as we walk back to my van to check for damage yet again that my children go to Early Arts as well, and open the van door to introduce her to Madeline and Lily. She gets comfortable and tells me that her son Henry is in Lily's class. This is the funny part where I always laugh. My face just froze, and I said "OOHH! HEEENRYY!!! HENRY is the little boy that beats Lily up."

You see, one day Lily came home with a busted chin because HEENRYY pushed her down on the ground. Then a week later, he was swinging a toy around and around in the classroom when Lily just happened to walk by and get smacked in the face by Henry, yet again.

We hugged each other that we were not in a worse accident, and that everything seemed perfect. It was weird that of all the people in Florence driving there that afternoon, we met. The best part was when we were parting and she said "so... Henry hits Lily and I hit you..."

It's coming.

2009-02-11T08:26:00.002-06:00

Dude, Later today, I am totally gonna blog.

I have been so busy lately that I have neglected you, dearest internet.
Later today, you... me.... it's on.

Valentines CD 2009

2009-01-27T15:57:00.003-06:00

Every year, I make my sisters a Valentines Cd. It's really for me than for them, mainly because I feel this indescribable urge to make the infamous "mixed tape" or now, in the golden age of technology, the mixed playlist..
This year is a good mix. Maybe it is because I have listened to all of the songs for a year now, or maybe it is because I am going through menopause early. I think I am tearing up to these songs for a different reason. I don't think, I know.
I am a control freak. If things don't go my way, I tend to get angry. I know this and have worked on it, but in the end, I still control my emotions. I have with-held the "healthy cry" for a really long time now. It seems that anything that might tug on an emotion in your heart makes it way out of me in it's dominant push for freedom and expression. I tend to hide the way I feel for most people sake, as to not interfere with their story they want to tell me or the comments they want to make.
Saturday this lady came over to my house, because she wanted to have a play-date with her son and Anne. She really said some things that were quite rude and asked me things that a person meeting another person would NEVER ASK. The things that I replied with and the things going on in my mind were contradictive, at best.

Said: "Well, my birthday is on Feb.26, actually"
Thought : "What the hell? Why do you want to know?"

On the question "are you making lunch?"
Said: "I wasn't planning on making lunch.. uh.. let's see what is in my fridge."
Thought: "Go away Go away Go away you crazy people!!!"

On the question if they could have their son's birthday party at my house. (you read that right)
Said: "Um. Let me ask Jacob"
Thought: "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE AND DON'T COME BACK!"

Then she proceeded to tell me that she could decorate my house for the birthday party.
I thought "WHAPWHAPWHAP" to the face.

Why would a person I barely know ask me something so horrid?? I think she knew she crossed a line, but you never know with crazy people.
Anyway, every time I watch a commercial that is NOT supposed to be a tear jerker, I start to cry a little. But just a little. Just enough for one little tear to start to make it out, then I stop all that whining like a little baby and suck it up.
It all comes down where I have a big blowout and then it starts all over again. Woe is the child that gets in my way.

We Made It!

2009-01-26T17:14:00.002-06:00

Today I am married exactly 8 years. This is remarkable, for many many reasons.
One, my family (sorry Beth) is f'ing crazy. CRAZY. They gave me these... demands... restrictions.. before I got married. This really frustrated me, because they did not know Jacob, and I'll give them that. But I knew him. I knew he was going to be a wonderful husband and one day, Father. There is no way you can tell your family the things that you have learned. They will not listen. All they are interested in is how far they have come in life, and how you are just 22 and will most certainly make those same mistakes as them. Either "I didn't find myself until I was thirty, and neither will you" or "you can't get married until you do ______ and _______ and ________" or my personal favorite stab in the back... "You don't think you are going to get divorced too?" From the lady that divorced one alcoholic and quickly married another alcoholic.

This is the one day of the year that I revisit those words, those looks, and I can feel so much accomplishment and pride and happiness that I have this wonderful family here in my arms. Loving and together.. Happy and sane... )most of the time) we have a roof over our heads, we feed our children healthy meals, they have clothes and go on vacations and we are responsible happy people. I really wasn't expected to be like this 8 years ago. My family saw me as poor, sad Laura. They thought my church was a cult that we gave all our money to, they thought Jacob was dumb (laughable , at best, because he is the smartest man I know.)
I feel like I have accomplished so much to them, and I feel like their eyes have been opened to Jacob and what a wonderful human being he is. Often, I have thought about what it might be like if he ever died suddenly of a heart attack, or was killed in a car crash. I imagined what loneliness to that degree must feel like. If (God forbid) anything ever happened to either of us, I don't think we would be able to cope. My life would be crushed. Jacob once told me that even though people don't really ever speak about it, he loved me more than he loved our children. I can't imagine choosing him or the children, but I do understand what he meant. I would never want to marry anyone else. He is the perfect person for me, despite our differences, and I would always be comparing another person to Jacob.
We love each other more than I can express in a blog, and I am very thankful for the years we have had together and the exciting years to come.
Happy Anniversary, Honey!
We made it!

Getting Frustration Out.

2009-01-23T14:47:00.005-06:00

A while ago I called Jacob and he was at lunch with the boys from work. I heard Benstedmans yakking and I told Jacob to give Ben a message. I must have laughed for 20 minutes after hearing timid sweet Jacob say "Hey, Ben. Laura said to shut your big fat mouth".

I am still sort of sore with him not coming over and hanging out with us LIKE HE IS SUPPOSED TO DO. Today, I also found a sweet old picture of Ben on an airplane on Facebook. So I snatched it immediately and am posting it here.

I think I might try to find more old pictures of him for a good Internet laugh or two.
Who's with me?!?!?

note: Laura is going crazy.

2009-01-23T14:27:00.007-06:00

My Mother called me today, while I was picking up my 2nd daughter from school.

She sounded worried and told me to call her back as soon as I heard the message.

I called her back and she said "oh, I don't need you anymore".

She only called me... because she needed me to look up a phone number.

That's all??!

Tonight I am going out with Brandice for some much needed down time with another Lady. There are many reasons why I need this so much.. reasons I will not list on here... But I will say that I just read "Brown Bear, Brown Bear.. What do you see?" For the 18th time today.

Flight of the Conchords.

2009-01-22T09:56:00.005-06:00

Sometimes, I pretend that I am their superfan and not Mel.
How weird would that be??
In this clip of the Flight of the Conchords, Bret and Jemaine meet some muggers on the mean city streets. They try to rap and show the muggers how hard-core they are, but they eventually get mugged anyway. It's one of my favorite episodes.
If I met some muggers on the street, I have often imagined what I would do. Sometimes I think about how I would react to certain situations, horrible situations, should they ever occur.
Imagine I hear a noise in the middle of the night in my basement. Now that I have a ninja living in my house, I do not worry about it as much. But suppose I hear a noise in the middle of the night, a crashing of glass... In my mind, I grab the phone and call 911 and then hide in the closet, closing the door veeeeery sloowwwly. Than I whisper to the police that a burglar is in my basement and hurry the hell up. If the burglar catches me before the police show up, however, I act like I have never called the police and could I get him anything?? Jewelry? Cash? a spot of tea? Whatever, because frankly I do not care about any of the possessions I have, only certain things like, pictures and my computer (which I have already hidden under my bed and under my heating pad.) And my computer is only important because of the pictures that are on it.
When the police show up, I act surprised. ("who could THAT be??") It all works out in the end.. in my mind. I never have to wake up my children or husband.

In reality I actually poke Jacob until he wakes up and checks out what that noise was... that he never heard because he worked in a lumber mill and is half-deaf.... and it almost always is our heating system kicking on in the middle of the night.

I hope HBO keeps this show around for many years to come.

Happy Birthday, Brother.

2009-01-16T21:31:00.003-06:00

Today is my Brother-In-Laws birthday. Not just ANY birthday.. he turns 30.

There will be partying and hooray-ing and high fives and lots of shenanigans. But I am a loser of a sister and am not going to the party. I sent my husband with things, and I am staying home with all of the coughing kids and fire to take care of.

I can just imagine all of the fun they are having. The last time I went to Brandice's for a party, there were pranks, yelling, some wrestling, and other things that she might not like me to post here. :)

Ben, I hope you are having a super fun party and just know that one day our kids will be all grown up and we can go celebrate as much as we want!! How fun will that be?!?! Happy Birthday, Ben, you old goose.

Dear God, please take the curse off my house so we can all get better. THAAAANK YOOU!

2009-01-15T14:30:00.002-06:00

Several times this week, I have opened a new page on my computer, to write a new post.

Every single time, I ended up closing it, and doing something else. I feel very put-out lately, with the many many things I have to do. I also feel overwhelmed and frustrated because all the things I want to do, I cannot.

I am trying to pace myself, but I feel eager like a kid on a free candy-spree. I need to mop!! Oh and do the dishes! and start the rice for dinner!! and put more wood on the fire! and I really need to call that person back..

It seems overwhelming right now, for some reason.

Madeline and Lily and I are still coughing. The other night, Ben Stedman was over here, and he heard me struggling with the coughing fits. Then he called me a SARS-monkey. I laughed but inside I wanted to punch him in the face. I am so glad Aaron is around now, because he told me this morning about a time when Ben didn't stop coughing for a MONTH. I can't wait to throw that back in his face.

Cough it in his face.

HeeHee.

I live in a scary, nice, and most of the time, quiet neighborhood.

2009-01-10T19:16:00.004-06:00

There have been many times in my life when I have tried to tell you something, and you didn't believe me. I don't know why you didn't believe me, because Lord knows I want to be taken seriously. I desperately want be seen as an open, honest and trustworthy person. One day Brandice was over at my house, and I opened the door, screamed, and yelled that a snake just fell on my head. Brandice did her "siiighh" and then announced that, no, a snake most certainly Did Not just fall on my head.

Until I showed her the snake.

I don't know how that little bastard got up there in the door frame, but it did. And it had sinister thoughts at how it would get up the nerve the next time Laura opened the door and jump on her. OKAY, now I get it... you don't believe me because I have a wild imagination, yes I DO! Guilty. But I am most certainly honest.

I tried to tell some people not too long ago how my neighbors must have some conspiracy against me. We put the Obama/Biden sign in our yard, and the next thing I know, they were showing off their guns, IN THEIR FRONT YARD. Maybe it was the Obama-anti-gun-craze that sent thousands of rednecks to buy AK 47 assault rifles at the local pawn shops, or maybe it was just coincidence. One day I came home to find my neighbor across the street showing off his shotgun. To Me. The person who could care less about guns. I don't even know what gun-names are. That is how STUPID I am about guns. I know the long ones are shot guns, okay? and the short ones.. they... they are pistols. or.. handguns.. whatever.

Then a few days later... Jacob and I were enjoying the morning in our bright, sunny kitchen when we heard a loud BANG. I ran to the window and saw our two neighbors next-door shooting their.. rifle at a woodpecker.

That's right.

A WOODPECKER.

With a SHOTGUN.

BY OUR HOUSE.

See they have a wood siding house, and the woodpeckers will come and peck holes in the side of their home. Some of the holes are rather large. They actually killed that woodpecker that day.

A few days later, I looked at the window and saw them again. We live in the CITY LIMITS. We live "downtown". Lady was walking in the middle of the street looking for that woodpecker just to show his face. That woodpecker best find somewhere else to peck.

Please Mr. woodpecker.

For all of those skeptics.. doubters.. I got something for you.. PROOF.

Just go away, Ann Coulter!!

2009-01-07T10:16:00.005-06:00

I am at home alone and watching NBC's Today with Hoda and Kathie Lee. Ann Coulter is on there, talking about her new book and making everyone feel uncomfortable and nauseous. Kathie Lee said "don't you think the tone in which you deliver your message turns people off? Its not always the message, but the messenger" Ann replied that she thought her tone was "zippy and enticing"

Hoda said "you lost me a loooong time ago."

I think this is the first time I really looked at the womans face. Not only is she scary, but the way she talks could be something you hear on a haunted house ride, in the dark. Wouldn't that make you want to crap in your pants?

Honestly, I don't ever listen to the woman. I don't care what her views are, the same as I don't care what Whoopie Goldbergs views are nor do I care what Rosie O'Donnell thinks. But at least I can watch them speak. I think if you spread hate, hate breeds, hate destroys. I want her to stop talking now.

::hides under covers::

Happy New Year, Internet!

2008-12-31T17:40:00.006-06:00

This is the last day of the year.

The day when we get all dressed up, buy a bottle of champagne and go somewhere to celebrate the New Year.

Well, at least that is what MOST people do.

Last year, we had a nice party here at our house. We played party games, had delicious food and laughed hysterically at other

peoples New Years Resolutions.

This year, we are taking down Christmas decorations and getting ready for family that is visiting in about a week from Vermont. I feel like the biggest bozo for not getting a babysitter or at least doing something for my friends here at the house like last year. There just seems to be so much to do and so little time to get it done.

And since all the kids have been sick for so long, I want to keep them in.

They all have ear infections,

and are all on anti-biotics.

So to all of you out there with your black sparkly cocktail dresses and hairspray and fancy shirts... Happy New Year to you! And to all of those Ladies like me... who are in their jammies and have their hair up in a ponytail and are surrounded by clean laundry that needs to be folded... Here's a glass to you.. may your laundry get folded, may your children sleep all night.. and may all your dust bunnies flee.

Happy New Year.

Keep your murderous rage in check.

2008-12-27T19:20:00.006-06:00

This Christmas has been the most stressful Christmas in FOREVER. From Thanksgiving, to what will be New Years, we have been sick at my house. First, getting the stomach flu (which no one else got thankyouGod) then Lily getting the croup, Madeline getting an ear infection, and now on the heels of that, Anne is very sick.

I am not sure what she is suffering from, but she has a temperature over 102 almost every night three nights in a row and her throat hurts. We have been babying her and giving her lots of whole foods and drinks to ease it, but she is still sick.

This just in.. Lily now has a fever...

Not being able to really go out and buy gifts, I have been making many gifts this year. I crocheted little hats for my nieces, made pillows and bows and cross-stitched. It reminded me of this web-site that I used to visit to laugh for a while whenever I was down.

It's called Subversive cross-stitch, and it was born from a woman named Julie Jackson. She was trying to quit smoking and her mother bought her a cross-stitch book to keep her mind busy away from how angry she was at the world. I used to smoke some when I was a teenager, and I have to admit, I understand where she is coming from. Addictions to anything can make you a cranky loser to be around. I think there have been times when I was denied eating salad for a few days and it wasn't a pretty picture of a loving wife and mother. Jacob might say "horrible fire-breathing beast" but he isn't the one writing this, is he?!?

Subversive Cross stitch might say all the things you want to say to people, but don't have to. I have to say, it is much more therapeutic to cross-stitch these thoughts out then to say them. And afterwards, you have a comical dish towel to display when douche-y friends come over.

I can think of some more things to cross-stitch but I don't really feel like typing them out on here.

Maybe I'll just start cross-stitching them out......

xoxoxo,

Laura

Well, Obviously.

2008-12-26T14:44:00.003-06:00

This is the douche-iest message ever left.

I was going to write a long commentary on what I thought about it,

but... there just aren't words.

You might as well get ready to share this one.

null - Watch more free videos

I wonder what's on the Inside.

2008-12-12T19:30:00.003-06:00

Dear Lord Jesus,

Please don't let Jacob ever see anything resembling a cake like this,

or I will be forced to make him one for his birthday in May.

Or for Christmas.

Or for our Anniversary.

Or any given Friday night.

Yours Truly,

Laura

2008-12-12T11:47:00.002-06:00

Overheard this morning while the girls were eating breakfast:

Madeline: Momma! I wanna get a doggie for Christmas just like Charlie Brown!!!

Anne: You want a beagle?????

Annie, Get your Gun.

2008-12-08T12:10:00.005-06:00

Anne had a boyfriend last year in Kindergarten , named Jasper. It was weird for us, because I didn't realize that boys and girls liked each other until they were much, MUCH older. But, she really liked Jasper, and they would talk and eat snack together or whatever, and then, before Jasper could recite his spelling words, Anne had a NEW boyfriend. Trey. This was always said in a dreamy, drawn out way so it was more like "Trrrreeeeyyyy." I have to admit, this kid was adorable. He had pretty awesome parents, too. I wish everyone that knows Jacob could have seen his face when Anne told him she had a boyfriend. You could have told him that Vermont just fell into the ocean and sank to the bottom. It was hilarious. His eyebrows shot up and you could see new wrinkles forming on his forehead..

So now Anne is in first grade and has a more normal relationship with her classmates. No talk of boyfriends or anything, which I am sure puts Jacob's mind at rest. The other day, however, she told me that she saw Jasper out in the hallway and that "he looked GREEEAAT. " So I was trying to act all cool-mom-like making dinner and asked her how come she thought he looked so GREEEAAT. She replied that he had on a nice sweater, and his hair looked real nice, and he had on gorgeous jeans. That is when I stopped making dinner and swung my head around to see her jabbering away, like nothing was wrong... but something had to be wrong because I just had a stroke and I couldn't feel my face. "Gorgeous jeans??" I asked.

Oh I heard her correctly alright. Gorgeous jeans.

We don't really think much of guns, but I can see Jacob getting one in the future. Not to use, we wouldn't buy bullets, but, he will probably want one around to show all the guys that want to come over to our house and show off their jeans.

I probably won't ever want to eat Spinach Dip again. Sorry, B.

2008-12-08T11:46:00.004-06:00

Last night I was having another strange dream. Let's face it. ALL of my dreams are super messed up. They are never of me running in a field of flowers and anything nice. My dreams are all directed by Stanley Kubrick on an acid trip so hold on to your seats because you will probably throw up. I am amazed that things that go on inside my head can be there and I can still function as a prosperous citizen of my community.

Last night, I was dreaming that I was in someone's garage, getting a bowl full of Spinach dip and chips. The garage door was open and my good friend Justin Timberlake had just left.. into the darkness of the evening. I turned and saw a large black figure coming towards me. I noticed right away that it was one of those great big wolf-coyotes that will tear your limbs off and eat you alive. We were in Arizona, by the way, and I am guessing that deep down, I think there is an abundance of flesh-eating coyotes in Arizona.

So I tried to get back into the house with my spinach dip real fast before that coyote came through the open garage door, but I soon realized that I was a really really obese lady and I couldn't fit though the door. Oh, and there was music playing... that music that I hear in my dreams and I can hear all the instruments but I could never re-create because I can't play music.

So I woke up. I looked over and it was 5:45, and in a little while the alarm was going to go off. I was still thinking of the dream when the alarm went off and I heard Annie Lenox singing "sweet dreams are made of these.. who am IIIII to disaaaaagree-hee. "

So I've been trying to figure out my dream, but most of the time, figuring out my dream is like chasing a leaf in the wind ---- pointless. But I did realize a few things...

1. I really do like Justin Timberlake. Or maybe I just want him to leave.

2. I am scared that my in-laws will think I am fat.

3. Why didn't I just close the garage door?? If I saw that in a movie, I would be screaming at the screen for the dumb blonde to throw her spinach dip at the coyote and close the door. At least it would have bought her a little time.

4. I have many many scary dreams about someone trying to get me/chase me/ kill me and I will always run for a door and can't close the door, like the door is too small for the door frame and a big space is around the door itself and it won't latch.

5. I will never cease to have music in my dreams.

I think tonight will be one of those nights where I just take a tylenol p.m. and leave Stanley Kubrick for someone else's dream.

The Worst way to Lose 8 pounds.

2008-12-01T13:44:00.007-06:00

Is by having the stomach Flu.

That will MESS. YOU. UP.

Benstedman called me a while ago and started asking me all these questions about the stomach flu. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was hoping this one last nap will help me get over it and he just interrupted it after only 15 minutes of me falling asleep.

I also didn't tell him that the only way I could sleep the past three nights was if I took a Tylenol PM to knock me out. Then the pain wakes me up again at 3 a.m. where I toss and turn until I finally get some more tylenol in the morning when my superman husband gets it for me. Jacob really has been a trooper. He held me when I threw up, got me those little wet washcloths, helped me back in bed... got his brother to bring me gingerale.

I remember the last time the Stomach flu went through our house. It was 2005, and it was when we lived in Vermont. All I remember is Anne dry heaving and poor itty bitty Madeline living in our bath tub. She didn't want to get out. Just lay in the bath tub and moan.

It was the saddest thing ever.

Thankfully, this time it seems to have only hit me. But it hit me hard.

"I haven't been this sick since 2003!!", I thought to myself. That was when I was pregnant with Madeline and I thought Jacob and I were going to die. We packed a little bag of things for Anne, crawled back in bed, called Caleb, and went to sleep. A little while later we heard Caleb come in and get Anne and take her to Jacob's parents for a few days.

I hope everyone gets well and no one else gets sick! It is no fun being sick. It is also no fun being the person who is well and cannot rightfully make fun of your sick friend out of respect. It is also not fun to be the well person taking care of sick person.

Friday night, I went through a hellish ordeal of getting my picture made while in the throws of a migraine. Yes. But not only that... I did it with my Whole. F' ing. Family.

No, Really.

AAAANNDD.. we did it at dinner time. You can imagine the cranky children, the screams, the candy thrown in their mouths, the air sucked from the room as everyone sighs, the fake smiles from having to be in the same room with everyone.

I look especially glorious, thanks to the medication I took as soon as I got to my Dads. I lay on the floor of the van the whole 2 hours down to Birmingham with Anne's thick Lands End jacket on my head to block out the light.. When we got there, I made Jacob go to the Wal-Mart parking lot to take our Obama 08 sticker off the back of the van so my Father and Step-mother wouldn't think I was a satanist. That's when I took a Lorcet Plus. Man, oh Man. That stuff was potent!! I fell asleep for 30 minutes and then got up to get ready for pictures. When I came downstairs my Dad said "well.. you look... alive!" HAHA. Yes. I was walking. With my eyes open. When we got to the picture place, it was all I could do to just stay nice. It was raining. There were 17 other families getting their picture made and the picture people were WAY behind.. so we got to wait .... OUTSIDE!

Anyway, by the time we got our pictures made, It was the girls bedtime. We were hungry, tired, and I was out of my mind. You can actually see it on the pictures. I am straining a smile on my face as my dark circled eyes try to stay open long enough to see a flash.

This one is my favorite:

It shows my Dad looking pretty frustrated that Lily hasn't eaten any supper,

and is a two year old and is being told to sit and smile nicely.

This one also makes me chuckle. Lily has almost gotten

away from my step-mothers grasp.

HAHA. In this one.. everyone.. is forcing a smile.. IF they are smiling.

My kids look bored.

I love out-takes.

Look at her! Man!! She is really making Momma proud with that 10,ooo watt smile of hers.

She is like "I am gonna smile no matter how much screaming is going on behind me!"

I laughed at this one as well, because my two older girls looked scared. You can tell I have threatened them under my breath to shut up and smile.

That was my after-Thanksgiving family get-together. After two days of not eating from migraines, I ate a couple of meals and then got the Stomach flu! It was probably all connected. Correction.. I ate a butt-load of spinach-artichoke dip on Thanksgiving day.

I love you, Brandice. Thank you for making that yummers salad. That is the only thing ate today.. and the first thing I had in two days!! ::WEEEEEE:::

A Senecal / Stedman Thanksgiving

2008-12-01T11:28:00.007-06:00

Thanksgiving 2008 was alot like last years Thanksgiving, only my grandmother wasn't there, and there was more booze. Also, I was sick as Hell but I was a smarty pants and didn't let on. ::gleam::The turkey was basted with rosemary and fresh lemons.

Brandice brought the most beautiful salad I have ever seen and and still reliving the moments the avocado touched my lips. Little tears met my cheeks. The Stedmans came over making it the second annual Stedman/ Senecal Thanksgiving. We eat, we talk, we go on a walk. This year we walked all the way to the water. I kept shushing the kids, because of fear that the people whose land we were walking on would get upset, but looking back I was really being a douche!! Geez, Laura. Little kids gotta run and scream and shizz. Mean ol Aunt Laura making us walk around in the woods all quiet like Indians OH SNAP!! Yes, I said it. If Anne could read this she would give me an hour long speech on how I should NOT say Indian, but Native American. That is what I get for raising awareness in my kids.

Here, Anne is having the TIME OF HER LIFE. Aaron Stedman has been her dream man since since she graduated Kindergarten and didn't get to see her boyfriend Trey everyday. She told Aaron this summer that she wanted to marry him and tries to get away with flirting with him any chance she gets. Here she probably said something very lady like, such as "Mr. Aaron, I am a little girl and I probably need to hold your hand so I won't fall down in these icky leaves. " Jacob and I laugh and hope that she grows up to marry someone as amazing as Aaron Stedman one day.

Cousins... and the wierdo at Thanksgiving. Hey, every family has one, right?? These kids are so adorable and really don't get to see each other all that much, so I was thrilled that they got along so well. From left to right... Madeline, Aidan, and Emma. Creepy dude that wants to get in little girl pictures.. Benstedman.

The bestestest part about Thanksgiving this year was the part where we are all sitting at the BIG PERSON TABLE and Ms. Stedman starts telling Brandice and me all about her kids when they were little. She tells us that Ben had an imaginary friend named Reggenounce and... and.... HE USED TO KICK HIM .... when he got mad. He kicked his imaginary friend. Okay. Let's stop and take a little breath here. Little ginger Ben. In overalls (he probably wasn't wearing overalls, but it makes the scene so much better, don't you think??) all red-faced and mad. He goes over and kicks NOTHING. How his mother understands that he is taking his anger out on Reggenounce.. I'll never know. Also.. How the hell did he come up with "Reggenounce"?? What kind of stupid name is that??? All Brandice and I could do was sit there and TRY to not die from choking on the food in our mouths as we cried from laughter. Ben on the other hand hung his head in shame as he realized the verbal abuse that would ensue for the rest of the day and furthermore... the rest of his life. It was beautiful.

Bring out the Big Coats.

2008-11-21T07:55:00.007-06:00

This past week has marked a sad and depressing time for me..

a time that hits every year. This year I felt it more than usual, though. The trees here in North Alabama are usually dull in comparison to Vermont foliage, but this year I was struck by how beautiful they all were.

It was as if my backyard was aflame in striking yellows and burnt oranges. We have a few sugar maples and one in particular is always a beautiful bright yellow behind our koi pond. My husband Jacob took the time this summer to cut down trees around the maples so they would have more space. "More breathing room" he would say.

But then it happened. After the leaves fell and the rain ended, I noticed those all-too-familiar spots that I would see in the woods behind my house. They were dull grey spots that I saw last year, IN WINTER. I couldn't see them before, but yes, now ... I could. They are depressing.

Usually, the trees are so full that I can't see the ridge behind my house. I live on the edge of a State Park that extends to the Cypress Creek and back behind the University of North Alabama. There is a dry creek bed that you can almost see when all the trees have lost their leaves and you can see the fall and rise of the earth on either side.

I am getting ready for the winter. We have some firewood, brightly colored walls, and sweaters. :) It's not like we are going to be stuck inside all winter like we were in Vermont, but still.. I really really REALLY like being outside, preferably in the warm breeze.

I keep telling myself that the good thing about winter is NO TICKS. I could literally go outside and roll around in the leaves and not get a tick on me.

Last summer, you could walk ,.... no.. RUN to your car, jump in, and still find a tick on you.

So, I am embracing the coming winter with my big ten dollar coat I got on sale at Old Navy.

Bring it, Winter!

Pain.

2008-11-19T12:56:00.004-06:00

I've been having a weird week. After making dinner for church on Wednesday night last week, I stressed out my back and Thursday morning, it just... went out. So I spent the weekend in bed, and on pain medication. I feel so much better now!! And While I was bored to death in bed, I started blogging, so I guess something good came out of it. Now here it is Wednesday again. I've already made most of the food that I am serving tonight at church... Lasagna, Salad and bread. I have even taken most of it up to the church. I just have one more pan of lasagna to make....

Today Jacob and I went up to the church because Madeline and Lily had their Thanksgiving Feast they have at preschool every year. It was in the auditorium, (or Family Life Center..) and they all danced and sang for us. It was really cute!! Madeline's class got up to dance this little dance with ribbons that they twirl around.. and Lily jumped up, ran from her teacher and twirled around with Madeline and her class. It was hilarious!

Afterwards they sang a little prayer and we ate. I was struggling to get Madeline to hold her plate while I got Jacob's plate and my plate.. Lily was screaming and wiggling.. My pastor came over and said "Hey Laura.. how are you feeling?" And I said "I'M ABOUT TO STAB MY KID WITH THIS FORK!" And then when all the other parents whirled around to see what horrible parent said this, my pastor laughed and laughed out loud. It made me happy that he understood my frustration and that he knew I wasn't going to stab my child. : ) So he took Madeline's plate and helped out. Hahahaha.

Jacob had to leave after a while and went to work. About five minutes later, Lily started to FREAK OUT and wander around the auditorium, crying for her Daddy. "dadaaaaaaddyyyyyy!!!! daaaaaaadyyyyyyy!! " Once again, all the parents look at me as I struggle to catch up with her and pick her up..ugh.

Finally, I am home, where I will once more, lay down, and blog.

The End .

Harassment

2008-11-17T09:34:00.000-06:00

Harassment is a beautiful art form that is only accomplished by few. To harass another person, you must learn a few simple rules:

They must know that you are harassing out of love.
They must be friends.
They need to know that harassing them back only means more harassment from you.
It never ends.
Brandice is Queen Harasser and there is no stopping her.

Today as I was chatting with my sister-in-law, which I do daily, I was reminded about something that I have not really seen in many circles of friends. My circle of friends know it all too well. Harassment can be seen or heard on a daily basis around us. It usually entails something such as "Come over to my house and hang out with us or I won't give your painting back." or calling them names, like "Ginger" over and over. This is better done if your friend has red or auburn hair and has been teased about it before. You can add Ginger into your sentences, like .. "That's gingerific" or "He suffers from Gingeritis" or "Gingers are GRUMPY!".

You get the point.

Here are some ways that you, too, can harass your friends out of love.

Go to their personal space and move stuff around, whether it be their home office, their cubicle at work, their car or truck, or bedroom.
If possible, get access to their car or truck and turn the radio channel to country music or something else horrendous.
Also, turn windshield wipers on, pull the seat way up or way back, and make the air conditioner come on full blast.
You can take large items from their area, leaving a personal note that says "come over and you can get it back". This usually takes the regular computer nerd longer than usual to figure out what is missing, since they are indeed mad geniuses and have very filthy desk/personal space areas.
Send them postal mail unsigned, but with personal insights that only their close friends would know. (i.e. "Hows those hemorrhoids??")
Blog about them.
Take old glamour shots of them and splatter them on the interwebs.
Take old pictures of your friends from 3rd grade and make a wall display. Hang it somewhere where everyone knows them and will see it upon entering a room.
Call them up and pretend you are not yourself but someone else, and make strange demands. Make a funny name up, like.. Brenda.
Take a snapshot of them using the bathroom and use it against them so they will come over and eat pizza.
Go to their house and put a bunch of fake spiders in their bed, which you got from Target when all the Halloween stuff went on sale.
Take all the cereal out of their box of Wheaties and fill it with acorns or something you can find around the yard for cheap. Leave a note.
Make a missing persons ad and stick it on the carton of milk they use every day. See how long it takes them to notice they are missing. Put hilarious stats on the missing persons poster, like.. answers to "ginger".. only has one testicle... usually keeps his iphone glued to his face..

Now, some of you may think that it is manipulation or control, but I tell you this, IT IS NOT. Why.. because they do it to you. And it goes round and round, and it is fun. Never do something that you think the other person would get truly mad about. This defeats the whole purpose of friendly banter and harassment. If you do something to them, make sure it is something you wouldn't mind doing to yourself.

We have a friend named Kyle, and he is like... 12. He is always coming over and making party fouls. Brandice and I have decided to buy him some sippy cups and write his name on it, so when he comes over he won't spill what ever he is drinking all over our beautiful carpets.

That is a little form of harassment. Mainly because 1. it is useful, 2. He will laugh about it, and 3. Everyone else will too. :)

I hope you learned a valuable lesson today in Harassment 101. One last lesson to grow on... Harass someone first before they can do it to you.

2008-11-17T08:07:00.000-06:00

Fall is coming to an END.

We started a fire in the fireplace last night.

We woke up to a cold house.

Jacob started the fire back up.

No he's gone.

I'm all alone in the house.

The girls left the T.V. on in their room.

I am still on my back.

Today it hurts to sit up.

I feel pain ripping down my leg, as I lay here.

Waiting for the meds to kick in.

cold, quiet, house.

Eventually I will have to get up..

to stoke the fire,

to eat,

to turn off that T.V.

Mondays.

2008-11-16T19:15:00.000-06:00

Tonight BenStedman walked in my door.

All I heard was little girls screams and wails.

I felt like I was listening to a very small 1967 Beatles concert.

Deafening.

"sigh" for mothers of little girls.

Starting Out

2008-11-16T18:51:00.001-06:00

I've been told that I should start Blogging. Should I, now?? Really? And infect the entire web-world with my redundancies and idiocracies ??

Well, HERE I AM WEB WORLD!!! Get ready for an late night, pain filled, alcohol driven, blood sweat tears blog! Not really, but I like to build you up for what is to come, that way, when you get something kind of stupid for four weeks straight, and then you get something good, you will remember my first post. "That's what she meant."

I normally have so much going on inside my brain, but am unable to really talk -it- out. So perhaps this will help me, TALK. IT. OUT.

I have three small children. And that will be all. Sometimes I dream that one day God himself will come down and tell me that magically I have been sperminated and I will have another baby.. but. Jacob has other plans.

Jacob is my husband.

And he is the boss.

Of my uterus.

He is the oldest of twelve children from Vermont, and he is tired of babies. I really don't blame him but my own selfishness wishes I could have just one MORE. Like drugs, babies make you feel happy and delusional. I want more. I am slowly getting to UNDERSTAND him. we have been married for almost 8 years. My Aunt Nadine was the oldest of 11 children, and she never had children. Her excuse was that she had already raised 10 children and she didn't want to raise any more. So I get it, and I guess that is what Jacob is feeling too.

Alas!!

So anyhoo. get ready all you strangers and family-folk.